Remember
by Natascha Romanoff
Summary: Steve and Bucky live a quiet life in Sweden until Natasha shows up to Steve's utter delight and Bucky tries to play cupid even though he starts to remember things that can't be real. Post CW. Romanogers. Past Buckynat. Other MCU characters will make an appearance.
1. Chapter 1

I.

They went to Sweden. They bought a small house outside a small town near the Baltic Sea.

Steve dyed his hair brown, grew a beard and Bucky cut his hair, shaved his beard off and if anyone asked they were brothers. Two young men who moved from the States to Sweden to experience something new after they lost their family. It wasn't a total lie, they _were_ brothers and at least in Steve's case, he did lose his family.

T'challa and his people were kind and Wakanda was beautiful but they couldn't put a whole country and monarchy in jeopardy, so they left after Bucky's arm was replaced and T'challa gave him a red book that he found in Zemo's possession and told him that it was his. He didn't look inside, didn't tell Steve about it and burned it the first night at their new house.

Steve was resentless. They helped out on farms during summer and fall, trying their best to not reveal their actual strength. But now it was winter and no work for them to distract them. Steve checked the news every morning and evening. Some people called Steve and his friends heros and the true defenders of freedom, others called them traitors and criminals.

Usually when both sides argued on a talk show, Steve would sigh, rub his hands over his face, turn the tv off and go into the basement and run on the treadmill. People would notice if the new guy in town run a marathon every day faster than Usain Bolt. Yes, Bucky has been working on his pop culture references. It was nice to numb your mind with the internet as a limitless source on information when your mind was haunted by the things you did. The things they _made_ you do, Steve would say. But in the end it didn't matter, it were his hands that did the killing and torturing.

Steve's friends were safe. They couldn't go back to their old lives but considering everthing else, they were remotely fine. Sam Wilson stayed in Wakanda and became friends with T'challa. Lang sneaked his way back to the US and when Steve repeately apologised for dragging him into this, he just shrugged, said Captain America needed his help and besides he was used to being a criminal.

Clint took Wanda and they went to a safe house in Canada where his wife and children waited for them.

„Auntie Nat took care of them", he winked at Steve and hugged him as a goodbye. Bucky had no idea what it meant but it made him sick that this man and his family had to leave their life behind because of him. He knew that Steve spoke reguarly to them and he himself even talked to Sam from time to time which only ended in them laughung and insulting each other.

„What about your girl?", Bucky asked his friend during dinner one time

„My girl?!", he looked confused and then suspicious like he knew too much about his buddy's love life.

„The blonde? That you kissed? I think I threw her on a table in Berlin?"

„Oh, Sharon. She's not my girl, Bucky!"

„So you now go around kissing women? I always assumed you only would kiss dames that you were into!"

„I don't go around kissing women!" Now, Steve looked offended. „It just happened! She helped us and I don't know... It didn't mean anything."

„You kissed her as a thank you? Boy, whatever happened to thank you notes?"

„Haha, very funny. Finish your steak!"

He later learned that Sharon still worked at the CIA and was transfered to a tiny, windowless office in Tokyo. And he learned that she was Peggy Carter's niece and that information made Bucky laugh so hard he nearly fell off his chair.

He didn't mention the fact that Steve never talked about Stark's son or the red- headed woman that let them escape.

They could go out running now since the darkness of the winter months gave them some anonymity.

The house was quiet and dark when they returned and they went to the kitchen to grab some water bottles and when Steve turned the lights on, he stopped and Bucky walked straight into his back.

„Hi boys."

Bucky went around Steve and saw the red headed woman from the airport sitting at their kitchen table, smirking at them.

„Natasha", Steve breathed and Bucky looked at him and the punk fucking _beamed_ at the woman like Christmas came early and he basically ran over to her, wrapped his arms around her and lifted her off the chair. She seemed surprised by his reaction, then confused and finally collected herself quickly and patted Steve on the back.

The woman's name was Natalia. No wait,her name was Natasha, he reminded himself. _Are you sure?_


	2. Chapter 2

II.

Steve put Natasha down and Bucky could see the fainest bit of blush on her cheeks when she sat down on her chair again and the men joined her at the kitchen table.

„God, Nat. I can't tell you how happy I am to see you. I was so worried about you! I mean, Clint told me to 'chill' but... I can't believe you're here!"

Natasha crooked her head to the side and looked honestly surprised by Steve's statement like she wasn't used to people worrying about her. It kind of made Bucky sad.

She shook her head slightly, seemingly shaking off her thoughts and looked at Steve with a teasing smile.

„Well, can't have you worry in your old age. Might cause a heart attack. But then again, Sweden has a great healt care system. How far is the next nursing home away?"

„That's hilarious, Nat. Don't take this the wrong way because I'm thrilled that you're here and I can see with my own eyes that you're okay but what are you doing here?"

Bucky decided to remain silent during their catching up. What was he supposed to say anyway? Sorry you are on the run because you let us escape?

She looked at her hands on the kitchen table and then looked at Bucky and then focussed on Steve and sighed.

„I didn't want to run anymore. I spent the last months throwing Ross of your tracks to make sure he doesn't find you and the others. But I didn't want to be alone anymore."

Bucky could tell that it took a lot for Natasha to admit this to them. No, not them. Steve.

His friend reached over the table to squeeze her hand. „That's good. I don't want you to be alone"

She smiled, her whole face lighting up for a second, then looked down at their hands and raised an eyebrow. Steve blushed and pulled his hand back.

DC. She was with Steve in DC when he was sent to kill him. They were on the bridge and Steve pushed her out of harms way. The memories were foggy but he was certain that Natasha was with Steve in DC. She attacked him from behind, jumped on his shoulders and tried to choke him. Yes, that was her. He threw her against a car. What was it with him and throwing women against things? He went after her and...

He stared at Natasha with horror in his eyes.

„Oh my god. I shot you!"

Natasha's eyes went from Steve to him and her answer came short and calm. „I know"

„Oh god. I shot you in DC. I would have killed you if Steve didn't stop me. Oh god"

He jumped out of his chair and started pacing through the kitchen.

„Bucky, sit down", Steve instructed and pulled him back to his chair.

He looked at Natasha again „I am so sorry. So sorry"

„Well, it wasn't the first time. Just don't make it a „third times a charm thing", okay? I have a reputation to protect"

„I shot you twice?!", Bucky shrieked.

„Yeah, a couple years ago. You're the reason I can't wear bikinis or strapless tops anymore", Natasha joked. Did she joke? He wasn't sure. All he knew was that he shot Steve's friend, possibly more than a friend?,not once but twice and he had no idea how he could make it up to her.

She looked at him with some sort of understanding if he had to name it. „Listen, Barnes. I know what you went through. And when I mean I know than I don't mean I know what it must be like, it means I KNOW. I went through what you went through. They made me into a weapon and I did horrible things. I know that it wasn't James Barnes that shot me. Do I have to fear that James Barnes will shoot me anytime soon?"

He shook his head

„Good, then we're good"

„I feel better if you at least punched me in the face or something"

„That could be arranged. But not now when you expect it. That's not my style! I strike hard and fast when you at least expect it"

„Natasha!", Steve mockingly scolded her and she grinned at him.

His best friend was clearly pleased that he and Natasha got along. Did they get along? He wouldn't hold it against her if she killed him in his sleep.

Steve looked at Natasha with this fond expression on his face again. Yeah, definitely more than a friend. Steve wouldn't let Natasha go anytime soon.

Bucky was sure of that. He should better prepare himself to be murdered in his sleep.

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	3. Chapter 3

III.

Steve told Natasha what they had been doing in the last months which was truth to be told not much compared to what she had been up to pretty much nothing.

„After Leipzig I left to grab Laura and the kids and got them to Canada. I waited there until Clint and Wanda came. I've been travelling through South America to make Ross think that that's where we are. Then to Asia and then to South Europe. I let them trace some of my interactions to make them assume that I was with you guys. As far as I know Ross' men are currently searching Croatia for me, Sam and Wanda", she smirked and took a sip from the tea Steve offered her. She congratulated his excellent taste in tea causing Steve to blush and Bucky finally knew why Steve chose this russian tea brand over Lipton at the store.

„Thank you, Nat. You didn't have to do this"

„Yes, Steve. I did"

They both smiled at each other and Bucky was certain that neither of them would notice at this very moment if he would burst into flames .

He coughed and Natasha took another sip before she contuined her story.

„Anyway, I went back to the States and spent some time in Hell's Kitchen. I asked an old friend of mine for some legal advice and he said that if the Accords don't get revoked or we get pardonned, there's no way that we can't go back to the things were before."

„You were in New York?", Steve asked and looked uncomfortable. „Did you...?"

„Talk to Stark? No, but I talked to Pepper. I know what happend in Siberia and we don't have to talk about it, okay?"

„Okay"

„Stark's doing okay. Pepper and him are working things out. Steve, Tony's working on a new shield for you. It will get better between the two of you. Give it time", she said softly.

„Okay" He nodded and Bucky could see some tension leaving his body.

„Steve, there's more. I caught up with Nick and he told me some interesting things."

„Nick?"Bucky asked and Steve turned to him. „Nick Fury"

„Fury?" He was in deep thought. That name sounded familiar... Oh no. „I killed him"

„Almost" Natasha replied „He faked his death"

Steve put his hand on his human shoulder and told him that it was okay. But it wasn't okay. It would never be okay.

„What did Nick say?"

„SHIELD" Natasha took a breath and eyed Steve carefully. „SHIELD still exists."

Steve looked confused, then angry and then confused again. „What? How?"

„Coulson"

„Coulson?!" Now Steve seemed to be completely lost. „We went to his funeral, Natasha!"

Who was Coulson? Oh no, did he kill him too?! Natasha seemed to catch his train of thought.

„No Barnes, that wasn't you!"

Bucky released a breath he didn't know he was holding.

„Yes, we went to his funeral. He really was dead. Fury did something alien to him to bring him back to life. And now he's rebuilding SHIELD. He's the new director."

„Holy fuck" Steve uttered and dropped his head into his hands.

„Language"

Steve's head shot back up and he rolled his eyes. „Are you ever going to let that go?" He asked with annoyance.

„I think you already know the answer to that" she said amusement thick in her voice.

He rolled his eyes at her again and Bucky snickered. Steve shot him a look which made him chuckle. Bucky knew all too well that Steve scolded others for cursing but could put any drunk sailor to shame.

„So this Coulson and SHIELD are back?" Bucky tried to get them back on track.

„I don't think I like it" Steve sighed and leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. He told him about SHIELD and Hydra, how in the end they both worked for Nazis.

„I know. I was with you when SHIELD fell. But it had a purpose. To be a shield for people. To protect them. Coulson guarantees that it's hydra-free and I believe him. He adores you and SHIELD. He wouldn't let it contuine if there was still a chance that Hydra is still involved"

„You saw him?"

„Yeah, I punched him the minute I did."

Steve clearly approved as he smirked at her.

„Nick's calling in favours to get enough people behind him to get the Accords revoked. His plan ,and Coulson agrees, is to get the Avengers under SHIELD authority. Away from Ross. Phil is planning a comeback"

„I'm not sure I like this"

„I know, Steve. Just give it some thoughts. Besides it's not like you are in any position to do anything right now about it." Natasha reminded him and stood up to wash her cup in the kitchen sink.

„Yeah, yeah, I'm aware" Steve replied dryly and Natasha looked over her shoulder to give him a half smirk and in that moment Bucky could have sworn she once smirked like that at him too. His certainty left as fast as it came. He had no idea why he would think that. He didn't know her. He never talked to her until today. _Right?_

* * *

Yes, that old friend in Hell's Kitchen is who you think he is

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	4. Chapter 4

IV.

„So, are you boys gonna give me a tour?" Natasha asked leaning against the fridge.

Remembering his days when he tried to find a nice girl for Steve to date, he realized that this might be the time to finally score a win for the punk.

„Steve can show you around while I get a fire starting. It's getting cold" He answered and went up to go into the living room where they had a masonry heater. He didn't leave the room without nodding at Natasha and winking at Steve who gave him a pointed look.

He may took him 70 years but he will be damned if he didn't help his best pal to get a girl in this century. This would be his new project and it was way better than to hallucinate about whatever was happening in his mind since Natasha showed up.

„You gonna show me your love nest, or not? I'm digging this whole Brokeback Mountain thing" He heard Natasha from the kitchen. Brokeback Mountain?

„Oh god"

„Is this why you turned down every girl I tried to set you up with? I was barking at the wrong tree?" Natasha's voice sounded actually curious.

„I am not gay, Natasha! I'm as much into Bucky as you are into Clint" Steve groaned and Bucky imagined how he rolled his eyes at the woman.

„Okay, point taken"

„Okay, let's start upstairs. We got mine and Bucky's rooms and a bathroom there. You wanna see my room? You can't see it right now 'cause it's dark but it's got a nice view. You can see the forest and everything. The lighting is great for drawing!"

Oh Christ, you ask a woman to go see your room and you tell her it has great lighting? You could have least offered to draw her! Jesus, Bucky shook his head. That was gonna be exhausting to get them together. Steve was clueless and Natasha didn't seem like the kinda person to act on her feelings. Hell, she was even surprised that Steve was worried about her.

„You gonna show me your room? What will Bucky think? And you didn't even take me on a date first!" Natasha teased Steve and Bucky bet his right arm that he was as red as a tomato. He smirked and threw more wood into the heater.

„Natasha! For Christ's sake. I don't know why I keep up with you sometimes"

„Cause you'd be lost without me, Rogers", Bucky could hear the teasing tone in her voice but he also swore that it was a question.

„Yeah, you're right", Steve's voice dropped an octave and it sounded _intimate._

He was tempted to walk in on them to check their facial expressions but it felt like he would be intruding something special. So he tuned them out.

After a few minutes, Steve and Natasha returned from the first floor and walked into the living room which was the biggest room of the house. They had a kitchen, a living room, a guest bathroom downstairs and the actual bathroom, two bedrooms and a small storage room which contained weapons and supplies. Despite being a soldier, Steve wasn't really comfortable with guns in their living space but Bucky knew that they needed to be prepared and Steve had to agree.

Natasha sat down in the armchair next to the fireplace and rolled the sleeves of her sweater down to cover her hands.

„You couldn't have decided to go to Maui or something?, she complained while pulling her legs against her chest.

„Yeah, I'm sure people wouldn't have looked twice at a guy with a metal arm in swim shorts" Bucky snorted.

„I thought you looked terrible in a bikini" Steve said nonchalantly and took a seat next to him on the couch.

Why on earth Steve would say something like this to the woman he was obviously into was beyond Bucky's understanding. If he kept saying things like that, he wouldn't see her in her underwear anytime soon. He looked over to Natasha who just gave Steve a sly smile. Okay, that sentence must have some background.

„So are you gonna let me crash on your couch, boys?" Natasha asked looking at them expecting or hoping a yes.

„Absolutely not!" Steve said almost looking appalled at the thought and Natasha's face fell.

„You are not sleeping on the couch, Nat! You can take my room, I'll sleep here" He contuined and Bucky noticed that she was relieved that Steve

didn't want to kick her out. The punk could have really phrased that better.

„Steve, you don't really fit on that couch! Keep your bed. The couch is more than enough."

„No, you take the bed. I'll take the floor then. I can get a sleeping back tomorrow"

„Look, I appreciate the 40s chivalry but I will sleep on the couch"

This went back and forth for a few minutes until Natasha won the argument and Steve told her to not whine about her back the next morning. No one asked him if he wanted to give his room to her. He would have, it was the least he could have done after shooting her. Twice.

They called it a night shortly after Natasha brought her bags in, where the hell did she hide them?!, and turned the sofa into a bed for her. Bucky went up first to his room and could see that Steve didn't quite follow him but was still downstairs.

„Nat, about Leipzig. I..."

„There's nothing to say. I did what I thought was the right thing. Besides, I owed you" Her voice was barely a whisper.

„Natasha" He sounded like was going to object.

„You once told me that you trusted me to save your life. And for someone like me that means... You have no idea how much that means to me" Her voice was getting so quiet Bucky could barely hear her even with his enhanced hearing.

„Good night, Steve"

„Good night, Nat" Steve said softly.

"Steve?"

"Yeah?"

"You look really good with a beard"

He already knew that Steve was blushing again.

"Um, thanks"

Bucky closed his bedroom door and went to sleep with Steve and Natasha on his mind and the changes that would now come with her arrival.

* * *

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Next chapter: Sam's a gossip, Bucky tries to set things in motion and makes Steve angry


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you for your input, Ocean. I hope you'll like this chapter.

* * *

V.

Bucky woke up with a light sweat on his face. His nightmares were still present but he kept getting at better living with them. He didn't wake up screaming anymore with Steve running into his room, holding him and telling him over and over again that he was safe. They still kept their doors a bit open, so Steve could hear Bucky.

He heard the shower running and figured that Steve must be under it. Wait, there was someone else now. Natasha could be taking a shower as well.

Remembering that they now had a guest, he threw a long-arm sweater over his t-shirt.

It took him weeks to wear shirts around Steve, he wasn't ready to have Natasha seeing his whole arm.

He went downstairs to the kitchen to start breakfast when he spotted the woman with her back to him wearing leggins, according to the Maximoff girl the greatest invention since sliced bread , and a hoodie that was several sizes too large for her and clearly made to be worn by a guy.

Did she already have a boyfriend? Did she honestly think there was a better man out there than Steve?

„Morning Barnes" She greeted him without turning around. „Coffee's almost ready. I'm making eggs, bacon and toast. That's all you guys have."

She turned around and pulled a chair out for him. „Sit"

„Yes, ma'am." He took the offered seat and sat down. He was about to ask her if she slept well on the couch and that she could have his room cause that the least he could do since he owed her when she spoke again.

„I hope you are okay with me being here, Barnes. I know I sorta jump the gun on you and Steve. You don't even know me" She said to him, pouring them two cups of coffee and giving one of them to him.

 _You could at least recognize me._

Where did that come from? The voice in his head sounded like the woman before him but that was not possible. She just said that he didn't know her.

„Of course, I'm okay with you being here" He replied hasty pushing his thoughts away.

„I'm sure Stevie is sick of staring at only my face all day long" He tried to give her a charming smile and Natasha just snorted at him.

Damn, wasn't he supposed to be good at this?

„I'm sure that's not true, Barnes"

„You can call me Bucky, if you want " Barnes sounded so formal, especially now that they were living together for an undefined amount of time.

„I'm not calling you Bucky, Barnes. Bucky is a name for a dog.",She smirked again and tapped her finger against her lips like she was thinking about a name for him. „I think I'll stick with your first name. I'll call you James"

 _James._ For some reason that he couldn't explain, it made him feel warm.

„I can't get you to go with Bucky?"He joked and knew that he wouldn't like it if she would call him Bucky, now that he heard her say James.

She popped a piece of bacon into her mouth, before putting the rest on the kitchen table and looked at him. „Nope, not a chance"

„Well, I guess I have to live with it"

„What do you have to live with?", Steve asked and entered the kitchen, his hair still wet from the shower. „Morning Bucky, Nata-", he looked at Nat puzzled.

„Wait, is that my hoodie? I've been looking for it for months"

„Yup. You should be honored. I don't take everyone's hoodies", she answered coolly and started to put food on her plate. „Go eat before it gets cold"

Steve grunted something that sounded like clothes thief and poured himself a coffee and joined him and Natasha to eat breakfast.

They ate in silence until Natasha put her fork down and looked at Steve with mischief in her eyes.

„How's Sharon?", she asked with complete innocence in her voice.

„Huh? Good, I guess. She got to keep her job considering everything, so... Why do you ask?"

„Well, you kissed her." Steve nearly choked on his food and it took a lot from Bucky to not laugh at his friend. „ Was it your second kiss since 1945?"

„It was just... It didn't mean... How do you even know that?", Steve stumbled over his words, getting redder and redder by the second. It was hilarious.

„You might need to rethink about Sam being your loyal sidekick. He's quite the gossip." She smirked into her coffee mug.

„He told you?!" Steve looked absolutely horrified like Natasha was the last person he ever wanted to know about that kiss. She probably was.

„She's good for you." Natasha said with a distant look in her eyes. „She's nice"

„Yeah, she is. She's also Peggy's niece and that alone is enough to make that kiss awkward as hell." Steve wiped his mouth with a napkin and leaned back into his chair.

„It didn't mean anything. It just happend. She risked her job for us, reminded me of Peggy and it just happend. I regretted it the moment it was over. I shouldn't have kissed her. Not when I have..." He looked at Natasha and stopped his sentence.

Natasha seemed almost happy with his answer and nodded her okay at him.

Oh boy, these two had it _bad_ for each other.

Steve changed the topic and announced that they would go into town for groceries and when Natasha told them to go without her, she add a fews things she wanted to Steve's list.

* * *

They left the house when Natasha went upstairs to take a shower and Bucky waited until they got into the car before he started his questioning.

„So you and Natasha, huh?" He nudged Steve with his metal arm while Steve drove them to the next grocery store.

„What about me and Natasha?" So he decided to play dumb, fine.

„There's nothing going on between the two of you?"

Steve shook his head. „Don't be ridiculous" The punk had the audacity to lie, even though he was terrible at it.

„Good" Bucky replied and tried his hardest to hide his smirk. „So it would be cool with you, if I tried to get to know her better?" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively to underline the last part of his sentence.

He could see how Steve's jaw was set and that he gripped the steering wheel a little harder.

„You just met her yesterday. How can you already be interested in her?" His voice was tense and harsh.

„I have two eyes?! She is gorgeous and friends with you, so her character must be swell as well." He meant what he said but he would never, ever make a move on a girl that Steve was interested in. Never.

„How could I not be interested in her?"

Steve's face looked defeated and he sighed and he didn't turn his head to look at him but kept his eyes on the road.

„Bucky, don't take this the wrong way but you are not stable enough to start something with Natasha. Hell, a few weeks ago you woke up screaming during the night and trashed your room. Natasha doesn't deserve more darkness and bagage in her life. She - she deserves everything. She should have everything. I mean she takes care of everyone and hell she'll probably would take care of you as well but she needs someone to take care of her. And you can't do that. Not right now. Please wait until you're better."

„Okay, I won't make a move on her anytime soon." He promised and Steve nodded.

God damnit, he wanted Steve to admit his feelings for the spy and not made him think that he was interested in Natasha. God that tatic backfired.

Soon they reached the parking lot of the supermarket, inside they found everything on the list and Steve grabbed an extra pint of Ben and Jerry's. It wasn't on the list and when he raised his eyebrows in question, Steve explained that it was Natasha's favourite and Bucky could barely hide his smile. There was still hope.

They drove back silently to the house, grabbed their paper bags and went inside to find Natasha sitting on the armchair with a macbook on her lap and she was still wearing Steve's hoodie and her hair was...

„You're blonde!", Steve blurted out

Natasha looked up from her computer. „Are you sure James was the sniper? Your eyesight is remarkable, Rogers!"

Steve turned to him. „James?" Bucky just shrugged.

„Don't you like the blonde, Steve?", she said with a teasing voice.

„What, of course. Nat, you always look great. Doesn't matter what color your hair has. It's just different" He replied sheepishly.

"Since you both got do overs, I thought it was only fair I got one too. Besides, I blend in better with the Scandinavians as a blonde"

* * *

Steve had to leave after lunch because he promised their elderly neighbour who lived down the road to help her get her house winter ready. God bless his heart.

Which left Bucky alone with Natasha. He hadn't been alone with another person that wasn't Steve in, god he didn't know how long.

Especially a woman. As far as he remembered his handlers were men.

She was still sitting at her laptop, doing god knows what until she shut it with a sigh.

"James"

Bucky looked up from his book. He was currently reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and damn did Umbridge remind him of Pierce. They were both assholes.

"Yeah?"

"You ever played Uno?", she asked and put her long blonde hair in a pony tail. He missed the red for some reason.

"UNO? Like the UN?!" That made her laugh and he felt proud. When was the last time he made a woman laugh?

"No, it's a cards game. Wait" She walked to one of her bags and pulled a small, red package out of it. "I never travel without it"

"You wanna play? I can teach you"

"Yeah, sure"

"Great", she smiled at him.

She explained the rules and they played a few rounds which she all won but he didn't mind. She was smiling the whole time and looked younger and carefree.

It suited her well.

"I think one of my handlers at Hydra used to play Solitaire all the time. He was sitting at this tiny desk playing it for hours while he barked at me to learn the details of the mission. He never knew them, was too interested in his card game. " Bucky said and looked up from his cards. It looked like he was going to loose this round as well.

"Ilyasov" Natasha immediately replied like a reflex.

He gave her a look. "Yeah, I think that was his name"

"He worked for the KGB" Natasha put her cards down and leaned back against her armchair. If they both knew Ilyasov, did that mean they did know each other?

Natasha showed no sign that she had the same thought as him.

"Looks like the KGB was Hydra as well. I shouldn't be surprised. It's not like they sent me on rescue missions"

"You worked for the KGB?"

"You didn't know? Didn't you read my file?"

No, he hadn't. He only read the information on Steve that were dumped on the internet after SHIELD fell. He shook his head.

She took a sip from her tea. "I was trained in the Red Room and then worked for the KGB until I deflected "

She looked at the window. "I guess I didn't trade the KGB in for Hydra when I joined SHIELD. I always worked for Hydra. Bozhe moi"

"I'm sorry, Natalia" Shit, that slipped. Her speaking Russian made him do it.

Her head snapped back at him and her face was unreadable for him.

"No one has called me that in a long time. Natalia died when Clint was sent to kill me. Natasha came with him to wipe out the red in her ledger"

"Okay, _Natasha_ "

She nodded, picked up her cards again and threw one on the pile. Fuck, he had to draw four cards. Natasha smirked.

* * *

Let me know what you think

I have this headcanon for this story that Uno is the first game Clint taught Natasha after he saved her and she always has one with her to remind her of that.

Next: Bucky takes things into his own hands, may forget chores on purpose and discovers that the house has thin walls


	6. Chapter 6

VI.

They got easily into a new routine.

Bucky and Steve went running every morning in the darkness while Natasha made them something to eat.

Steve asked Natasha the first time if she wanted to join them and she peaked her head out of her blankets, almost looked offended, said „fuck no" and rolled herself back into her warm cocoon and went back to sleep.

He almost called her cute but he didn't want to die. He couldn't leave Steve.

When they returned it was still dark but Natasha was up and breakfast was ready.

They would watch the news, Natasha would go through her webs to gather intel and Bucky would make lunch.

Steve and Natasha would spend the afternoons sparring in the basement and Bucky once walked in on them with Natasha on top of Steve, pinning his hands down next to his head and he was grinning at her and she smirked right back at him.

Yeah, Steve was always a sucker for girls who could kick his ass. Not that he could blame him. He was pretty sure he was also into kickass dames.

He never sparred with them. They didn't ask him why and he was thankful for that. He exhausted his body with running, he wasn't ready to fight again.

In the evenings Steve would make dinner and Natasha would choose something on Netflix to watch for them.

Now Netflix was somthing that Bucky was really behind. So many movies, shows and documentaries for him to explore. They barely had money to go to the movies back in the day and now they could watch anything anytime. The future was indeed spectacular.

Natasha was the one who introduced him to this wonderful world and he almost resented Steve when he found out that he already knew about the site and didn't show it to him.

Natasha usually sat in the armchair next to the fireplace and the men were on the couch but from time to time Bucky _happend_ to be the first one in the room and immediately went for the chair so that Natasha had to sit next to Steve on the sofa.

Actually it was fucking hard to beat Natasha to get to the chair first because she was sneaky and fast as hell but the things he did for his friends love life.

Yes, he thought it was okay now to consider Natasha a friend.

Natasha glared at him but sat down next to Steve without any comment. Bucky suspected that she was onto him but the look on Steve's face when Nat fell asleep with her head on his shoulder was worth it.

His pal wasn't just _into_ Natasha, he was _in love_ with her. Bucky could see it clearly in that moment.

* * *

It was getting colder as in really fucking cold. Maybe they really should have gone to Hawaii. The snow was knee deep and Natasha had problems to walk through it due to her size which made him laugh and Steve looked at her like she was the most precious thing in the world. To him, she probably was.

Natasha flipped Bucky off and continued to waddle her way through the snow.

They mostly stayed in the house where it was warm and cozy. Natasha gave her armchair up to sit next to Steve after she declared him her man-heater which made Steve naturally blush but he didn't say anything when she pulled his arm over her shoulder and settled into his side. The punk looked like he went to heaven.

Natasha still slept on the couch even though Steve offered her his room again and again (Bucky almost suggested that their could _share_ a bed but he kept that to himself).The Masonry heater was running 24/7 or Natasha would get hypothermia. Even he and Steve started to get cold despite their serums.

That day Bucky may or may not have forgotten to chop enough wood for the heater on purpose but who could prove that? He was almost 100, give him a break, he was allowed to forget things, right?

The fire went out in the night like he expected and he waited for Natasha to make her move, hoping that she would seek out her „man-heater".

For some time, he didn't hear anything so he started to think that she would sleep through the cold but then the heard the wood of the stairs creaking.

He closed his eyes and evened his breathing out just in case she looked into his room.

But she didn't went to his room. Steve's door got opened wider and then he heard light footsteps over the wooden floor.

„Steve?" She whispered. No reaction. Then again „Steve?" Still no reaction. He knew from experience that Steve could sleep like a bear.

„Steeee-veee!" She started to sound annoyed. He heard a grunt.

„Huh?"

„Steve!"

„What are you doing here? In my room?" He sounded flustered.

„Are you okay?" Now he sounded concerned.

„No" She huffed. „The fire went out and it's too cold for me. Here my fingers are ice!"

Steve shrieked and he assumed she touched him with said fingers.

„Holy hell. Come on, you can sleep here" Steve probably made room for her in his bed because the bed frame creaked. Finally he got them to share the damn bed!

Natasha sighed and there were footsteps again. Heavier. Steve's. Wait what?

„Where are you going?" Her voice sounded vulnerable and tired.

„To the couch" His voice went up at the end of the sentence like it was question.

„If you leave, the warmth leaves. Come back."

„Oh yeah, um right". Bucky didn't need to be in the room with them to know that Steve was blushing again.

The bed creaked and Steve asked Natasha if this was okay. She didn't say anything and they stayed quiet for the rest of the night.

* * *

Every day Steve and Bucky woke up at 5 am for their two hour run.

So Bucky got up, put his running clothes on and walked out of his room. Steve wasn't waiting for him like he usually did.

The bedroom door was open and he dared to peak inside to find Steve still asleep.

He was laying on his side, his head buried in the crook of Natasha's neck. Natasha ,also sleeping, sighed, turned around, now facing Steve and rested her head under his chin. His arm came out under the blankets and he unconsciously pulled her closer to him.

It was fucking adorable.

Realizing that watching people sleep might be considered creepy, he closed the door carefully and left the house for his run.

* * *

Leave a review:)

Next: ANGST!


	7. Chapter 7

VII.

Everything was different when Bucky returned from his run.

He built up some sweat and was in desperate need of a shower. He didn't want to wake up the lovebirds with the noise but he was reaking.

The minute he stepped through the front door he could practically feel the tension. Steve sat at the kitchen table and stared into his coffee mug.

He must've chopped some wood because the house was warm again. Natasha wasn't downstairs.

„Morning Steve" He greeted his friend and got out off his jacket and shoes.

„Morning" He mumbled and continued to stare into his mug.

„Where's Natasha?"

„Gone"

„Gone?"

What did that mean she was gone? Did she go out? At 7 am in the morning? It was still dark outside and freezing.

„Fury called. He needed her 'expertise'." He made airquotes. "She left an hour ago. She couldn't leave fast enough" He sounded bitter.

„Is she coming back?"

He didn't want to admit it but he didn't just ask for Steve's sake. He got used to having them both around. He liked to live in the bubble the three of them created.

„The fuck do I know!" He got up, threw the coffee into the sink and left the kitchen.

Okay, what the everloving fuck was going on? Steve seemed furios. At Natasha? At himself? Did Bucky mess things up for them? He was aware that tricking them into sharing a bed was a dick move but he had their best intentions in mind.

He found Steve in his room staring out the window. „Buddy, are you okay?"

„No" He laughed. „No, I'm not okay at all"

He turned around and his face broke Bucky's heart. He looked defeated, sad and lost. „Steve, what happend?"

He sighed and sat down on his bed.

„Natasha and I slept together. Um, I mean we shared the bed last night. We didn't have ... you know" He made a gesture with his hand to the ceiling.

Bucky felt a pang of guilt in his chest. This was his fault. He wanted to make Steve happy and now he was miserable.

„The heater was out and she came to me because she was freezing" He looked to his side like he was imagining Natasha in his bed again.

„I woke up and she was in my arms and I just looked at her and then she opened her eyes and they were so open and raw and I don't know, it was just the moment, you know? The perfect moment. She had this small smile on her face and I just kissed her"

He dropped his head into his hands. „I ruined everything with her"

„You love her, don't you?"

„Yeah, I do. I love her so fucking much."

„Did you tell her that?"

„God no. She was already freaking out after we stopped kissing. She jumped out of the bed and took a shower. I waited for her and she just walked past by me and then Fury called and she left. Like the bastard knew she needed a way out. She just grabbed a bag and walked out of the door."

„So you didn't talk about the kiss?"

„No, I tried to but she brushed me off. Making a joke that I was planning on kissing every woman I know"

Steve looked like a lost puppy and it was all Bucky's fault. He figured that Natasha might be scared but he was sure that she had feelings for Steve. And now he fucked it all up because he wanted to play cupid.

He wanted them both happy. Steve was his brother, the reason he was still here.

Natasha was his friend and he felt connected to her in a way that he couldn't quite place. They were some sort of kindred spirits, both being brainwashed and used.

Natasha was probably the only one who really understood him. And now she was gone and might not come back.

Being loved by Steve was overwhelming. He didn't want to have Steve to deal with his mess. That's why he stayed away after DC and after the memories of Steve came slowly back. He could understand why Natasha freaked out. Steve's love was warm, full of light and it made you want to be a better person. He could guess that she didn't think she was worthy of it. He felt the same way when it came to Steve. He gave up everything for him and he still wasn't sure he deserved such a sacrifice.

„Do you know where she went?"

„No, she said that I wasn't needed. I asked her when she would be back and she just stared at me and walked out the door"

Steve got up from the back, walked past by him and then downstairs.

„I'm going for a run" He heard the front door shut close.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. What did he expect would happen? Natasha and Steve sitting at the breakfast table, eating breakfast and holding hands? Well, actually he was kinda hoping that would happen and now everything was messed up. Shit.

* * *

The next days were quiet, Steve barely talked, went running and hiking and stared at his phone all day.

Bucky tried to distract him with movies and games but Steve just smiled sadly and said he would be in his room.

Once he asked him to play Uno because Natasha left her cards but Steve just looked like a puppy that got kicked and grabbed his running gear and went out.

So, Natasha taught him to play that game as well.

They were eating breakfast when Steve's phone rang and he nearly knocked his chair over when he got up to get it from the living room.

Was it Natasha? Please let it be her.

Every since Natasha left, he started to dream about ballerinas. Young girls in pretty white dresses dancing around him. A blonde girl came over to him and asked him if he didn't recognise her witith a coy smile. Her hair suddenly turned red as blood and he woke up.

He had no idea what this was supposed to tell him. Bucky Barnes never went to the ballet in his life and he was certain that the Winter Soldier didn't either.

He heard an eager „Yes?" and then a disappointed „Hello Sir" from the next room. Damn, not Natasha.

He went up to stand in the door frame of the living room and watched Steve pace from side of the room to another.

The other person seemed to lead the conversation because Steve got barely any words than „what" and „okay" out then stared at the phone.

„He just hung up that bastard", he was angry.

„Steve, who was that?"

„Fury" Fury? Right, the director, ex- director, of SHIELD. Another person he shot. Why was he calling. As far as he knew he never called Steve before.

„He told me to meet him in Stockholm" He rubbed his hand over his eyes and then let it drop to his side. „Told me it was about Natasha. Wouldn't tell me more. Just said a car would be here in an hour to pick me up. Then he ended the call"

„Is Natasha in trouble?" Bucky's heart sank.

The look on his friend's face told him all. „I think so"

„I'm coming with you!" He declared and was about to walk upstairs to back a bag. They needed cash, weapons and ammo...

„You don't have to. I don't know what I'll walk into. I can't drag you into this."

„I'm coming with. She's my friend as well. End of discussion."

Steve must have seen the look of determination on his face to know that it was pointless to argue with him. Steve nodded and they went to pack their stuff.

They waited outside for their ride, both in deep thought. Steve was probably already going through all the things that could have happend to Natasha.

„Do you think it's bad?" He asked his friend.

Steve took a deep breath, possibly trying to calm himself. „Yeah, Fury would have never contacted me if Natasha just broke her ankle or something. He wouldn't tell me on the phone what was going on with her"

He looked at Bucky. „I'm scared"

Bucky put his human hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. „I know. It's okay. We'll help her"

In that moment a SUV drove up their road and stopped in front of the porch.

A car door opened and a middle-aged man with short greyish dark hair walked out.

He looked from Steve to him and then again to Steve and smiled at him sheepishly. „Captain Rogers"

„Coulson"

* * *

 _Guess who's back, back again._

 _T_ hank your for the reviews

Tell me what you think about this chapter:)

Next: Steve's pissed at pretty much everyone, Nick Fury is a dick who cares and Bucky has an epiphany


	8. Chapter 8

Thank you for your reviews, keep'em coming:) It makes me really happy that you guys like my story:))

* * *

VIII.

It would take them about two hours to get to Stockholm.

Coulson went to grab Steve's bag but he just barked at him that he got it and got into the car.

The man smiled at Bucky and offered him his hand. „I'm Phil Coulson. It's an honor to meet you, Sergeant Barnes".

„Um, okay" People usually had a different reaction to him.

Coulson took his bag and put it in the trunk of the SUV. Bucky took a seat in the back of the car while Steve was already sitting in the passenger seat and waited for Coulson to start the car.

The moment he started the engine, Steve asked about Natasha.

Coulson sighed and looked briefly at him. „It's better if Fury debriefs you. He got her into this mess"

„What mess?" Bucky asked them from the back.

„It's complicated. I don't know how much Romanoff told you about her past" He looked at Steve. „ I don't want to betray her trust"

„She thought you were dead for four years, I'm not sure there's much trust left" Steve snapped.

„Guess I deserved that. Okay. When Barton brought Romanoff in all these years ago, the majority of SHIELD thought he lost his mind. Some wanted her arrested, others wanted to put a bullet into her head"

Steve winced. „What about you?"

„Operation Odette. Barton and me were ordered by Fury twelve years ago to shut down the Red Room. We saw first hand what they did to those girls. They never had a chance, no free will. When we finally tracked down the location of the Red Room, the Russians already killed every girl. 15 little bodies lying in their beds, one hand cuffed to the headboards. They gased them in their sleep. They didn't want us to find them alive. It was one of the worst things I've ever had to see in my career.

When Barton came back with Romanoff alive and not dead, I knew immediately why he did it. He couldn't save the 15 girls but he could save this one. I shared his sentiment . It took some time to convince Fury. He was unsure. He knew that if she could overcome the brainwashing that she'd be a valuable asset for SHIELD but the risk was high. Besides a lot of powerful people wanted her head on a silver platter"

Then Coulson smiled at Steve before he looked back at the road.

„One week after Barton brought Romanoff in, Director Carter marched into Fury's office, stayed for five minutes, yelled something about how she was too old for this and left. Then he ordered me to have Romanoff evaluated. Five months later, she and Barton went on their first misson"

Steve stared at Coulson in disbelief.

„Carter was the first to discover the Red Room in the 40s. She always wanted to save those girls."

„Wow", Bucky said and Coulson nodded.

Steve was silent and looked out the window.

„Fury sent her back" He was still looking out the window. „He sent her back to those bastards"

„Yes, he did"

They remained silent for the rest of the drive. Coulson kept glancing at Steve and Steve kept staring out of the window. Bucky knew he was pissed.

Hell, was pissed as well. He only knew Natasha for a few weeks and was furious. He couldn't even imagine what Steve was feeling right now.

* * *

Stockholm was a beautiful city, it was early december and the city was full of christmas lights. Bucky was looking forward to spend Christmas with Steve and Natasha. He bought stockings for the three of them. Now, he wasn't so sure if they would even get to celebrate the holiday at all. What was the point if Natasha wouldn't be there. Whether because she didn't want to or _couldn't_ because something terrible might have already happend to her.

They reached the industrial part of Stockholm and Coulson stopped the car in front of a papermill.

They got out of the car and walked into the building. The factory looked like any other factory until an elevator brought them down to the basement.

People were running around, glass walls sperated the rooms and computer screens were everywhere with data, news shows and surveilings feed.

„Welcome to SHIELD 2.0. This is our Northern Europe office.", Coulson announced and lead them through the long corridor.

He stopped in front of an old wood door that lead to the only room with stone walls as it seemed.

He opened the door and a dark-skinned man in a leather jacket and blue jeans was leaning against a desk that was in the middle of the room. He was wearing an eye-patch. Fury, Bucky remembered.

„Rogers, Barnes" He nodded at them and then eyed Bucky. „Didn't think you'd showed up" Bucky was about to say something when Steve spoke up.

„How could you send her to them?" He was infuriated. „You know what they did to her! What they made her do!"

Fury stood up and straightend his jacket. „I only sent Romanoff to gather intel. She's Russian, knows the area and how the Red Room works. She was the best for the job."

He went to a sidetable to pour himself a glass of scotch. „Believe me it was never my intention that she got captured."

„Captured?!" Steve yelled and Bucky got sick in his stomach.

„She could be tortured right now and you just calmy enjoy your drink? You fucking bastard!"

„You kiss Romanoff with that mouth, Rogers?" He raised an eyebrow at him.

Oh fuck, that was the wrong thing to say. Especially due to recent events.

Steve stormed over to Fury in a few strikes and grabbed him by the collar of his jacket and pushed him against the wall. „Don't joke around when her life is on the line!"

Fury was extremely calm considering the fact that Steve looked like he was ready to put him through the wall. And he was physically capable of doing so.

Bucky went over to them and told Steve to let him go. He hesitated for a second, glared into Fury's eyes, more like eye, and let him down.

Fury still seemed completely unfazed, nodded at Coulson who was totally shocked and the man walked to the desk, typed something into the laptop and data appeared on the big screen on the wall behind the desk.

Fury glanced at Steve. „Believe or not. I do care about Romanoff. That's why I called the greatest soldier in history to make sure she gets home"

Coulson handed them files. „We have reason to believe that Hydra is reviving the Red Room. Agents Hunter and Morse have already been in Yekaterinburg for a couple of weeks. They already got as close as they could without blowing their cover. I informed Fury about the progress and he..."

„And I called Romanoff. I asked her to go to Yekaterinburg to help Hunter and Morse to get in. I wanted her to use her contacts to locate Hydra, so we could destroy their locations in Russia." Fury took a sip from his scotch and Steve glared at him.

„Romanoff was supposed to rendezvous two times a day with my agents", Coulson looked guilty. „She missed every rendezvous in the last three days"

„Three days!" This time Bucky yelled. Three days was an eternity. She could be anywhere. She probably wasn't even in Russia anymore. She might be already dead. He wanted to throw up. He didn't dare to look at Steve in this moment.

Instead he opened the file that Coulson gave them.

'Operation Odette'

The first page was a photo of young girls in white tops and tutus dancing ballets. Bucky's widened. He'd seen this before.

 _He was standing in front of a massive glass wall looking at the young girls dancing in the room before him, the candle light making it hard to make out their faces._

 _One girl seemed to be faster, more flexible, more elegant than the other dancers. She moved like she was one with the music._

„ _They are weak" He grunted. „Weak and breakable"_

„ _Yes, soldat. They are" Madame B agreed._

„ _But this one" She pointed at the girl he noticed before. Her hair appeared to be brown or maybe reddish, he couldn't tell from here._

„ _This one is made out of marble" She knocked against the glass and one of the older women standing against the wall walked through the crowd of girls and escorted the girl to them._

 _She stepped into their room and now with better lighting he could see her._

 _She was fourteen or fifthteen years old, had a pretty face, green eyes and red hair._

„ _Introuce yourself, child", Madame B instructed._

 _The girl walked over to him, pointed her chin up, so she could look him in the eyes. „I'm Natalia Alianovna Romanova" She said proudly._

Fuck.

Bucky looked at the screen on the wall where one of the open files was Natasha's.

There it was Romanova, Natalia Alianovna.

FUCK. _He knew her_.

* * *

 _whoomp there it is_

I feel like I should point out that not all his memories came back. Just this one.


	9. Chapter 9

IX.

He met Natasha, _Natalia,_ when she was just a girl. And he didn't do anything to help her or the other girls. Steve would tell him that there was nothing he could have done, he wasn't in charge of his mind. He wasn't Bucky Barnes at that time.

Bucky Barnes was a big brother. He adored his little sister Rebecca. The smile on her face when he managed to save enough money to buy her a toy, the way she laughed when she threw her arms around his neck and he picked her up to spin her around.

Those girls were the same age that Rebecca was the last time he saw her. His little Becca who wanted a pet and he promised her he would get her a dog when he returned from Europe. Did Becca ever get a dog ?

He couldn't look her up and he didn't ask Steve if she was still alive. He didn't know what would be worse her being dead or her being alive and finding out that he was a monster.

What would Rebecca think if she knew he didn't save those girls? Didn't save Natasha who taught him Uno and made fossil jokes about him and Steve?

Did Natasha remember him? Did he train her? Was that the reason they were introduced? He didn't think the Winter Soldier was programmed to be gentle with her. Did he do more horrible things than shooting her? Should he tell Steve? He should tell Steve. He was probably more than once in the Red Room, maybe they could trigger some memories to help find Natasha. He didn't save her then, he had to save her now.

* * *

Fury was checking his phone, Coulson was on his tablet and Steve stared at Natasha's picture on the screen. Bucky was about to ask Steve to leave the room with him, so he could talk to him in private.

He door suddenly opened and a man, a bit shorter than him, with a slim figure and dark, short hair walked into the office.

Coulson looked up from the tablet. „Ah, Hunter. Got anything new for us?"

Hunter stared at him and than at Steve, clearly recognizing them.

„Bloody hell" He pointed at them and looked at Coulson. „Are those...?"

„Yes and they are not here. Got it?" Fury had a sharp tone in his voice.

He nodded.

„Hunter? Any news?" Coulson asked.

„Yeah, nothing good though. Romanoff didn't get captured like we assumed."

Steve had a confused expression on his face. „How's that not good news?"

„Well, it's not good news because she betrayed us. She's a bloody traitor!"

He threw a handful of pictures on the desk.

Steve looked like he was ready to put another guy through a wall and Bucky shared the sentiment. Who the fuck was this fella? How could he say this shit about Natasha.

Coulson took the photos, looked at them, his face showing no emotion. He passed them on to Fury who threw them back on the table.

Steve and Bucky stepped forwards to see the pictures.

Natasha was walking down the street, wearing a black fur coat, her blonde hair curled, her lips red as blood, her head was thrown back in a laugh and her hand was in the crook of a man's arm. The man appeared to be in his 60s. He had a prominet scar on his forehand and looked clearly pleased that he made Natasha laugh.

„Vasily Karpov" Coulson explained. „Head of the Russian diversion of Hydra, Department X. He ran the Red Rooms in the 70s until 90s."

„Natasha's obviously playing him to get intel" Steve said, his faith in Natasha intact. Bucky had to agree. She was a spy for fuck's sake, this is what they did. Just because she was spotted with this Karpov didn't mean she switched sides.

Hunter rolled his eyes. „Don't you think Bobbi and I considered that? We've done enough undercover ops ourselves. She didn't rendezvous and we got worried. We tracked her down and found her with Karpov. We still thought it was part of her plan. The next time we were supposed to rendezvous, yesterday actually, she finally showed up. Along with Karpov and his men. Bobbi and I barely made it out."

Steve's eyebrows were narrowed, his arms were crossed over his chest.

Fury spoke up. „Did you never had to do some shitty to protect your cover, Hunter?"

„I never risked my partners lifes, Sir!" He spat out.

Fury scoffed. „If Romanoff wanted you dead, you'd be dead. Believe me. She's the best of the best. The perfect killer. If you made it out alive that means she wanted you to."

Hunter looked like he wanted to say something else but the look on Fury and Coulson's faces stopped him.

„So Natasha is safe?" Steve asked.

„For now. Morse still in Yekaterinburg?" Coulson wanted to know.

Hunter nodded.

„Good, you can leave now" Fury ordered. Hunter glared at him but left without further comments.

Fury followed shorty after with his phone to his ear.

Natasha was relatively safe for now. She wasn't captured and didn't deflect. She was doing her job and yet Bucky had a weird feeling in his gut.

"Is there something you're not telling us?" Steve looked at Coulson with his 'don't disappoint Captain America' face. The look seemed to work. Coulson pointed at the two seats in front of his desk and they sat down.

"Did you know that Natasha is the last living graduate of the Red Room? Every class had only one graduate because she killed the rest of the girls"

Steve nodded, his eyes fixed on his shoes. "Natasha told you about this?"

"She mentioned a horrible _training exercise_ with her being the only survivor"

God, he should have gotten the girls out of that dancing room. He should have grabbed Natasha and ran away with her. _You weren't yourself._ Did that matter?

"So you can see that the Black Widows were rare . It took years to train them. The KGB killed some, we killed some, then we shut the Red Room down. The last graduates weren't as valuable as Romanoff and Karpov had them killed. They were useless to him. There were only two Black Widows left. Romanoff and Yelena Belova. Belova claimed to be the rightful Black Widow and wanted to kill Natasha. Needless to say that Romanoff won that fight and killed her. That was 2010. Since then she's the only one. They restarted the Black Widow Program last year, the first graduation won't take place in at least four years"

Fuck, Bucky started to realize where Coulson was headed.

"The Winter Soldier was Hydra's most effective asset. Followed only by the Widows. The Winter Soldier is lost..." Coulson looked at Bucky.

"But the Black Widow returned to them" He finished for the Director.

Steve's laugh sounded bitter. "She'd never join them."

Fury chose that moment to come back. "On her own? No, she wouldn't. I meant what I said to Hunter. What I didn't tell him is that they have ways to make her do it"

He looked at Bucky. "Barnes you aren't the only one with triggers implanted in your brain."

 _Natalia died when Clint was sent to kill me_. Her voice echoed in his head. Bucky closed his eyes. Hydra could bring Natalia back from the dead and there was no doubt in his mind that they would. Maybe already had. Fuck, they needed to leave now to get to her.

Steve stood up and walked over to Fury. His tone was dangerously calm. "You're going to get me to Yekatarinenburg now! Then I'm going to get Natasha out and we'll never have to see your face again"

Fury sighed. "I know you don't believe me when I say that I care about Natasha. A lot, actually." He chuckled. "And I know how much _you_ care about her. In a different way though, I assume. But I had to make a choice. They are currently 20 young girls in Yekatarinenburg. Taken from orphanages with the promise of a loving family. Instead 19 of them will eventually die, maybe even the graduate. I had to take that risk. And deep down you know it"

"You're not the Director anymore" Steve said.

"No, he's not. I am. I've been Natasha's handler since her first official misson for SHIELD until my death. There is nothing on this earth that would have stopped her from helping these girls." He gave Steve a sad smile. "She's got red in her ledger, she wants to wipe it out"

Steve's shoulders sank in resignation and he returned Coulson's tired smile. Bucky could understand Natasha's decision to do this mission. He would have done the same. This wasn't about wanting to do it but _needing_ to do it.

"Morse called me. She's positive that Romanoff is still in Yekatarinenburg" Fury announced. Okay, then what were they waiting for?

Steve gave Coulson an expecting look. "Quinjet is ready in 10. Agents Johnson and May will accompany you"

* * *

Tell me what you think:)

Hunter is not a dick in this story, he's just pissed he got shot at. I love Hunter!


	10. Chapter 10

Thanks for your reviews! Keep'em coming and _I'm sorry_

* * *

X.

Coulson led Steve and Bucky to an small underground airport with five Quinjets.

The ramp of one Quinjet was down and two dark-haired women were waiting for them.

„These are Agents Melinda May and Daisy Johnson" Coulson explained and May nodded and Johnson waved.

„I don't need to remind you that these two men aren't here. It's official only you two" Coulson reminded his agents.

„Sure thing, Boss" Johnson smiled at him and Steve. May just rolled her eyes and went to the cockpit of the jet.

„Alright. Be careful" With that Coulson left and Bucky and Steve entered the jet.

May turned around from her seat. „We'll be in Yekatarinenburg in three hours"

Steve nodded. Agent Johnson was staring at them with admiration in her eyes. The same look that Lang guy had when he met Steve. He could understand that reaction when it came to Steve but him? For some reason she looked at him the same way she looked at Steve. There was no hatred or fear in her eyes.

„It's an honor to meet you both!" She smiled, then the smile left her face. „I wish it was under different circumstances though."

„Thank you for refusing to sign the Accords, Captain Rogers." She gave him a small grateful smile.

„You had to sign?" Steve asked.

She nodded. „I'm an Inhuman"

A what? Johnson must have seen the confusion on Bucky's face.

„The short version is that I have alien DNA and can cause waves of vibrations. I once started an avalance"

Bucky's eyes widened. Jesus, Wanda with her weird red waves things , a fucking spider kid and now her. The future was wild.

„That's impressive, Ma'am. I'm surprised no one tried to get you to join the Avengers" Steve said.

Johnson beamed at that. „Thank you! I like it at SHIELD though, it's my home."

Bucky looked at Steve who smiled at Johnson briefly and then opened the files on his lap and spent the rest of the flight to go over it again and again.

He still hadn't told Steve that he met Natasha in the Red Room. Now didn't seem the time to do it. He didn't want to tell him with Johnson in earshot and he couldn't just ask her to leave them for a minute. Even though she was very nice to them, they didn't know her and she was still a SHIELD agent and they were wanted criminals.

Half an hour before they reached Yekatarinenburg Johnson got up and joined May in the cockpit.

This was his time to tell Steve the truth. What would he think about him when he told him that he was most likely partly responsible for what the Red Room did to Natasha as a child? Could he forgive him? For hurting the woman he loved?

Bucky cleared his throat. „Steve, I have to tell you something."

He looked up from the files and Bucky could see that his eyes were glistening.

„Steve?"

„What if we're too late?" He whispered. „What if they already killed her? What if they triggered her and we can't get her back?"

„You got me to break through 70 years of brainwashing. Even if she isn't herself anymore, I'm sure, no I know that you can bring her back", he assured his friend. Steve's love brought him back, Steve's love can bring her back.

„And I don't think she's that easy to kill. Hell, I failed two times and I'm supposed to be the best" He joked and hoped to make his friend feel a little bit better.

Steve snorted. „Don't let her hear that. I'm pretty sure she thinks she's the best"

Bucky patted him on the back and he decided to tell Steve about his memory later.

He would tell him after they got Natasha and the girls out and he could tell her that they met when she was a teenager. He still wondered if she knew that or if they wiped her so often that she forgot it.

* * *

May landed the jet outside Yekatarinenburg on a field where a blonde woman waited for them.

„Agent Bobbi Morse" Johnson informed them.

Morse introduced herself and drove them into the city to her safehouse.

The safehouse was a small terraced house in a suburb of the city. The walls were plasterd in photos, maps, news articles and handwritten notes.

Morse went to the fridge to get water bottles for them. Steve took his and eyed her carefully.

"Do you think Romanoff deflected as well, Agent Morse?" He used his Captain America voice. She blinked at him confused.

"Deflected?!" She echoed. Then there was a look of realization on her case. "Damnit Hunter!"

She threw her hands in the air. "I told him she was protecting her cover! God, what an idiot!"

"An idiot you married" May said.

"And divorced" Johnson added.

Morse looket at Steve. "I know Agent Romanoff. We worked together. I do not think she willingly switched sides and joined Hydra. She's a good person, Hunter doesn't know her"

Steve nodded. Bucky looked at Johnson and May. "What about you two? Do you think Romanoff is the enemy?"

May shook her head. "I worked with her as well. We saved each other's asses a few times. Natasha is one of the good guys."

"If May and Coulson trust her, I trust her" Johnson said.

Good, he believed them. He would have had no problem with leaving them at the safehouse to get Natasha with Steve alone. But they needed more people to get the girls out.

"So now that we've established that can we get on with the mission?" May asked.

Morse gave her an amused look before she pointed on a photo on the table in front of her.

"This is where Karpov is keeping the girls. It's an old castle that the Bolschewiki took from the nobles during the revolution. Hydra gifted it to Karpov 20 year ago." She paused for a second. "This is the new Red Room"

Bucky stared at the picture. This was where Natasha and the children were.

"Security?" Steve asked Morse, also staring at the picture.

"Ten guards walk the property. They changed shifts every six hours. Which means they are at least 40. No snipers or watchtowers."

"Any idea how many are inside?" May asked.

"Karpov, the girls and Romanoff .The girls have to clean and cook themselves so no staff. The girls sleep in the basement. Thermal cam last night showed seven unintentified adults inside. Possibly trainers."

Steve nodded. "We go in tonight. Karpov thinks you're dead thanks to Natasha so we have the moment of surprise. Do you have a map of the area?"

Morse nodded and put one on the table next to the picture.

"May, Johnson and Bucky go in from the east side. You go straight to the basement, take out everyone who gets in your way. You get the girls and radio Coulson so he can inform law enforcement to get the girls to safety." Steve ordered.

"Morse and I go in from the west. We'll make enough noise to get them distracted and to get Natasha to figure out we're here. May and Johnson, you stay with the girls until the police shows up. Bucky, you go back back to the forest behind the castle so they don't get you. Nat and I meet you there. Morse stays behind to hand over Karpov." He looked at her. "It's your mission, you should be one to turn him in"

Bucky didn't want to think about it but he had to ask Steve. "What if Natasha doesn't want to come with you because she's _different_?"

"I will not leave here without Natasha. If she's not herself, I'll drag her out kicking and screaming." His voice didn't tolerate any objection. Bucky nodded.

"We have something for you, Captain Rogers." Johnson said and walked over to one of the suitcases they took with them from the Quinjet.

She looked at Bucky. "I'm sorry, Sergeant Barnes. Fury didn't tell us you'd join the mission"

She pulled a dark blue stealth suit out of the case and handed it to Steve. "My old uniform" He sounded surprised.

"Coulson said Captain Rogers was in charge of a SHIELD mission, so he should dress the part" May explained.

* * *

Bucky, May and Johnson walked through the woods to get to the castle from the south. He had an Ak 47 strapped on his back, May had two hand guns in thigh holsters and Johnson raised her two armes when he asked her where her weapons were.

"You want to punch your way through?" He asked incredulously.

"Inhuman, remember?"

"Right" He was actually curious to see that in action.

They got to the fence that surrounded the castle and Johnson pulled out a tablet out of her bag. "I'm close enough to their server to disable their alarm system."

She typed on the tablet. "And system is down." She looked up. "We can go in"

"Copy that". Morse said through the comms. "Wait for our signal" Their signal was an explosion outside the front gate five minutes later.

"Okay, let's go" May nodded to Johnson and she raised her hand and tore a hole in the fence.

"Holy shit" Bucky couldn't help himself, Johnson smirked.

Apparently most guards went to check out the expolsion because they only ran into five that Johnson threw against the wall knocking them out. Damn, that power was really impressive.

They found the outside door to the basements and Johnson was able to crack the passcode with her tablet. A guard came their way but May shot him before he had even a chance to raise his gun. They checked the rooms but didn't find the girls so far.

"I think this is it" May said and pointed towards a double door at the end of the corridor. Bucky nodded and stepped forward to open the door. Johnson was beside him with her hand raised and May covered their backs.

He pushed the door open and the room was empty. There were dozens of twin beds but no girls. No one was here. No, wait that was not true. An old man stepped out of the shadows and smiled at them. Karpov, fuck.

"The Winter Soldier!"He sounded over the moon. "And you brought Quake!" He looked at Johnson. "Must be my lucky day"

"I wouldn't count on it" Johnson said ready to blast him but then sank to her knees, hands over her ears.

"Did you know that your extraterrestial DNA makes you vulnerable to certain sound frequencies? No? Well, we here at Hydra always enjoy research on unique objects. One of your Inhuman friends showed us the thing with the sound frequencies. I wonder what you'll teach us" He smiled again, hands behind his back, walking slowing towards them.

Johnson passed out. Shit.

Bucky raised his gun at him. "Stay where you are, asshole"

Karpov chuckled and contunied his walk.

He realized that May didn't say or do anything since they were made. He turned his head slightly to see out of the corner of his eyes that she was laying on the ground. His enhanced hearing told him that she was still breathing. Who knocked her out?

"May is a remarkable agent. Hydra has always room for remarkable people, soldat" Karpov explained. "We don't want any of you dead!"

"Don't call me that!" Bucky snarled.

"But this is who you are, soldat! And you're finally home"

Karpov began to speak Russian.

 _Longing_

 _Rusted_

NO, no. Never again!

 _Furnace_

 _Daybreak_

 _Seventeen_

" **Stop it! No** "

 _Benign_

 _Nine_

 _Homecoming_

 _One_

 _Freight car_

"Ready to comply" The Winter Soldier said.

* * *

 _*runs away*_

Leave a comment, even if you just want to yell at me.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Ten was uploaded yesterday on the 17th but it says updated on the 16th (at least when I checked) but that's not correct, so if you haven't read Chapter 10 yet, please do:)**

 **Thank you for your reviews, favourites and follows!:)**

* * *

XI.

Ten days ago Steve Rogers woke up with the woman he loved, who was he kidding – he could finally admi it to himself, then days ago he woke up with _the love of his life_ in his arms and everything felt right. When she opened her eyes and looked at him? He could have sworn that his feelings were reciprocated.

Her eyes were warm and loving. So he just leaned in and pressed his lips softly against her and then she started to kiss him _back_ and he didn't think he'd ever been happier than he was in that moment.

He pulled back and her eyes were still closed and she had a tiny smile on her face that he wanted to kiss and so he leaned in again and kissed her .

Natasha sighed and moved on her back, pulling him with her. She ran her fingers through his hair and threw one leg over his waist to pull him closer. He sighed at the contact and she took that moment to slip her tongue in his mouth. He had to say that french kissing was really amazing.

This was the first time in his life that he made out with someone. He made out with _Natasha_ and it was perfect.

„Natasha", he whispered against her swollen lips.

Her eyes flew open, pupils blown wide, the green of her eyes almost gone and then she froze. He could literally feel it due to her being so close to him.

She pushed him off and walked straight to the bathroom. Then Fury called and she left. And Steve stayed, confused and heartbroken.

* * *

And now he was laying on a hill next to Agent Morse who had a rifle before her waiting for the alarm systen of Karpov's castle to go out.

„System's down" Johnson told them through the comms.

„Copy that. Wait for our signal" Morse replied.

„Ready, Captain?" She asked him and he nodded.

He could just focus on the mission. Don't think about Nat right now. Don't think about what they could have done to her. People depend on you. Natasha depends on you. You need to focus on the mission.

Morse threw two handgranates at the gate of the castle and the expolsions drew the guards out. She shot them and she was as good as a sniper as Bucky was back during the war. All men went to the ground with bullets to their heads.

„I got you" She said to him without looking up from the rifle and he started running. More guards emerged from the castle and before they could take a shot at him, they fell dead to the ground.

He entered the building right through the open front door and took the three men out that were coming his way.

He missed his shield, he had no idea how much he depended on it until this moment. He had to get close to the men to take them out instead of just throwing his shield at them.

A woman appeared on top of the staircase in the foyer and was about to fire a shot at him and he had nowhere to hide when he heard a shot behind him and she fell down the stairs. He turned around and spotted Morse.

He gave her a short nod as a thanks. „Let's swipe the first floor for Karpov and Nat"

It was hopefully only a few minutes until he would see Natasha again.

Karpov would be laying on the ground and Natasha would have her foot on his back and she would see him and give him the smirk he loved so much.

„Hey soldier" She would say to him and he would finally breathe again because he would see with his own two eyes that she was okay.

Steve led the way and they scored the downstair rooms, no trace of Karpov or Natasha.

He pointed to the ceiling and Morse nodded. They went up the wooden stairs careful not to cause any creaks.

The hall was empty and the first room as well.

The next room was also empty but Steve spotted the black fur coat that Natasha wore in the photos on the bed. This was her room. She was here.

He heard a groan and something dropping to the ground.

His head turned around and Morse was laying on the floor. The blonde hair on the back of her head was slowly turning red, thankfully he could still hear her breathing.

He looked up and Natasha was standing in the door frame, pointing a gun at him.

„You really shouldn't have come here, Captain Rogers", she said, her eyes cold.

She hadn't called him Captain Rogers since his early days at SHIELD. He was Steve, Cap or Rogers but never Captain Rogers.

„Natasha" He whispered, his voice trembling with emotion. Was she still undercover? Was Karpov close by and she was playing him? Was that the reason she knocked Morse out? He refused to think of the alternative. She was still his Natasha.

She stepped over Morse without looking at her and still pointed her Glock at him.

Her face showed no emotion, no sign for him to play along.

„Where's Karpov?" He asked her, hoping she would give him any clue that she was still _Natasha._

Her smile didn't reach her eyes, it was menacing. „Greating our guests downstairs. How nice of you to bring the Winter Soldier. Karpov was thrilled when he spotted him on the traffic cams. Thank you for bringing him home, Captain Rogers"

Natasha wouldn't put Bucky's life in danger, she wouldn't. Everything is okay. The two people who matter the most to him would be okay.

She was now standing in front of him, only an arms length away.

She looked at him curiously. „You know that you were a legend in the Soviet Union? Hated but also admired? I wonder what they'll say about me after I kill Captain America!"

Her voice and face were calm. She looked him straight in the eye and pulled the trigger. Steve was fast enough to push her arm up so she shot the ceiling. She snarled and kicked him in the stomach.

Fuck, she wasn't playing Karpov. They triggered her. She wasn't herself. She wasn't his Natasha. He knew that look in her eyes. The look she had before she killed someone. She wanted to kill him. They ordered her to kill him.

He managed to knock the gun out of her hand and it slided away from them to the other side of the room.

Natasha punched him in the face and then kicked him again in the stomach. He only blocked her attacks, he didn't fight back. „Natasha, it's me! Steve!"

She growled and picked up a lamp and smashed it over his head.

He stumbled backwards. „Goddamn it, stop it. Fight against it. You're stronger than them."

She took his brief disorientation to use her signature move on him. Her thighs were around his neck and she used her bodyweight to bring them both to the ground. She started to choke him until he began to see stars.

Fuck, he needed to get her off without seriously hurting her. He managed to grab a broken piece of the lamp and stabbed her in the thigh.

„'m sorry" He murmered.

He could get out of her hold and he stumbled to his feet.

Natasha groaned, pulled the broken glass out of her thigh and got up. She tackled him and threw him down to the ground.

They both landed on the floor, with her straddling him. She started to punch him in the face and he threw her off of him.

„Fuck, Natasha. You know me! I'm your friend!"

She laughed. „I don't have friends!" She sounded like just the thought of it disgusted her.

She was laying on the ground and then everything happend so fast. They both saw her gun at the same time, Natasha reached for it and kicked him so that he lost his balance and fell on his back. His head hit the hard floor and he started to get dizzy.

Then she was on top of him again and pointed the gun over his heart. „Any last words?"

His head hurt too much to throw her off again, he could barely keep his eyes open.

„I love you" He didn't want to die without ever telling her. She deserved to know that he loved her.

„Love is for children" She snarled at him.

„I love you" He repeated. „Nothing can ever change that! I'm in love with you"

„I can't stop this" She whispered. „I have to kill you"

He could have been wrong but she seemed sad.

„You can fight it!"

„No, you don't understand. I HAVE to kill you" She looked defeated.

And then he realized that she had no choice, the brainwashing was too strong.

She didn't love him. Bucky hesitated because he felt for a second the love they shared. But Natasha didn't love him. There was nothing between them that was strong enough to break her out of it. It destroyed him. Suddenly he didn't care if he made it out of here alive.

He was losing his consciousness, the hits to his head were taking its toll.

„It's okay. Do it. I'll always love you" He closed his eyes. If she completed her mission, they wouldn't punish her.

„I'm sorry, Steve" Her voice barely a whisper. Then he couldn't feel the gun on his chest anymore and he opened his eyes and Natasha was pointing the gun at her own chest, beginning to pull the trigger.

„NO" He screamed and pushed his hand up to get the Glock. The bullet hit her a few inches over her heart and she fell to the ground next to him.

The wall behind them was splattered with her blood.

* * *

Scream at me with a review


	12. Chapter 12

Thank you for your reviews, favourites and follows. Means a lot!

This chapter should be less nerve-wracking.

* * *

XII.

Melinda May woke up with one hell of a headache. She checked the back of her head for blood but thankfully couldn't find any.

The room before her was empty. Barnes and Daisy were nowhere to be seen.

Wasn't there another man? Didn't she see Karpov before she got knocked out? Did Daisy and Barnes force him to bring them to the girls?

She heard noises from outside, a male voice was yelling. She couldn't tell from here who it was. Barnes?

May groaned and got up, her head still dizzy and ran towards the exit. No one was in the corridor besides herself. She stopped a few feet before the door and pushed herself against another one, so her body was hidden by the its frame.

A man, it had to be Karpov,was standing next to Barnes who had Daisy over his shoulder. She didn't seem to be conscious. What the hell was going on?

They had their backs turned to her direction and were mostly blocking her view to the outside but she could see that something was above them, hovering in the air.

She blinked a few times but then she could make out the figure clearly.

Iron Man was before Barnes and Karpov, aiming his open palm at them. Was she supposed to know that he would show up?

„Put the girl down, Barnes!" He yelled.

Karpov shook his head. „No, soldat. As long as we have her, he won't attack us."

Soldat? Was he triggered? Fuck, fuck, fuck. She tried to reach Bobbi and Rogers through the comms but could only hear static.

Stark must have landed because she couldn't see him in the air anymore.

„As much as I love to blast you through a wall, I know that you're not yourself right now." Stark said.

Definitely triggered. Shit. What was she supposed to do? May took a deep breath before she stepped out of her hidding space. She needed to be fast.

She got her gun from her holster, aimed it at Karpov's head and pulled the trigger. He dropped dead to the floor.

The Winter Soldier's head turned around and May was already running towards him, when she got to him, she launched herself at him and grabbed Daisy's shoulders.

She threw herself to the ground and pulled Daisy with her.

Stark took that moment to blast the Winter Soldier down the hallway.

„You two okay?" Stark asked them and May nodded.

„Yeah, I think so"

„Good, I'll go catch Running Man" He flew down the corridor. The blast didn't seem to knock Barnes out because he was gone.

May checked Daisy's breathing and her pulse, then she brushed a strand of her hair from her forehead.

„Wake up! You never gonna let me hear the end of it if you missed Iron Man!" She sighed and pulled Daisy's tablet out of her bag to get in contact with Coulson.

* * *

"Natasha!" Steve screamed and hovered over her, pressing his hands on her wound.

"Stay with me!" He pleaded. No, she couldn't die. She couldn't leave him. What was he supposed to do without her? It didn't matter that she didn't love him. Nothing mattered, only her survival. He couldn't do this without her.

Her eyes were open but unfocused, her breathing uneven and she groaned in pain.

"Yes, that's it. Keep your eyes open, sweetheart. You're gonna be okay!"

He heard a noise from the other side of the room and saw that Morse was waking up.

"Morse, can you hear me?" He yelled. "I need your help. Please!"

He heard a groan and her head moved up and she looked at him. She still seemed dizzy but then took the scene before her in and got up, ran over to them and kneeled beside Natasha.

"What the fuck happend?"

"We need to get her to a hospital! She's losing too much blood!" He screamed, tears in his eyes.

Natasha's eyes closed and he could tell that she was fighting to keep them open but was losing.

"We can't. You are wanted criminals. You'll get arrested!"

"She needs help!" He yelled at her.

"I know!" She yelled back. "There has to be some sort of infirmary here! Probably in the basement. I can stitch her up there"

Steve looked at the woman. She was right. They couldn't take her to the hospital. Ross could arrest her or Hydra could come for her. He nodded.

Morse got up, looked around the room and grabbed the bedsheets and ripped them apart. She wrapped it around Natasha's chest tightly.

"Let's go, Rogers. We need to hurry. There's probably already company on the way"

He picked Natasha up who was now unconscious and followed Morse out of the room.

He couldn't keep his eyes off Natasha. She was pale and sweaty and the white sheet around her chest was soaked in blood. He wanted to scream.

He followed Morse down the hall to the stairs when she suddenly stopped.

"What!" He growled. They had no time for stops but then he looked up and saw why she stopped.

Bucky was standing downstairs, staring at them with a blank look in his eyes.

No, this can't be happening. He knew that look. He saw it in DC and Berlin. Hydra got to him too. This was officially the worst day of his life.

Bucky stared at him and then his gaze went to Natasha.

"You need to let us through, Bucky! Natasha needs help."

He made no move. Morse aimed her gun at him. "Sergeant Barnes, move!" She ordered. "I will shoot you!"

He didn't move an inch. His face was cold and hard.

"Natasha is dying. Bucky, please let us through. Please, she's your friend. I'm your friend!" He pleaded.

There was no time to fight Bucky but Natasha couldn't die in his arms that wasn't how her story ended.

Bucky looked at Natasha and tilted his head to the side. Steve saw something flicker in his eyes.

"Natalia?" He asked softly and Steve didn't understand anything anymore.

Suddenly Bucky was thrown against a wall and fell to the ground, knocked out.

Tony was standing in the foyer in his Iron Man suit. He pulled his vental up.

"Jesus, can't leave you alone at all, can I?" He smirked.

But then his sight fell to Natasha and the smirk and all color left his face. His eyes widened.

"Fuck" He whispered.

Tony's facial expression of sadness gave him the rest. He couldn't hold the tears back anymore.

"Tony, we need your help" He choked out readjusting his hold of Natasha.

Morse started to run down the stairs. "I'm positive that there's an infirmary downstairs"

"Go, I'll stay here with Barnes." Tony said, still staring at Natasha.

Tony and Bucky alone? That was not a good idea.

Tony must have read his mind. "It doesn't matter right now. Only Nat matters right now. Go!"

Steve nodded and followed Morse to the basement.

* * *

He wallked down the stairs to the basement and Natasha was still out. She looked even paler now and her skin was shining with sweat.

The first room of the corrider appeared to be the infirmary. The door was open and Morse was running around, going through the cabinets.

She looked up when she heard his footsteps. She pointed at a gurney and Steve put Natasha gently down. She stirred for a second but besides that she made no movements.

Morse put gloves on, removed the bed sheet and cut Natasha's shirt open. She looked at the wound.

"Looks like a clean shot. It looks worse than it is" Her sigh sounded relieved. "Heart and aorta were missed. And her lung as well. Wow, she must have one hell of a guardian angel!"

So she wasn't dying? She wouldn't leave him? Steve was so happy about the news, he could have kissed Morse.

"Hold her still while I clean the wound and patch her up" She instructed and he nodded.

He put his hands on Natasha's shoulders and Morse started to flush the wound. Natasha groaned, her eyes flew open and she tried to get up.

"No, we're helping" Steve said softly and she looked at him and then her eyes closed again.

"Huh, that's odd!" Morse said.

"What's odd?!" Was it worse than it looked? Was he going to loose her?

"Her lung _was_ hit. But the wound is too small for a bullet hole. It's almost like it's healing" Morse told him and continued to wash the wound.

Healing? Already? How's that possible?

When Bucky shot her in DC, she was losing a lot of blood and then the next day she fought like nothing happend. Kinda like him when he got hurt.

That would mean that...

"She's enhanced" Steve whispered. "Like me. The serum is healing her"

Agent Morse had alredy begun to stitch the wound up. "Could be it" She replied without looking up.

It would make sense that Hydra would give something similiar to the Black Widows like they gave Bucky.

Natasha was the only one who could keep up with Steve in training. He always thought it was because she was _Natasha_ and Natasha was excellent at everything but maybe she had a little advantage like he did.

He stared down at Natasha. Morse was done with stitching the wound up and put a bandage over it. She grabbed blood bags and tossed them into a cooler.

"We'll give her a transfusion at the safehouse" She explained.

He wrapped a hospital blanket over her body and gathered her up in his arms. She was still unconscious but didn't look so extremely pale anymore.

* * *

"What the hell happend to you?"

They turned around and saw Johnson and May standing in the door frame, both looking exhausted.

"Barnes was triggered by Karpov" May reported. He and Morse nodded.

"You ran into him?" She asked. Morse nodded again.

"Romanoff was triggered as well" she told her colleagues.

Johnson's eyes widened but she didn't say anything.

"Who shot her?" May wanted to know.

"She shot herself" Steve explained and now all three women were staring at him. Right, he didn't tell Morse how Natasha was shot.

"She broke through the programming?" Johnson asked and she sounded impressed.

"I guess so" He wasn't sure. He didn't know what to think. He liked to think she broke through it. Was it because of what he said?

"Where's Barnes?"

"Upstairs. Iron Man knocked him out. By the way, did we know that he would come?" Morse sounded confused.

Johnson shrugged her shoulders.

"Karpov's dead and the girls are not here" May informed them.

"Hydra must have taken them and put them somewhere else" Johnson said.

No girls, Bucky and Natasha triggered and Natasha shot. Great. And Tony was also here. Great.

They heard footsteps coming down the stairs. May and Morse raised their guns while Johnson raised her hand.

"Christ, it's just me" Tony came into sight with Bucky hanging over his shoulder.

He looked at him. "How's Red?"

"Stable" Morse answered for him.

"That's good. That's good" He laughed a little. "Almost gave me a heartattack that woman"

"Steve, we need to get out of here. FRIDAY says that law enforcement is here in five minutes" Tony continued and looked at him.

Steve was confused. He wanted them to go with him? Was he going to hand them over to Ross?

"I have a Quinjet outside. I have a safehouse in Kazakhstan that no one knows about. We can be there in two hours"

What about Bucky? Tony was hellbent on killing him in Siberia. What would he do to him? Would he leave him here for the police to find?

"Barnes comes with us" Tony said. Damn, was FRIDAY able to read his mind?

"Here, take this!" Morse pushed the box with the blood bags into Tony's hand.

"Go, we'll cover for you!" May said and Johnson nodded.

Tony already left the room and walked to the exit.

"I don't know how to thank you!" Steve was moved.

"Oh please, Coulson would never forgive us if we got Captain America arrested." Johnson grinned.

He hopefully gave them a facial expression that showed his immense gratitude and followed Tony outside.

There was a Quinjet just like he said and Steve walked up the ramp. Bucky was strapped to a chair with cuffs that looked like the ones Rumlow and his men used on him back in DC.

He laid Natasha gently on the gurney in the back of the jet and hooked her on fluids. Tony joined him and connect her to the blood bags.

"FRIDAY start the jet and activate stealth mode"

"Yes, Sir"

Steve was looking at Natasha and brushed the wet hair of her sweaty forehead. She would be okay. She was safe. She would make it and that was all that mattered.

He looked up and found Tony staring at him.

"We have a lot to talk about"

"Yeah, I guess we do, Tony"

* * *

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	13. Chapter 13

XIII.

Bucky and Natasha were triggered by Hydra, Natasha almost died, he confessed his love to her and now he was going to have the conversation with Tony he was dreading for months.

Steve knew that he had to talk to Tony about what happend one day but out of all days had it be today. Of course.

Natasha was still unconscious but the colour was finally returning to her face.

Did she break through the brainwashing or was she still programmed to kill him?

And what about Bucky? Would he still be the Winter Soldier when he would wake up or would be Bucky again? He hoped that the cognitive recalibration ,or hitting really hard on the head as Nat called it, Stark did by throwing him against a wall would bring Bucky back.

He sighed and looked from Natasha over to his best friend. His head was hanging by his shoulders and he made no sign that he would wake up soon.

Tony had walked to the cockpit and waited for him.

Better get this over with as soon as possible. He made sure that Tony wasn't watching him and pressed a kiss on Natasha's forehead.

„I'm sorry this happend to you" He whispered softly.

He made his way into the cockpit and took the seat next to Tony. Before they would have their talk, he needed to know one thing.

„Are going to hand us over to Ross?"

Tony turned his chair towards him.

„Really, Steve? I come and save your asses and this is what you ask me? If that was my goal, I would have left you at that castle."

He was offended, he could tell by the look on his face.

„Sorry, it's just... We're not in a really good place right now, are we?"

„No, we're not. I may would turn Barnes in but you and Natasha? No, never"

Tony leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest.

He said he may would hand over Bucky but he didn't. It wasn't much but maybe things would get better with time.

„What exactly happend there in Yekatarinenburg? Fury contacted me, said that his right eye was itching and that I was needed in Russia. Do you think that's an actual thing? His eye itching? Like can he tell when the weather changes?"

He pulled a bag of dried blue berries under his chair out and popped a few in his mouth.

„Hydra's reviving the Red Room. Fury got Nat to gather intel and I guess she was made and they set her triggers off"

He paused, their fight was playing in his head. He would never forget those moments. Never forgot how she was laying in her own blood.

„They ordered her to kill me. We fought and then she shot herself."

He decided to leave the part of his love confession out. Tony didn't need to know that.

„Holy shit" Tony mumbled under his breath. He looked at the end of the Quinjet where Natasha was and shook his head. „She doesn't deserve this."

No, she really didn't. Natasha deserved happiness and everything beautiful in this world.

„What about Barnes?" Tony asked.

„I don't really know. I wasn't there. I guess that this Karpov knew the words to trigger him"

Tony looked at Barnes and appeared to be deep in thought.

„Tony, I'm so sorry..."

„Don't" He interrupted him. „Don't. You're not sorry that you didn't tell me about Barnes killing my parents."

He felt ashamed to admit that he was right. If Zemo hadn't shown them the video of the assasination, he didn't think he would have ever told Tony about Bucky's involvement in his parents' death.

What was there to say? Sorry my best friend killed your mom and dad? But it wasn't really him, so everything's good, right? Yeah, he wouldn't buy that either.

„I had a lot of time to think in the last months, Steve." Tony's voice was calm and distant.

„I know that Barnes had no saying in killing my mom. And dad. I read the files about his time at Hydra. I know that your friend was gone during that time. I know that I , logical speaking, can't blame him for their deaths. I should blame Hydra and I do but I also blame Barnes. It were his hands that choked the life out of my mom." His voice got more irritated the more he spoke. „He killed her and I can't forgive that. I know that it wasn't his fault but I can't forgive him"

„I understand"

„I also thought about it if Rhodey were Bucky and I can get why you did what you did. I guess I would have done the same thing. Doesn't mean I'm okay with it"

Steve nodded. It was a start, they had something to go from here.

"I'm sorry what happend to your parents. Howard was my friend and Bucky was his friend too. Hydra must have had a field day when they sent the Winter Soldier after your parents. If I could go back and change what happend to them, I would. I'd give everything to save them."

He hoped that Tony believed him. His heart broke for Howard and Maria Stark. Howard saw Bucky after 50 years alive and then got killed by him. And his poor wife was just collateral damage. Hydra was truly evil.

"I saw the files about Barnes. What they did to him." Tony said, he had a disguted look on his face.

"It's horrible what they did to him. Your Bucky sounded like a great guy and they took everything of him away and turned him into a monster. He didn't deserve this"

"So, we're going to be okay?" Steve asked hopefully.

"Not today but we'll get there" Tony gave him a small smile. "Hell, I already began to make you a new shield."

"I heard. That's very kind of you"

Tony looked again over to Natasha and then at him.

His eyes were starting to sparkle. Oh no, he knew that look. He had the same look when he found out that Sam and Hill were a thing. They were only together for a short time but Tony was immensely pleased with all the teasing he could do during that period.

"So, why were you in Russia?"

"Fury called me to help him get Natasha out"

That wasn't a lie. If he told Tony that they spent the last weeks together in Sweden, he'd never hear the end of it.

"But why you? And not Barton? He's her BFF!"

"Barton has a family"

"You are babysitting Barnes"

Damn, he had to admit that Natasha was living with them, didn't he. He guessed he owed it to Tony. He already lied enough to him.

"Natasha had been staying with me and Bucky before she left for Russia" He admitted.

Tony looked like a child in a candy store who could pick as much candy as he wanted. Shit.

"You are already living with her? Man, you move fast, Capsicle!" He grinned like a cheshire cat.

"She just needed a place to stay and we had a couch she could sleep on"

"You let her sleep on the couch?! I guess chivalry is really dead if even Captain America lets his hunny bunny sleep on the couch."

"My hunny bunny?! What are you getting at?" He knew what he was getting at but still. Let him have some dignity. But he was glad that Tony was teasing him.

The grin left Tony's face. "I always had a suspicion but when I saw you at the top of the stairs with Red in your arms. I knew"

"Knew what?"

"You looked like I felt when I thought that Pepper fell to her certain death. I always thought that you had a crush on Nat but in that moment I knew. You are in love with her." Tony gave him a knowing smile.

Was he wearing a fucking neon sign that broadcasted "I love Natasha Romanoff"?!

Bucky figured it out after only a day, Fury seemed to suspect something and now Tony knew. And Sam had been making not so subtle comments about Nat since DC.

And _he_ _told Natasha_. Fuck. Did she remember that? Did she save him by shooting herself because of what he said?

He needed a drink. He laughed, he couldn't get drunk anymore. Where was Thor with his Asgardian mead when you needed him.

"What's so funny?"

"I can't get drunk"

"We already knew that" Tony looked at him like he lost his mind. He probably did or was about to. The last hours were fucking crazy.

"I told Natasha I loved her when I thought she was going to kill me" He confessed.

Tony's eyebrows almost reached his hairline. "You left that part out in your recap"

"Yeah"

"Wait, she was about to kill you and then you confessed your undying love for her and then she shot herself?" He whistled. "Man, you should sell your story to Nicholas Sparks! Her love for you broke the Hydra programming and then she sacrificed herself for you"

Tony put his hand over his heart and sighed. "So romantic"

Her love for him?! Wait a minute. "Natasha doesn't love me!"

Tony eyed him carefully. "Can you be 100 percent certain that's the truth?"

Actually, he couldn't. Not 100 percent but wasn't that more wishful thinking than certainty? Was there a chance and if it was only an one percent chance that Natasha might love him back?

* * *

I took the hint in Homecoming that Tony was making a new shield for Steve as a sign that he was willing to move on from their fight.

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	14. Chapter 14

XIV.

He was dreaming or remembering. He wasn't so sure anymore if they were just dreams. Not since Stockholm. Not since he knew that he met her when she was a teenager.

H _e was back in the Red Room, showing Natalia the best way to kill someone silently with a knife._

 _„Cutting someone's throat is the easiest way" He told Natalia._

 _"But your victim can still scream." A man was sitting in front of them tied to a chair and he slit his throat. Like on cue, the man started screaming while he bled to death._

 _Natalia watched the whole scene curious._

 _She was older now, her figure was more femine and her face was even more beautiful than it was when he first saw her._

 _She looked up at him through her long lashes and he felt something flutter in his chest._

 _He grabbed another prisoner and kicked him so hard that the man fell to his knees. He pressed the knife into Natalia's hand._

 _„Ram the knife so hard through his pulse point that it comes out on the other side of his throat."_

 _He used his metal fingers to press into the man's pulse point. The man yelped and Natalia looked at him with disgust on her face._

 _She stepped over to him and slashed the knife into the side of the prisoner's neck. She didn't stop until it was all the way in and the tip appeared on the other side of the neck. The man wanted to scream but only blood left his mouth._

 _„Good ,you hit the vocal cords on your first try!"_

 _Natalia smiled proudly and pulled the blade out and wiped the blood off it with a towel he offered her._

 _The two guards who watched them left the room to get rid of the bodies._

 _He walked over to Natalia and brushed her hair behind her ear with his human hand and then rested it on her cheek._

 _„You need to graduate, Natalia" He looked deep into her eyes and stroked her cheekbone with his thumb „It's your only way of survival"_

 _She looked down. „They are my friends. I don't want to kill them"_

 _„They are not your friends. It's them or you. You must always choose you, do you understand? I will always choose you"_

 _She blinked the tears in her eyes away and noddded._

 _„Good" He said and kissed her on the forehead._

 _He could hear the guards returning and stepped away from Natalia to the other side of the room._

Bucky woke up startled and disorientated. Did he care about Natasha when he was the Winter Soldier? Did the Winter Soldier care about her or did Bucky break through when he was with Natasha?

He looked around and realized that wasn't his room, he wasn't in his room back in Sweden with Steve in the next one and Natasha sleeping downstairs on the couch. He wanted to wipe the sweat off his face and get out of this bed but he couldn't move his arms or legs. He was restrained and the cuffs were pretty strong. He wasn't able to break them off. Fuck, where the fuck was he.

He took his surroundings in. The room was nice. He was on a queensize bed with expensive sheets, there was an armchair in a corner of the room, a desk and apartition and behind it were as he assumed the sink and toilet. The walls were blank and concrete, no windows. Just a door with a small window at eyelevel.

Fuck, this was a cell. He was captured. How did that happen?

What was the last thing he remembered? He was with Johnson and May in the basement and then? He couldn't remember. Did Hydra get him? Where were the others? Where were Steve and Natasha? Were they okay?!

"Good morning, Sir" He heard a female voice. She had to be on the other side of the door.

"Who are you?" He shouted.

"My name is FRIDAY. I'm an artificial intelligence made by Mr. Stark." She replied, her voice sounding friendly.

Stark? Howard Stark? No, that's not right. His son. Did Tony Stark capture him? Was he still in Yekatarinenburg? Would Stark finish what he started in Siberia? He couldn't blame him. He had it coming.

"I'll alert Captain Rogers that you're awake" She said.

Steve was here as well? What was going on?

* * *

Natasha was still out. Tony gave her a beautiful room with a view over the lake that was near the house.

Clearly safehouse meant expensive mansion in Tony Stark's vocabulary.

Steve was stitting next to her bed and waited for her to wake up. Steve agreed after some arguing to put Bucky into a cell until he woke up and they could see if he the Winter Solider or Bucky . Tony promised to let Bucky out of the cell if he posed no threat to them.

Tony also suggested to put Natasha in a cell but Steve was vehemently against it. She was put through enough, she didn't need to wake up in a cell.

And now he was sitting here waiting for his friends to wake up and hoping they would be themselves again.

Tony was in contact with Coulson and tried to help him locate the girls they couldn't find at the castle. He checked the intelligence channels and so far no agency knew that three wanted criminals helped SHIELD with their mission.

Natasha chose that moment to open her beautiful eyes. He got off his chair and leaned over her.

"Nat?" He asked and hated how weak his voice sounded. Was she herself again?

"Ballet" Natasha answered.

"What? I don't follow"

"The girls, Hydra's using a cover as a ballet group to get them out of Yekatarinenburg" She said hoarsely. She licked her dry lips.

He took the water glass from the night stand and put the straw gently into her mouth. She took a few sips.

"They want to transfer them to Moscow. We need to find them." She continued. He sighed in relief. Thank god, she wanted to help the children. That meant she was herself again, right?

"I will alert Mr. Stark to give the info to Director Coulson" FRIDAY replied smoothly.

Natasha's eyes widened in surprise and she looked around to take her environment in.

"Where are we, Steve?"

"Somewhere in Kazakhstan. This is Tony's place. He helped us get out of Yekatarinenburg"

Her eyebrows frowned in confusion. "Tony?"

"What's the last thing you remember, Nat?"

"You were there. At the castle and then... Oh god, I shot you!" She yelled and looked at him with horror in her eyes.

"No, no" He said and on impulse he cupped her face with his hand. Natasha closed her eyes when he started to stroke her cheek.

"You shot yourself"

"What?" She opened her eyes. "No, I remember hearing a shot and you screaming"

He removed the blanket from her upper body. "Pull your shirt on her left shoulder down"

She raised an eyebrow at him and realized that his sentence could have had a double meaning and he felt himself blush.

She smirked at him but pulled her shirt down to reveal a bandage.

"I don't remember getting this" She whispered, her fingers tracing over it.

"Karpov triggered you" He said, pulling the blanket over her again.

"He found out that I was playing him. He said he would make sure that I'll never leave him again. He told me that you were coming and ordered me to kill you. There was nothing that I could do against it. I'm sorry"

"It's not your fault. It's okay" He gave her a little smile.

"How did I end up shooting myself? I'm glad it was me and not you that got the bullet, don't get me wrong"

"I think you were able to break through the brainwashing for a bit and stopped yourself" He told her carefully. Please don't ask me how, Natasha.

"How did I break through it?" She wondered and she looked at him like she already knew the answer to that question.

"Um, I told you to fight against it. That you were stronger than that." She was clearly expecting more than that giving her doubtful facial expression.

Okay here goes nothing, he swallowed. "I told you I lo-..."

"Mister Barnes is awake, Captain Rogers" FRIDAY saved him in the last moment.

* * *

I know I'm mean

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	15. Chapter 15

XV.

Steve sprinted down the stairs and was on his way to Bucky's cell when Tony's head peaked around a corner.

„Hey Edward, how did it go with Bella?" He fully came into Steve's sight and took a sip from his coke.

„What?"

„Still not all caught up on your pop culture references? Actually, it might be better that you didn't get that. Twillight was awful!" He quipped, throwing his can into a trash bin.

„You on your way to Barnes?"

Steve nodded.

„FRIDAY is positive that he's himself again, so I told her to release him from his cuffs" Tony said.

„Thank you" He really was thankful. He couldn't imagine what it must have been like for Tony to house the man that killed his parents. He had a bigger heart than people gave him credit for.

„Is Red up?" He asked and looked up the stairs.

„Yes, she is"

„Good, I wanted to talk to her before I leave."

„You're leaving?"

„Can't stay off the grid for too long before Ross gets all clingy." Tony scoffed. „That guy is a huge pain in the ass. You can stay if you want to. Or take a Quinjet to get back to wherever you lived before Russia"

„That's really nice of you. Thank you, Tony."

Tony put his hand on his shoulder and looked up to him.

„I'm in contact with Coulson and Fury to fix the Accords. I know I messed up. I'll fix it." He patted his arm. „I'll see you around, Cap"

„Be safe, Tony"

Tony nodded and went up the stairs to Natasha's room.

* * *

Bucky was stretching his limbs after his cuffs opened. He was sore and his head hurt. He prayed to God that he didn't hurt anyone. Steve seemed to be okay since he was on his way to him as FRIDAY told him but what about Natalia? Natasha, he chided himself.

There was no doubt now for him that they knew each other. He trained her in the Red Room and wanted her to graduate. He wanted _her_ to survive and not one of the girls. He could be wrong but he thought that he deeply cared about Natasha during their time together at Hydra. Did she remember him? Did she decided to not tell him? He didn't know what to think about it. But he decided to talk to her first before he confided in Steve. It was their shared history. She deserved to be the first to know about it.

He couldn't explain it but he had a bad feeling everytime he thought about Natasha. Like he was missing something. Did something happen to her in Yekatarinenburg? Did he hurt her? Would Steve march in and beat the shit out of him for hurting the woman he loved?

The door swung open and Steve stood in the door frame. He looked at him with hope in his eyes. "Buck?"

He nodded and Steve gave him a smile. "Here" He handed him a water bottle. "Drink, you must be thirsty"

"What did I do? Did I hurt someone?"

Steve shook his head. Thank god, he thought to himself. That's a start.

"What happend, Steve? It's all fuzzy in my head."

"Karpov triggered you." Steve paused. "And Nat"

Bucky felt his whole body get tense. "Is she okay?"

"Yeah, she's now." Steve took a seat on the arm chair. "It's a longer story"

So Steve told him everything. That he was in the basement with Johnson and May looking for the girls and Karpov knocked the two agents out and triggered him with the damn words. Those fucking words and Hydra could make him do whatever they wanted him to. That Natasha was triggered as well and Karpov ordered her to kill Steve. That she stopped herself by shooting herself in the chest but was already doing much better. That May killed Karpov. That Stark showed up, knocked him out and took them with him to Kazakhstan. And that Stark wouldn't hand them over to Ross.

"Wow, that's a lot to process, punk!"

Steve gave him a tired smile. "Yeah. Everytime I close my eyes, I see Natasha bleeding out." His voice was barely a whisper. "I thought she was dying."

"Where is she?" He asked him.

"Upstairs. Tony wanted to say goodbye before he leaves"

Steve was picking his cuticles, something he did when he was nervous.

All those little things came back to Bucky day by day. One day he woke up and remembered that Steve liked vanilla milkshakes, so he went into town, bought everything and made one for Steve. The punk looked like he was about to cry, hugged him and drank his milkshake. And now Bucky remembered that Steve would pick his cuticles whenever he was nervous.

"Steve, is there more?"

He got that look he had when Mary Warren held his hand in sixth grade. A nice girl, she seemed to like Steve and to be interested in him but then her family moved to the west coast. He hoped she had a good life.

"Um, well. I kinda told Nat I loved her when she was about to shoot me and then she shot herself but I don't think she remembers any of that. She was sure that I was the one who got shot. And I'm starting to wonder if she maybe was able to break through the triggers because of what I said and if maybe she returns those feelings" Steve mumbled so fast that he had problems to understand him fully.

Wow, he missed A LOT.

Bucky tried his best not to laugh, leave it to Steve to make a love confession in a life and death situation. He eyed Steve carefully who looked at him with a expression like he hoped he would confirm his theory. He guessed he was the brainwashing expert out of the two of them.

"I don't know what you want me to say here, punk. I mean, I'm positive that she shot herself to save you. Maybe what you said made her remember that you are friends or it might made her remember her own feelings for you. I can't look into her head. All I know is that I pulled you out of that river back in DC because I felt something I couldn't name back then. But I know I had to drag you out even though I didn't remember you back then."

Steve nodded and seemed to think about what he said. "Do you want to see her?"

"Yes"

"FRIDAY? Is Tony still here?" Steve asked. Right, might be better to avoid him. He completely forgot that they were in his house.

"Yes, Sir has left the building a few minutes ago."

They got up and left the cell.

* * *

Natasha was sitting up against the headboard of the bed and typing on a notebook that she had on her lap.

She looked up when he and Steve entered her room.

"Hey boys" She gave them a quick smirk before she looked back at the computer screen.

"Ross doesn't know we were in Yekatarinenburg. No one knows we were there. Coulson and his team did a good job of keeping it quiet and they found the girls a few hundred miles before they got them to Moscow." She smiled. "They can get a chance at a free life"

"That's great" Steve said and sat down on the chair next to Natasha's bed. "How's the wound?"

Natasha moved her left shoulder. "Good"

The she looked at Bucky. "I'm sorry for what Karpov did. If I hadn't been made and he didn't get into my head, I could've stop him."

"It's okay, Natasha. That wasn't your fault. I wonder how many people are out there who know how to trigger me" He said and he could hear how bitter he sounded.

"I hope Karpov was the last one. For the both of us." Natasha said, staring out the window. "I forgot how easy it was to loose yourself and turn back into that... that thing"

"Yeah" Bucky agreed. Maybe Natasha was the only one who actually understood him. It gave him some sort of comfort that he wasn't alone in this but he wished that he was, that Natasha never had to experience this.

Steve shifted in his chair, visibly uncomfortable and then looked at Bucky and then at Natasha and smiled. "I'm glad I got you two back"

"Are we going to stay here or are we going back to Sweden?" Natasha asked. Bucky wanted to go back to their small house to live in their bubble.

He looked over to Steve whose whole face lit up. Right, back in Sweden he wasn't sure if Natasha would come back after the kiss they shared. "You're staying with us?"

Natasha seemed confused. "Of course. Where else would I go? So, are we staying here or going back?"

Steve shrugged and Bucky didn't want to make the decision even though he didn't want to live in a mansion owned by Stark. He didn't deserve his hospitality.

Natasha almost looked sheepishly which warmed Bucky's heart. He didn't think she let a lot of people see her like this.

"If it were up to me, I'd wanna go back to Sweden" She said, quietly. "Our location hasn't been made. It's still safe, I checked."

"Then Sweden it is" Steve said and announced he would find something to eat for them.

* * *

It only occured to Bucky after Steve left the room that he didn't even ask him if he wanted to stay here, not that he wanted to but still.

He smirked, what Steve's girl wants, Steve's girl gets.

"What's so funny?" Natasha asked.

"Nothing" He took Steve's seat. "There is something I have to tell you."

Natasha looked at him with slight confusion in her eyes. She seemed to feel that it was important because she shut her laptop and put it aside. "Okay, shoot"

"I remember you" He blurted out.

Natasha's eyebrowns were frown. "You remember me? You mean Odessa?"

He shook his head.

"DC?"

"No"

"That's the only times we met, James"

"No, it's not. We met before that. In the Red Room" He eyed her carefully, ready to take in any reaction she would give.

Her face was neutral, she just looked at him. No changes in her countenance. If she knew what he was talking about, she did a good job at hiding it. "Go on"

"I've been remembering pieces of the Red Room since Coulson debriefed us after you disappeared. I trained you. I cared about you. I wanted you to graduate. To survive. " His voice was barely a whisper. He wanted to make sure she was the only one who heard those words. They were only meant for her.

Natasha looked down. "I think there was a man in the Red Room who was nice to me. He brought me candy and told me to stay strong. He told me that one day I would leave that place and be free. I think I cared about him too."

She finally looked him in the eyes. "He didn't have a metal arm" She paused, deep in thought. "Maybe they altered my memories. I have memories of a happy childhood that aren't real. Maybe they made me forget you too. Sometimes I wasn't even sure if that man was real" She smiled at him sadly.

He returned her smile and out of instinct he reached over and clasped his hands over her small one. "I'm glad you made it out of there, _Natalia_ "

She looked at their hands and then at him. "I'm glad you made it out of there too, James"

They both had tears in their eyes.

* * *

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	16. Chapter 16

XVI.

They left the next morning to go back to their house in Sweden. The flight was uneventful and Natasha programmed FRIDAY to fly the Quinjet back to Tony's safehouse. There was no way they could hide the jet without drawing any attention.

They wanted to tell Steve back in their own house about their shared past.

It was interesting for Bucky to watch Steve and Natasha together. Everytime their eyes met they would smile at each other and then look away. It was rather amusing. Bucky suspected that Natasha decided to open her heart a little bit up to Steve. He hoped they would find their way to each other. Steve was his brother. He wanted him to have everything he wished for. And Natasha was his friend and he didn't realize how important she was to him until his memories of her came slowly back. She deserved love and he wished he could have told Natalia back then that a wonderful, blonde man from Brooklyn would fall in love with her because of the amazing person she would become.

He thanked the universe that he met Natasha years later because of Steve. They were the two most important people in the world for him and he would do anything for them.

* * *

The house was cold when they finally got there. Natasha stayed in her coat and boots while Steve and Bucky turned the heater on and made hot chocolate for them.

"Steve?" Natasha asked, after she shrugged herself out of her coat and pulled a blanket over her shoulders. She gave Bucky a pointed look.

"Yeah?" Steve was busy fitting as many marshmallows as possible into his cup.

"Bucky and I have to tell you something"

Steve stopped dead in his tracks and looked from Natasha to him. "About?" He sounded unsure and almost scared.

Why would he be scared? Unless of course. Oh no did the punk think they got together? Oh Steve!

Bucky shook his head slightly and decided to let Natasha lead the conversation.

She scouted closer to Steve who was sitting next to her on the couch. "I promise you that we both didn't remember it until now"

Steve looked panicked now. "Didn't remember what?"

"We met in the Red Room. He was my trainer. I didn't know who he was. I didn't even remember that the Winter Soldier trained me" She said.

"Were you together?" Steve asked quietly.

"No" Natasha immediately shook her head.

 _Yes_

Steve sighed in relief.

Yes? They weren't together back than. He had no memory of any romantic involvement with Natalia. Then why did he think immediately the answer was yes when Steve asked them.

Steve looked at him. "You called her Natalia when you were triggered in Yekatarinenburg. I didn't know why, now I know"

"The memories didn't come back until I saw the files about the Red Room in Stockholm. I wanted to tell Natasha first about it. I wasn't sure if she remembered me"

"I didn't until James told me about it yesterday. There was a nice man back in the Red Room who looked after me. I always assumed I made him up " She looked at him, her eyes full of kindness. "Thank you, James. Thank you that I wasn't alone in my darkest hours"

Bucky felt himself getting tear up, swallowed and nodded.

"James"

"Yes?"

"Nothing, it's just nice to finally know your name." She smiled at him brightly.

Bucky didn't know how to deal with this and looked at Steve for help. Steve had tears in his eyes. Not helping!

"Really, Steve?" He scoffed, trying to get his emotions under control.

"What?! Excuse me for getting emotional over my two favourite people knowing and helping each other when I couldn't" He said.

"You always have to make everything about yourself, don't you, punk?" Bucky laughed.

"Always so dramatic" Natasha said, reaching her hand up and brushing it through Steve's hair affectionately. They both stared at each other and Natasha withdrew her hand.

"Sorry" She mumbled.

"No, it's okay. It was, um, nice" Steve blushed.

Bucky took that as his cue to leave them alone. "I'm gonna take a nap" Before they could say anything to him, he got up and left to go to his room.

* * *

The two most important people in his life met each other when he was still in the ice. When he thought that Bucky was dead and had no idea who Natasha Romanoff was. It gave him some sort of comfort that they were there for each other. That not everything was horrible for them when they were prisoners of Hydra. That they had each other and now he had them in his life.

He looked over to Natasha who was snuggled into a blanket and warmed her hands with her hot chocolate mug. He loved her. So much.

He didn't even know when he fell in love with her. When SHIELD fell? When they stood next to each other in Sokovia willing to die? When they trained the new Avengers together? He just knew that he loved her and that he wanted to be with her.

She was his anchor in this new world. After Fury partnered them up and send them on missions, Natasha showed up at this door one day with a couple of DVDs under her arm and told him it was time to get caught up on everything he missed . She watched countless tv shows and movies with him, didn't roll her eyes when he didn't know how to use somthing and laughed at him when he realized that sushi meant raw fish - men discovered fire for a reason! He probably started to fall in love with her right there in his living room when she brought him up to date.

He was so lost in his thoughts about her that he didn't realize that she was talking to him.

"Steve?" She was unsure, he could hear it in her voice. He looked up and she almost seemed shy. Was that even possible for her? To be shy?

"Yes, Nat?"

"I'm sorry" She whispered into her mug.

"You already apologized and there is nothing to be sorry for" He thought she was still talking about Yekatarinenburg.

"No, I'm sorry for bailing on you" She took a deep breath. "I'm so sorry I left so fast after we kissed" She didn't look at him, she was staring at the mug.

 _Oh_. He didn't know what to say. It's okay? No, it wasn't. He rembemered how confused and heartbroken he was when she left without any comment.

"I don't know how to deal with this" She pointed between them. "I'm not good with this"

"You hurt me" He blurted out.

She looked up from her mug to him. "I know. I am sorry. You're the last person I ever want to hurt. That's why I can't do this"

This? Them being together? Did she mean that? Did Natasha have feelings for him?

"You can't do what, Natasha?" He asked quietly.

"I would only hurt you, Steve. I'm not good for you. You deserve so much more than me"

For some reason that hurt him. That Natasha thought he was better than her. Didn't she know how amazing and wonderful she was?

"That's not true, Nat. You're everything I need and want. I want to be with you" There he said it and she wasn't losing consciousness this time.

"You don't mean that. You might think that right now but you'll change your mind"

"No, I won't" He sounded like a five year old. God, how embarrassing. "Don't tell me what I think. I know what I want and it's to be with you. Why do you think I turned down every girl you tried to set me up with? There weren't you"

Her eyes widened in surprise, she probably realized that he wanted her for years, and then put her mug down on the coffee table. She threw her blanket off her shoulders and then moved over to him and sat on his lap. He froze, he didn't know what to do. Was he allowed to touch her? Were they getting together now?

"Okay" She only said and put her hands on his face and tilted his head up. "Okay. I'll try"

Try what? To be his girl? He was about to ask her what it meant but then she pressed her lips against his and nothing else mattered besides her.

She looped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer to her. Her scent filled his nose and thinking that it was okay now, he wrapped his arms around her waist and she made a beautiful hum that went straight to his groin. She kissed his jaw and then her lips moved to his neck and she sucked on his pulse point. She started to move her hips slighty against his and he honestly couldn't remember his own name then. She pressed down causing him to moan. He could feel her smile against his neck and then she lifted her head. Her eyes were glassy, pupils blown,her lips swollen and her cheeks flushed. She never looked more beautiful to him.

He craddled her face with his hands and pulled her down to kiss her again. She opened her mouth for him and he slipped his tongue in. She made a noise that almost sounded like a purr and Steve felt proud. That meant he did something right. He pressed his hips up to meet hers and she moaned his name into his mouth. She stopped kissing him and pulled away from him. He followed her immediately to kiss her again but she shook her head and then pulled her sweater off of her. She was now only in her bra and jeans and he tried his best not to stare at her breasts but to look at her face. She smirked and took his hands and slid them up from her waist to her chest. He traced the top of her breasts with his fingers and Natasha sighed happily.

His heart was beating so fast, he wondered if Natasha could hear it .He had no idea what he was doing. He was so out of his league.

" I have no idea what I'm doing here. I've never done this before" He mumbled and could feel Natasha tense.

He felt like he let Natasha down and she was disappointed. He looked anywhere but at her.

She grabbed his face and forced him to look at him. "We don't have to do this now. We can wait. "She paused to give him a light kiss. "We should wait"

Did he want to wait? All he knew was that he never wanted anything more than he wanted Natasha right now.

"I want you" He breathed out.

"Oh, I know!" She chuckled. "I can feel it" She pressed her hips hard against his lap. He groaned at the friction and she smirked.

"Your first time shouldn't be on a couch." She kissed the tip of his noise and then his lips. "James could walk in on us any moment"'

She was right. He knew he wanted Natasha to be his first and hopefully last. He always imagined that he would take her out to dinners, movies and dancing and then one evening she would invite him in and he would make love to her. It was important to him that she knew that he wanted her for more than her body. He waited over 70 years, he could wait longer.

He nodded. "You're right" And gave her a long kiss.

She put her sweater back on, sat down beside him and pulled his arm over her shoulder and snuggled into his side. He turned the TV on and they decided to watch a rerun of F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

Everytime Natasha caught him looking at her, she smiled and reached up to give him a kiss.

* * *

I wish you guys a Merry Christmas! I hope you are safe, healthy and loved! And I hope you liked my little gift at the end of the chapter;)

Leave a review:)


	17. Chapter 17

The last chapter didn't get any feedback at all and I'm kinda bumped. Steve and Nat finally got closer and I don't know if you like this developement or not. It would mean a lot if you tell me what you think about this chapter. Any constructive criticism is welcomed, so I know if I'm on the right track with my story or not. Okay that's enough rambling.

Things get a bit steamy but nothing graphic.

* * *

XVII

Things were different now. Between him and Natasha. There was an understanding and a closeness now that hadn't been there before he started remembering.

Things were also different between Steve and Natasha. He was sure that something happend between them. They kept smiling at each other, touched each other more and Natasha smirked from time to time at Steve making him blush. He could swear he could hear kissing noises but when he stepped into a room they were in, they weren't even in each other personal spaces. Steve stayed up later than he used to and stayed downstairs with Natasha when Bucky went to bed. He could hear them whispering but he couldn't make out what they were saying.

Maybe he was imagining things. But maybe be wasn't. Steve and Natasha went hiking or got into town grocery shoppping and Bucky could sense that they didn't want him to tag along. So he stayed at home and waited for their return. It was pathetic but he hated it when they were gone. He enjoyed their company and they were gone for hours. Grocery shopping took normally an hour and they were mostly at least gone for three; when they went hiking, Steve made hot chocolate and filled them into a thermos bottle. It actually took Bucky some time to realize that they were _dating._ Steve took Natasha on _dates_. At least on the kind of dates that were possible giving their situation.

That realization bothered him. He didn't know why he had a problem with Steve and Natasha dating. He tried to get them together since Natasha showed up and he saw the sparks between them.

Maybe he was jealous of what they had. He couldn't imagine that any woman wanted to date him. He was maybe popular with the ladies when Steve was still a shrimp but now? Bucky Barnes post-Winter Soldier? What woman would want to date him? The only woman who could understand what happend to him was Natasha and she was Steve's and besides he wasn't interested in her. He had to accept the fact that he wouldn't be with a woman ever again. Yeah, that must be the pang in his chest everytime he thought about Natasha and Steve as an item.

* * *

Natasha asked him to keep this between them for the mean time when Steve wanted to asked Bucky to give them the living room for one evening so they could have a real date night.

It bothered him that he couldn't take Natasha to restaurants or to the movies. He always thought he would take her to see a ballet when he finally found the guts to ask her out. He wished he could take her to the Royal Swedish Opera in Stockholm but the risk that someone recognized them or they showed up on Social Media was too high. He felt like he was failing Natasha, especially when she told him that she was never on a real date.

They told Bucky they would go into town to restock their supplies and made a detour to a glade on the other side of the small town. They stayed in the car, Steve was on the back seat with Natasha laying on top of him, drawing circles on his chest.

„I'm sorry" He mumbled into her hair.

„For what?"

„That I can't take you to a fancy restaurant with you all dolled up"

She chuckled into his chest. „All dolled up? Hey, if I knew you wanted to see me in a dress, I would have worn one when we had lunch at that cute pub yesterday"

„You would have hiked five miles through the forest in deep snow in a dress?" He asked incredulously.

She laughed. „Okay, no. Not really" She looked up and tugged herself over his body to kiss him.

Her lips moved softly against his and he let his hands roam over her back to her beautiful behind.

She laughed into their kiss and he gave her ass a light squeeze. „Who knew Captain America was an ass man?"

He rolled her eyes at her and rolled them both on their sides with Nat's back at the seat, so the cold air wouldn't bother her.

She kissed him again and sucked on his lower lip and he groaned. She managed somehow to turn them again and he was suddenly on top of her and her hands wandered under his sweater to caress his back. Her hands on his bare skin felt so good. He trailed wet kisses from her jaw down to her neck and started to suck on her pulse point. She moaned and grabbed the back of his hair. He bit her lightly and her hips pressed up against his growing erection. He shuttered and Natasha moved her hips again.

„Is this okay?" Her voice sounded like a purr.

He looked up from her neck and grinded his hips down on her. „Yes"

She nodded, her cheeks flushed and pulled her legs over his waist so he was settled between them. He kissed her with teeth and tongue and started to move against her. She moaned into his mouth, arching her back and crossing her arms over his neck to pull his whole body over hers.

„Don't stop, Steve" She breathed.

And honestly? He couldn't. It felt too good. He buried his head against her shoulder while they were grinding at each other to find their release. He sucked at her pulse point again and Natasha arched her back, her mouth open in a silent moan and he was pretty sure that she came. She looked beautiful like this and he felt proud that he put that look on her face. Her hips were still for a moment but then she bucked them a few times hard against his erection and he came as well. They had only kissed until this moment and it took him a few moments to collect himself. He made a woman come for the first time. Maybe it was a male reaction but he felt damn proud about that fact. He was already overwhelmed, he couldn't imagine what it would feel like if they actually would have sex.

Natasha started to giggle and he looked at her confused. Didn't he satisfy her?

„We just dry-humped on the backseat of a car like teenagers" She brushed his hair off his sweaty forehead.

He laughed and kissed her on the nose. He pulled himself off of her to not crush her with his weight and Natasha sat up as well and they both fixed their appareance. She looked at the wet patch on the front of his jeans and he felt himself blush.

„Nothing to be embarrassed about, Steve. I liked it a lot." She grinned at him and licked her lips and he had to suppress a groan. He hoped she didn't know all the side effects of the serum because he could go for a second round but didn't know if Natasha could or would. This was all still new to him and he didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable.

The playful look left her face and she eyed him carefully. „Does it bother you that we don't go on traditionial dates?"

He nodded. „I feel like I'm letting you down. I can't really take you anywhere"

„I wouldn't even know the difference" She shrugged. „I've never been on an actual date until you dragged me on top of that hill last week and pulled hot chocolate out of your backpack and kissed me until I felt dizzy." She smiled at him.

„YOU were never on a date?!" He was sure she was joking. How could Natasha never been on a date? He had to witness countless times that men would hit on her. Surely one of them took her on a date?

She shook her head. „No. I had flings but no one ever wanted to date me. They only wanted my body. No guy bothered to take me on a date and I was okay with that. I never had a real relationship. You're my first in that sense." She looked with uncertanity in her eyes at him.

Wait, did she just imply that they were in a relationship? He never asked her to label what they were doing because he didn't want to scare her away.

„Does that mean we're together?" He whispered, dying to hear an answer.

She gave him shy smile and nodded. „Yeah, you're my first real boyfriend"

Boyfriend. He was someone's boyfriend. No, not just someone. He was Natasha's boyfriend.

He beamed at her, grabbed her face with his hands and crashed their lips together.

„So you're my girl now?" He mumbled against her lips. He had to know it for sure. He waited for this longer than he cared to admit.

She shoved him until he was laying flat on his back on the car seat and she moved to straddle his waist.

„Yes, caveman Rogers, I am your girl now" She playfully rolled her eyes at him and leaned down to press her lips against his. Their tongues slowly danced and he grabbed her behind and pressed her against him and she gasped. He was sure she could feel how happy he was with their relationship status.

She looked at him with an eyebrow raised.

„Jeans is already ruined" He hoped he was giving her his most charming grin.

„Oh, I like this side of you" She smirked and started to move her hips causing them both to moan.


	18. Chapter 18

THANK YOU FOR YOUR FEEDBACK! Means a lot that you like my story! And thank you for your favourites and follows! I hope you're okay with a Christmas chapter on the 27th:D

* * *

XVIII.

Christmas was right around the corner. He and Steve went into the woods to find a christmas tree while Natasha drove into town to get decorations.

Bucky was tempted to ask Steve the entire time while they looked for a good tree what was going on between him and Natasha. It was right on the tip of his tongue but he figured that Steve would tell him about it when they were ready for it. He was certain that Natasha was his first girlfriend and Steve was entitled to handle his relationship the way he wanted to. And he didn't really want to know if they were together. He didn't want to see any actual evidence that they were a couple or dating or whatever they called it these days. He didn't need to see with his two eyes what he'll never have again.

Bucky pointed at trees and Steve just shook his head and marched further into the forest.

"It has to be perfect" He murmered so quiet that Bucky almost didn't hear him.

They spent what felt like ages looking for a tree and he started to feel the cold and he really wanted to go home and watch some Christmas movies.

Steve finally stopped and pointed at a beautiful tree with full green branches. " This one"

"Okay" He answered and swang his axe and brought the tree down in two swift chops.

Steve shouldered the tree and they went back to their place. He had a smile on his face the whole way back and Bucky wondered why.

Natasha was already back from her shopping trip and had started to decorate the living room. Lights were on the windows and a christmas crib was on a sidetable.

The stuff for the christmas tree was on their coffetable and it was a lot. Four boxes of baubles, lots of tinsel and three different tree stars were on the table.

Natasha turned around when they entered the room and pointed at the corner of the room. "I put the tree stand there"

Steve nodded and started to put the tree in it.

"That's a lot of decorations for one tree, damn" Bucky exclaimed and Steve looked up from under the tree and gave him a disappointed look. What? What did he do?

Natasha smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, I may have went a little overboard. I never had my own tree or get to decorate one"

Right she didn't have a childhood. They didn't have much money but his parents made sure they had a tree every Christmas. He felt like an asshole. "Sorry"

 _Oh._ Then it hit him. Steve wanted to find the perfect tree _for Natasha_ because she told him she never had one and he wanted to make her happy.

"It's fine, James. You couldn't know"

"Um, I'm gonna go make tea" He said uncomfortably and left the room.

He could hear on his way out of the room that Natasha whispered a thank you to Steve. When he slightly turned his head he could see that she pressed a kiss on Steve's cheek and he cupped her face and said something he couldn't make out and Natasha actually blushed. Holy shit. He went to the kitchen, feeling like he saw something that he wasn't supposed to witness and put water in the kettle.

When he returned with three cups of tea, Steve lifted Natasha up by her waist so she could put a star on the top of the tree.

* * *

He and Steve just came back from their trip to the local supermarket to get the ingredients for Christmas when Natasha appeared on the porch and ushered them to get in.

"What's going on?" Steve huffed, balancing two frozen geese. He insisted that one was enough but Natasha just crooked an eyebrow. And she was right with the amount of food he and Steve needed, one goose wasn't enough and there wouldn't even be something left for her to eat.

"Tony's on the news!" She yelled from the living room.

They hurried to put everything in the frigde and joined Natasha.

She put the volume up and they watched in silence.

Stark was in his Iron Man suit with his faceplate up and answered the reporter's questions. Apparently there was an attack by terrorists who got their hands on alien tech. The flying red guy with the cape was behind Stark and observed the whole scene with interest.

"Mister Stark, the people of Boston are very grateful that you and Vision helped them" The reporter said.

"It's kinda our job, isn't it?" Stark replied. "Would have been easier if the whole band was back together though. Got kinda sweaty as a two men job" He turned around. "Do you even sweat, Vision?"

Vision chose to ignore Stark's question and Natasha snorted. "Smart choice, Vision"

"The whole band?" The reported repeated. "You mean the ex Avengers who are currently wanted in 117 countries?"

"You mean the Avengers who saved this earth more than once?" Stark shot back. He looked angry.

And then he looked right into the camera. "Captain America, Black Widow, Hawkeye and the other Avengers have repeatly saved innocent lives. Vision and I can't do this alone for the rest of our lives. They protected this world and this is how the world thanks them? By calling them war criminals and throwing them into a freaking underwater prison? Who's next? Me? Vision? Who's gonna save you when we are all locked away because we had to do what was needed but wasn't okay with the UN? I remember that I had to carry a nuke through the portal in New York because the World Council decided to wipe Manhattan out. Without the Avengers six million people would have died that day"

With that he closed his faceplate and flew away, Vision right behind him.

The reporter looked startled. "Um, right back to you Chuck"

Natasha turned the TV off and looked at Steve who was still staring at the screen.

"Did Tony just campaign for our return?" She asked him. "This is the first time he openly calls out the Accords"

"Maybe you can go back to the States next year" Bucky said. He didn't want them to. There was no way he could go back and he dreaded the thought that he had to go alone on the run again after being used to company.

"If we actually can go back one day, you're coming with us James!" Natasha gave him a stern look.

He scoffed. "Oh yeah, like they would let a Nazi super assassin back into their country."

"You mean a beloved American World War Two veteran who was captured and tortured by Nazis?" She asked back.

"The world still doesn't really know who the Winter Soldier is" Steve said. "Sergeant Barnes is a war hero back home. If America finds out what happend to him, they'll want him to come home."

Natasha nodded. "Especially if they find out that Captain America risked everything to save his life. I can already smell the movie version"

"We should think about when we are going to leak the real idenity of the Winter Soldier. Get people to demand your pardon" She continued and Steve nodded his agreement.

"You really think that would happen?" He was unsure. What would then happen? They would go back to New York and he would join the Avengers? He looked at Steve and Natasha. They deserved to go home and get to have a real dating experience. Would they all still be living together in the States? Would Steve and Natasha want to live alone?

Steve looked at him. "One day, we're going home, Buck. I promise."

He could just nod at him.

"Probably sooner than later another alien invasion or something comes along and we're needed" Natasha said and got up from the couch.

"Steve, did you remember to bring me tea?" She asked, already halfway in the kitchen.

He shot up from the sofa and followed her. "Yeah, wait. I'll make you one!"

Bucky smirked. Boy, the punk was so whipped.

* * *

They spent the whole afternoon of Christmas Eve in the kitchen preparing the food.

Christmas carols were playing in the background and Natasha sang quietly along and danced around him and Steve. She grabbed Steve's hand at one point and tried to get him to dance with her but he just looked at his feet and mumbled that he didn't know how.

"I can teach you" She said softly.

Steve looked over to him and then back at Natasha. "Maybe another time"

"Oh, okay" She tried to hide her disappointment but he could hear it. And Steve did to because he winced.

Should _he_ offer Natasha a dance? No, that was probably inappropiate and he didn't want to upset Steve.

Natasha moved around them to put the geese in the oven and set the timer. She pulled a waffle iron out of the cupboard and turned around. "Who wants some waffles and hot chocolate with amaretto?"

Her waffles and hot beverage tasted delicious and after they were done, Natasha went upstairs to take a shower and ordered them to keep an eye on the geese.

"Why didn't you let her dance with you?" He asked Steve when he heard the water of the shower running.

Steve gave him a look like it was obvious why he didn't. Because they didn't want him to know they had a thing? Did they really think he was that blind? He was a sniper for fuck's sake.

"I didn't think you would like that" He simply said.

"What? I don't think I follow"

"You said shortly after Nat showed up that you were interested in her. Romantically." Steve looked uncomfortable.

 _Oh!_ He laughed and Steve seemed offended.

"Oh, punk. I only said that to make you jealous so you would make a move on her" He was still laughing.

"Oh"

"Yeah, oh. So next time she asks you to dance you say yes, got it?"

Steve nodded, his cheeks read.

He wasn't interested in Natasha, romantically. He really, really wasn't into her. He might felt something in his chest flutter everytime she smiled at him but that didn't mean anything. It really didn't.

Christmas dinner was incredible. It tasted amazing and all three of them ate way too much. Even he and Steve felt full. After dinner they went to the living room and watched Home Alone 1 and 2 and a part of him wondered if that kid was a sadist. They drank more of the hot chocolate with amaretto. He went to bed around midnight and left Steve and Natasha to have some alone time. They still didn't confirm that they were an item but he still wanted to give them some quality time.

* * *

As soon as they heard Bucky's bedroom door close, Natasha moved over to him and snuggled into his side.

He pressed his lips on the crown of her hair. "I'm sorry I didn't dance with you"

"It's okay" She murmured into his chest.

"It's not that I didn't want to." He confessed and she looked up from his chest.

"I thought I embarrassed you" She whispered, her hand moving over his heart and the gesture made him feel drunk with love and affection.

"No, you didn't" He stroked her back over her shirt. "I thought Bucky had feelings for you and I didn't want to hurt him"

She gave him a small laugh and punched him lightly in the stomach. "Oh Steve. I am pretty sure James tried to set you and me up since the night I showed up in your kitchen"

He grunted in surprise. "What?"

"Oh please, he wasn't very secretive about it. Stealing my place in the armchair so I would have to sit next to you? James is not as sneaky as he likes to think he is" She pressed her face against his chest again and he could feel the vibrations of her laughter going through his body.

"Oh. In my defence, I couldn't blame him if he did fall for you. You are real knock out" He hoped his voice had a flirtous tone.

She looked up at him through her lashes. "So since that's out of the way, will you dance with me?"

"Yeah. But I'll probably step on your feet the entire time. I was saying the truth when I said I didn't know how to dance" He told her when she pulled him up from the couch.

She told him to move the coffee table to the side and she went to her Ipod to put a song on that he didn't recognize. She walked over to him and put his hands on her waist and then looped her arms around his neck.

"We're taking it slow. We can tango another time. Just move with the music and me." She said and started to sway her hips.

It took him two songs but then he figured it out and they were dancing in the living room. Natasha rested her cheek on his chest, her eyes were closed and she had a small smile on her face. She looked breathtaking and he felt honoured that she showed him this side of her. He was sure he would remember this moment for the rest of his life.

She lifted her cheek of his chest and must have been standing on her tip toes because she was suddenly taller and pressed her lips to his.

"Thank you" He breathed out and he could feel her smile against his lips. He dropped his forehead to rest against hers and they moved slowly to the music.

She kissed him again. "Can I stay with you tonight?

Steve swallowed. Did that mean she wanted to have sex with him tonight? He was suddenly nervous, not sure if he was ready and he feared that his lack of experience would disappoint her in bed.

Natasha must have sense it because she gave him a light kiss . "I just want to sleep in your arms tonight. Is that okay?"

He hated how vulnerable her voice sounded. Like she thought she would get rejected by him. Didn't she know that he would give her anything she wanted?

"I'd love that" He whispered and Natasha beamed at him.

"You can use the bathroom first while I clean a bit up." He told her and she nodded.

She was already laying in his bed and only her head peaked out under the blankets. He had to smile at the scene before him.

"Hey, it's really cold without you" She complained.

"Alright, I'm coming" He closed the bedroom door and turned around with his back to her to change into his pyjama pants and an old t-shirt.

"Oh, I'm definitely enjoying the show" She teased him and he felt himself blush.

"Oh shut up!" He walked to the other side of the bed and slid under the blankets.

As soon as he was laying on his back, Natasha rolled onto her side, placed her head on his chest, wrapped an arm around his torso and threw a leg over his waist to pull herself closer to him.

He froze. He couldn't see what she was wearing when she was under the blankets but now he could. Or rather he could feel it. She was only wearing a loose t-shirt, he suspected it was one of his own, and that was it. She wasn't wearing pyjama pants or a bra because he could feel her breasts pressed against his body. But she was wearing underwear because he could feel the lacy fabric against his hip bone.

He swallowed and tried to calm his excitement. Natasha wanted to sleep and he wasn't sure if he was completely ready to have sex with her right now. Natasha seemed to be unaware of his struggle.

She buried her face in the crook of his neck. "Good night" She whispered.

"Good night" He answered, wrapping his arms around her and her even breaths soon lulled him to sleep.

* * *

In case that you were wondering what Steve said to Nat after she thanked him for the tree, it was "Anything for you, sweetheart" and it made her blush because no one called her that and meant it genuinely. At least as far as she remembers. _*wink wink*_

Let me know what you think:)

P.S: The first part of the next chapter will be smut. I'll change the rating but I will also put a disclaimer at the beginning of the next chapter. Just as a warning or to get you excited however you look at it;) The second part of the chapter will be normal plot and you won't miss anything important if you skip the smut part, don't worry.


	19. Chapter 19

The first part of this chapter is rated M. Viewer discretion is advised.

And also the smut part got longer than I expected. Ups. Anyway, story continues after the second horizontal line.

Take a shot everytime someone wishes someone else a Merry Christmas. Or actually don't, you might die.

* * *

XIX.

Steve woke up in the middle of the night with Natasha's back pressed against his chest and he had his face buried in her hair. Her hair smelled lovely, it had a light lavender scent. He took a deep breath to take more of her scent in.

He noticed that his right arm must have moved during the night under her/his shirt because his hand was planted on her bare stomach and his thumb grazed the underside of one of her breasts. Sure that he was seriously overstepping boundaries, he tried to remove his arm but over the shirt Natasha's small hand grabbed his own and he couldn't move it without waking her. She sighed in her sleep and snuggled herself closer to him and unconsciously pressed her bottom against his morning wood.

He groaned so loud that it woke Natasha up.

"Do we already have to get up?" She asked sleepily.

"Um" He didn't know what to say. There was no way that she wouldn't notice his hand under her shirt or that he was hard against her ass.

"Oh" She breathed and grabbed his hand to stay in place when he tried to remove it again. "No, it feels nice"

She guided his hand between the space of her breasts. "You can touch me, if you want to. I want you to"

He gently cupped one breast, careful to not use too much strength, and she gave him a quiet moan. "Yeah, like that."

She rolled onto her back but not before she pressed her ass against his cock again and he had to groan again because it was so much more intense with fewer clothes on than it was with them both wearing jeans.

She smiled at him and then pulled his hand off her breast and out of her shirt. He couldn't help but be disappointed. Was that it? Didn't she want him to touch her more? He would of course respect that but he was dying to get his hand on her soft and firm breasts again.

She sat up, crossed her hands at the hem of the shirt and then he realized what she wanted to do. He swallowed audibly and Natasha smirked at him, pulled her shirt off her and laid down again. She was only in dark green lacy panties and looking at him with hunger in her eyes.

He knew it was rude but he couldn't stop staring, she took his breath away.

"Are you gonna touch me anytime soon, Rogers?" Natasha asked and arched her back to give him a nice look at her cleavage. Her breasts were perfect. Not that he seen any in real before but he was one hundred percent sure that Natasha's tits were the most beautiful pair ever created.

"Steve" Natasha whined and he realized that he was still staring but felt proud that she was desperate for him to touch her.

"You're so beautiful" He whispered and leaned down to explore her mouth with his tongue. Her hand reached for his and she guided it to her breasts again.

He kneaded one breast and then rolled the nipple between his fingers. He couldn't believe he could finally touch her the way he wanted to for ages. Natasha groaned his name and he couldn't help but thrust his erection against her hip.

She moaned again. "Put your mouth on my tits. Please"

He nodded and if he wasn't already hard, just the thought of it would get him going. He ducked his head to her cleavage, moved his hand to her other breast, while the other arm supported his weight and then he kissed his way around her breast. Over and under it and Natasha pressed her tit right into his face.

"Oh that feels good. Don't stop"

He circled her nipple with his tongue, blew air on it and then closed his mouth and sucked. He looked up at Nat and she bit her lip and he'd never seen something so erotic. He gave her other breast the same treatment with his mouth and kissed his way up to her lips.

She gave him a wet and open-mouthed kiss and they both moaned into it.

"Steve, will you touch me there?" Her voice was deep and hoarse.

"Where, doll?" He sucked on her upper lip.

"Here" She said and her hand travelled over her breast, to her stomach and then she slid her hand into her panties. "Is that okay or too far?"

He rested his hand on her stomach. "No, it's more than okay. I want to bring you pleasure"

"God, I'm so wet for you. Do you want to feel it?" She asked him, biting her lip.

He could only nod and she took his hand and dragged it from her stomach slowly between her legs. He could feel how soaked her panties were and he groaned. He couldn't believe that he was the reason for it.

He started to run his hands over the wet fabric and Natasha bucked her hips up. She slipped her hands under the waistband of her underwear. "Can I take them off?"

"Please" He grunted and Natasha slid them off.

She pulled his face to hers and kissed him until they both were breathless. "Don't be nervous. I'll guide you"

He nodded and she took his hand between her legs. She stroked his hand over her outer lips and his fingers started to get covered in her juices.

She spread her legs wider. "Here, you can touch and discover"

He drew his knuckles over her folds and she moaned heavenly. He found the nub that Bucky promised him decades ago would drive women insane and started to rub his thumb over it and Natasha arched her back. "Fuck, keep going"

He changed the pressure, sometimes pressing only lightly on her clit and then pressing down harder making Natasha moan and he sure hoped that Bucky was fast asleep.

He kept stroking her clit with his thumb while his fingers brushed over her folds and he dragged his fingertip over her entrance.

"Yes,please" She breathed, her hair spilled over the pillow and rolled her nipples between her fingers. She looked like a goddess. He moved his head to suck on her neck.

He slid one finger into her and her thighs clenched around his arm. He looked up, fearing he hurt her but Natasha just shook her head.

"More" She moaned.

He added a second finger and he could feel her walls tighten around him. She was warm, soft, wet and tight and it felt like heaven. He couldn't even imagine what it would be like when it was more than just his fingers inside of her.

He thrust his fingers in and out of her, her hips moving to meet his thrusts and when he was sure it wouldn't hurt her, he added a third one.

"I'm so close" She whispered. "Touch my clit and move your fingers faster, please"

He did as he was told rubbing her clit and thrusting his fingers harder, he could feel her walls tighten even stronger around his fingers and she was getting wetter and then she threw her head back, grabbed the sheets between her small hands and loud moans were leaving her swollen lips. He kept his fingers moving through her orgasm and only pulled them out off her when she came down from her high. Watching Natasha come with his fingers inside of her must have been the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

She gave him a smile and put his fingers into her mouth and sucked them dry. His cock twitched against her hip and she gave him a sultry look.

"That was really good. You sure you never done this before?"

"I'm sure"

"Then you're a natural. Gold star for you" She shoved him onto his back and kissed him slowly. "Can I return the favour?"

"Only if you want to" He wanted her to but he didn't want her to think that she had to. If she wanted to go back to sleep that was okay as well.

"Oh, I want to!" She whispered into his ear and he shivered.

She helped him out of his shirt and sucked on his neck and then moved her head down to his chest to lick over his nipples and bit them lightly to kiss them gently afterwards.

Her head moved up and she kissed him while she started to palm him through his pyjama pants. _Fuck that felt good._ She hooked her fingers under his waistband and he lifted his hips and she slid his pants along with his briefs off. His erection sprung free and the air hitting his cock made his breath hitch.

She laid back on her side, popped her head on one hand and her other hand travelled over his stomach until her fingertips brushed over his cock. It felt so fucking good. His mind went blank.

"Wow, they didn't mentioned this at the Smithsonian. That is one majestatic cock" She whispered into his ear and then sucked on his earlope.

He was too aroused to feel embarrassed. The serum enhanced _everything_ but people didn't need to know that. As far as he was concerned Natasha would be the only one to ever see and touch his cock.

She wrapped her hand around his shaft and slowly moved her fist up and down. It felt incredible. He never wanted it to stop. Soon he started to thrust his cock up into her fist while she whispered encouragements into his ear. She kissed him on the cheek and then sat up on her knees and wrapped both hands around him.

"Faster,please" He groaned. He needed to come. Natasha followed his plea and moved her hands down faster and started to squeeze his cock. He was so close.

" Oh God,Nat!"

"I know. Come for me, Steve"

She brushed her thumb over his slit while stroking him and that gave him the rest. He shut his eyes and came in a deep groan.

She went back to lay on her side next to him and kissed his temple. "You look beautiful when you come"

He had to laugh. "Not as beautiful as you look when you come, I'm sure. I mean that was the most erotic thing I'll ever see"

"Smooth, but you already got into my pants today" She smirked and grabbed tissues from his nightstand to clean him up.

She balled the used tissues up and threw them into the trash can. He pulled her into his arm and she rested her head on his chest and brushed her fingertips over the spot were his heart was.

"Thank you" He kissed the top of her head.

"I think you're the first guy to thank someone for a handjob" She huffed into his naked chest.

He moved his hand to her ass and gave it a squeeze. "I'm just being polite"

"Let's try to get some sleep until we have to get up" She yawned.

"Yes, doll" He could feel her smile against his skin.

"Merry Christmas, Steve" She whispered.

"Merry Christmas, Nat"

* * *

Bucky slept like a baby. His sleep was dreamless and the sun was already up when he got downstairs. The smell of cinnamon greeted him when he entered the kitchen.

The table was decorated with candles and fir branches with little christmas balls in it.

Natasha came over to him when she spotted him at the door frame and kissed him on the cheek. "Merry Christmas, James"

This time he was the one who blushed and not Steve and he gave her a hug. "Merry Christmas, Natasha"

Steve wished him a Merry Christmas as well and hugged him. They went to sit down and Steve raised his champagne glass. "This has to be the best Christmas I ever had. I know things aren't ideal at the moment but I'm certain that we'll get to go home one day. Bucky, I can't tell you how happy I am that we are reunited again. I thought I'd lost you forever and now I get to have my brother back by my side." Steve looked at him and he gave him a smile. Then he looked at Natasha. He didn't say anything but it was enough for her because she just nodded and raised her glass at him. Then she crooked one eyebrow, her eyes sparkling with something Bucky couldn't decipher. Steve's face turned red and he took a sip from his champagne.

Steve and Natasha made cinnamon pecan pancake bread pudding and it was amazing. Christmas songs were playing in the background and they enjoyed their Christmas breakfast. They agreed to not buy presents, so they played games in the living room and Natasha kept glancing between the Christmas tree and Steve and smiled to herself. He suspected that the tree was already the best present Steve could have gotten for Natasha.

They skyped with Sam around noon who was still in Wakanda and a little sad that he couldn't spend the holidays with his family in DC. Steve looked incredibly guilty but Sam waved him off and told them that he got T'challa a black kitten named T'challa jr. as a Christmas gift and laughed hysterically at his own joke. Bucky didn't get why it was so funny and Steve just rolled his eyes.

In the late afternoon they skyped Barton's family since it was now morning in Canada.

"Merry Christmas" Barton yelled, wearing an ugly christmas sweater and reindeer antlers on his head.

"Don't you look adorable" Natasha teased him.

"Tell me something I don't know, Tasha. At first I was mad at Laura for making me wear this but actually, I think I can pull this look off" He posed like a model to underline his statement.

"Is that Auntie Nat?" A girl's voice asked and then Barton was pushed away by a tiny hand and a girl's face appeared on the laptop screen.

"Hey sweetie" Natasha greeted the girl softly. "Step a bit away from the web cam, we can only see your eyes and nose"

"Oh" The girl took a step back and Bucky could see that she was wearing the same look as her father but if you asked him, she pulled the look better of than her dad.

"Merry Christmas Auntie Nat. And Merry Christmas Steve and Ducky" She beamed at them.

"His name is Bucky" Barton laughed somewhere in the background.

"Oh, sorry" The girl blushed. "Merry Christmas Bucky.

"Merry Christmas, Lila" Steve and Natasha said in unison.

"Yeah, Merry Christmas, Lila" Bucky repeated and was touched that an innocent child wished him that. He felt undeserving of it.

A pretty woman and a young teen appeared on the screen and wished them happy holidays as well. Natasha talked with them about school, homework and the dance classes Lila was taking and Barton's wife kept looking between Steve and Natasha. Bucky had to suppress his smirk, he almost wanted to tell Mrs. Barton that they were most likely together.

And then it was Maximoff's turn to talk to them. He almost forgot that she was staying with the Bartons. Steve told him how they contained her at the Raft and he got angry, she was a good kid and didn't deserve such treatment.

She had a toddler on her lap and bounced him while she was talking to them.

"Merry Christmas" She gave them a small smile.

"I hope you had a wonderful Hanukkah" Natasha said. Maximoff was Jewish and Hydra experimented on her? That was fucked up.

"Yes" She nodded. "Laura got a menorah and I told them about our traditions"

"That's nice, kid" Steve said, giving her a smile.

The toddler grabbed a strain of Wanda's hair and tugged on it. It must have been quiet strong because he could see her wince.

"Nate, don't hurt your Aunt Wanda" Mrs. Barton said and carried the child away.

Wanda told Steve and Natasha that Laura taught her French and she started a herbal garden in their greenhouse. Bucky didn't know what to say so he remained silent. Natasha told her that mulitple parties were working on fixing the Accords. Wanda didn't seem convinced.

"The minute they need you to save them, they stop being afraid of you" Steve assured her.

The whole Barton family joined Wanda to say their good byes.

Natasha ended the call and wiped a tear from her eye. "I miss them" She said to Steve.

"I know. I'll find a way to get them back to you" He promised her and squeezed her hand.

Natasha typed on her laptop and then looked up. "We got mail from Tony"

What could he want from them? Steve told him that Stark was working on moving on but how could he move on from his parents being brutally murdered by his father's friend and on top of that he had to watch the whole thing in Siberia while the killer was standing next to him?

"Hey Red" Natasha read out loud, the distaste at that nickname strong in her voice. "Merry Christmas. We're spending the holiday in Hawaii and you should see Vision in his swim shorts. Do you think he could get sunburn? Rhodey is doing much better now. He is able to walk a few meters without any help and the doctors are postive that he'll be able to walk like he used to in a few months. Pop open the champagne because Pepper and I are engaged. We are going to announce it next year. Pepper says hi by the way. Anyway the main reason for this mail is that I found something on Ross. I can't tell exactly what it is at this moment but all signs point to Ross not being an innocent lamb. I'll keep my eyes open and contact you if I need your involvement. You have ten seconds until this mail explodes your computer. Just kidding but it will delete itself five minutes after you opened it. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, Natasha. Xoxo, Tony"

"Xoxo?" Bucky asked. What the fuck did that mean.

"Nothing important" Natasha replied, shutting the laptop and leaning back against the sofa.

"What do think Tony will find on Ross?" Steve asked her.

She shrugged. "Maybe someone filmed how hookers peed on him or something"

"Natasha!" Steve exclaimed and Bucky snorted.

"I don't doubt that Ross has ulterior motives. He always wants more. I wouldn't be surprised if he used unusual, illegal ways to get his way" Natasha answered him.

Would there be a way to revoke the Accords and for him to get a pardon, so he could go back to America with Steve and Natasha? Maybe he could work for SHIELD and use his skills to help and protect people. To make ammends.

* * *

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	20. Chapter 20

The last part of this chapter is rated M. Steve starts the new year with a bang, if ya know what I mean.

* * *

XX.

Bucky decided for himself that he wouldn't be celebrating New Year's Eve with Steve and Natasha.

He was too scared that the fireworks would trigger his PTSD and he'd hurt his friends. Steve seemed sad but understood where he was coming from. He told him that the first Fourth of July and New Years parties gave him war flashbacks. Natasha got him sleeping pills strong enought to knock him out and noise-cancelling headphones for which he was grateful. There was no way he would be able to sleep through the noise without that. The town they lived close by was apparently known for their fireworks and people from every corner of their aread came to watch them. Something that Bucky and Steve didn't know when they chose this place to stay. But lots of people also meant for Steve and Natasha that they couldn't go into town to watch the fireworks. The risk that someone would recognize them were too high. Steve seemed disappointed and Bucky suspected that he wanted to take Natasha on a date when they were in town. They still didn't tell him they were together or showed any PDA in front of him.

Bucky would be having dinner with them and then he would throw the pills in and go to bed. This way the love birds would have some time for themselves and he would get some sleep. Win win.

Stark didn't send Natasha any news about Ross but she searched her webs for any information. Both her and Steve seemed hopeful that they could go back one day. He overheard Steve telling Natasha in the kitchen that he would take her to the ballet when they were back in New York. He didn't hear what Natasha said but when Steve came to the living room his lips were swollen and he was blushing. Bucky pretended to read to save Steve some embarrassing.

People around the world were going on the streets to show their support for Captain America and the Avengers. The mayor of New York demanded the pardon of the Avengers and their safe return to the city after Stark announced that the World Council almost nuked Manhattan off the map.

He was standing at the door frame watching the coverage and Steve and Natasha were sitting on the couch.

She put her hand on Steve's knee and whispered to him. "See, they still believe in you, _honey"_

She said it so quietly that Bucky almost didn't hear it over the TV and he knew she didn't mean for him to hear her words. They were only meant for Steve.

He didn't know why but it hurt him to hear Natasha call Steve _honey_. It was almost like she used to call him terms of endearments but why would teen Natalia call a grown man that when he trained her. It didn't make sense. Maybe it hurt because he was sure no one called him honey or sweetie in decades.

* * *

The days after Christmas until New Year's Eve passed in a blink. Natasha tried to find dirt on Ross and he contacted Sam again to inform T'challa. Maybe the king of Wakanda could get intel they weren't able to. T'challa signed the Accords but Steve was sure he wouldn't be okay with Ross being dirty.

Things between him and Natasha were amazing. Every night since Christmas when she was sure that Bucky was asleep she would come to his bed. They would kiss, lay on their sides and explored each others bodies with their hands. Afterwards she would bury her face in his chest and he would wrap his arms around her and they would sleep. When he woke up, Nat was already back on the couch. She didn't want Bucky to see her coming out of his bedroom. When he asked him why she didn't want Bucky to know, she whispered into his chest that if no one knew about them, no one could take him away from her. He wanted to tell her then that he loved her, that no force on earth would be able to make him leave her but he knew she wasn't ready to hear these words. He could wait to tell her.

So he just tugged her closer to him. "I'm not going anywhere"

She nodded and fell asleep in his arms.

The day of New Year's he and Bucky ran through the forest, climbed on mountains and jumped over gorges. They raced each other and laughed. If Bucky was going to sleep through the turn of the year, he wanted to spend the day with him.

Natasha practially pushed them out the door and told them she would have a spa day and slammed the door in their faces. A shiver ran down his spine when he thought that she was maybe getting ready for something special. Bucky would be out the whole night, he couldn't walk in on them, they didn't have to be quiet...

He was so lost in his thoughts of Natasha and the things they would might do tonight that he missed his step and almost fell down a hill.

"What got you so distracted, punk?" Bucky asked him and Steve could feel his cheeks get warm. Bucky just smirked at him and ran down the hill.

They came back early in the evening.

Natasha was stitting on the armchair, her hair was curled, her lips red and she wore a grey wool sweater and tight black jeans. She looked like a dream.

"Looking good, Romanoff" Bucky said and jogged the stairs up to hit the shower first.

"Wow, Natasha" He breathed and she got up from her place to walk over to him. Her green eyes sparkled at him and he felt weak in the knees.

He bent his head down to kiss her but Natasha stepped back and laughed. "You're all sweaty, Rogers"

He would love to say he didn't pout but that was probably a lie. "It's manly" He insisted and tried to steal a kiss.

"Nope, it's gross. The only sweat on you I find manly is the one I caused" She said and hit his ass on her way out.

He took a cold shower and joined Natasha and Bucky at the kitchen table. They had a three course meal and champagne. Bucky hugged Natasha wishing her a good start in the new year, clapped him on the shoulder and threw his sleeping pills in his mouth.

"See you next year, kids" He grinned and went to his room.

It was two hours until midnight. Natasha started to do the dishes and he stepped behind her circling her waist with his arms and kissed her cheek and then sucked on her earlope. Natasha's breath hitched and he smirked into her hair. It was nice that he had this effect on her.

"Help me do the dishes" She said and elbowed him in the rips. He huffed and took a towel to dry the dishes off. When they were done, Natasha grabbed his hand and dragged him to the living room. She turned the ceiling lamp off and only the Christmas lights lit up the room.

She put her Ipod on and held her hand out to him. "Dance with me, Rogers"

"Yes Ma'am" He pulled her close against his body and she laughed.

She showed him how to twirl and dip her and a beautiful smile lit her face up the whole time. She probably didn't have lots of chances to dance before and it was obvious that she loved dancing. He imagined them dancing on hardwood floors in their own appartement in Brooklyn. He promised himself that he would never turn down a chance to dance with her.

The alarm on her phone interrupted his thoughts.

"It's almost midnight, Steve" She said kissing him and turned off the music. "Let's go outside to see the fireworks"

She walked to the wardrobe to get her winter jacket and he got two glasses and the champagne bottle from the kitchen. They put their coats and boots on and walked outside.

It was freezing outside and the cold made Natasha's cheeks flush and she looked gorgeous. If she let him, he would draw her all day.

He filled the glasses and handed one to Nat. She looked on her phone and then put it in a pocket of her jacket.

"Five, four, three,two," She counted. " One. Happy New Year, Steve" The fireworks lit up the sky over the forest.

"Happy New Year, Nat" He clinked his glass with hers and bend his head to kiss her.

* * *

They were still standing outside on the porch and looked at the fireworks from the local town. Steve had his chin rested on Natasha's head and his arms wrapped around her shoulders.

"Happy New Year" He whispered again into her ear.

"Where is my kiss?" She turned around with mischief in her eyes.

He grinned and tilted her chin with two fingers up and pressed his lips against her. He meant to give her a short kiss but Natasha grabbed the collar of his coat and pressed him against the door. Her kiss was messy and dirty and it went straight to his groin. His hands moved down to her ass and he pulled her against his growing erection. God, she drove him crazy. He wondered if this was normal for a man or if it was just the effect she had on him. He wanted to be close to her 24/7 and he wanted to make love to her. He didn't want to wait any longer.

He turned them around with Natasha's back pressed against the door and he grabbed her waist to lift her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He had one hand under her ass to keep her up and with the other hand he pulled her turtleneck down to lick over her neck and to suck on the part where her neck met her shoulder. She moaned into his ear and it made him thrust his hips against her jeans covered sex. They grinded at each, desperate to find their release and Steve came with his head buried between her neck and shoulder. He kept moving his hips until Natasha followed him shortly after.

They both laughed softly while Steve let Natasha down after he was sure she could stand on her legs. Her pupils were wide, cheeks flushed and she looked at him with wanton in her eyes. He was sure he looked the same.

"Are we done for tonight?" She whispered and he shook his head.

"What do you want, Steve?"

Normally he would have felt embarrassed, he hated it that everything was oversexualized in this world and it made him uncomfortable when people talked about sex around him but with Natasha, he didn't feel embarrassed. He had no problem to say what he wanted. He hoped she wanted the same.

"I want to make love to you. I want to be inside you. I want to feel you come apart around me" He rasped and she bit her lip and rubbed her thighs together.

She pulled him down for a long kiss. "I want that too"

She turned around, opened the door and led him by his hand up the stairs. He went to check on Bucky who was still out on his meds, lightly snoring. Steve chuckled.

When he came into his room, Natasha had already peeled her winter parka and boots off. She crooked her finger at him and he walked over to her. She unbuttoned his coat and shrugged it off his shoulders while he stepped out of his shoes.

Her hands went under his sweater and she brushed her fingertips lightly over his abs. She smirked at him and tugged at the end of his sweater and he helped her get it off of him. Her lips and hands travelled over his torso and she kissed him softly over the place were his heart was and he almost cried. But then her hand slipped into the front of his jeans and his breath caught in his throat. In the last days Natasha pleasured him with her hand more than once but it still felt so good.

"You're already hard again" She purred. "It's doing wonders for my ego. And to my cunt"

Her fingers went to his belt but he stopped her. She looked up at him. God, she was so much smaller than him. "You're wearing too much, Nat"

She gave him her signature smirk that he loved so much and lifted her arms so that he could pull her sweater off her. The sight before him made him crazy with want. She was wearing a red lace bra and he could see her stiff nipples peaking through.

"Fuck" He groaned and duck his head to suck on her neck and palmed her lace covered breasts with his hands.

"Wearing red underwear on New Year's Eve brings you good luck for the next year" She breathed and rubbed her hand over his erection. "Or gets you lucky."

His hands moved to her jeans and he popped the button open and she took a step back and got out off her jeans . She was also wearing red lacy thong and the fabric covering her cunt was darkened with her wetness.

She unbuckled his jeans and shoved them down to his feet. She looked up at him through her lashes before she gave him a sly smile and pressed a kiss over his underwear-covered cock. His hips jerked forward and she held them still with her hands.

"Fuck, doll. You drive me crazy" He growled when she slid his briefs down.

"Believe me, the feeling's mutual" She said and her breath felt amazing against his dick. She licked his shaft and then trailed soft kisses over it while she fondled his balls. Her tongue danced around his tip and she gave it a light kiss. God, her mouth on him felt fucking incredible. But he wanted to come with her. He wanted to come inside her.

"Come here" He rasped and she kissed her way up over his body to his lips. He could taste himself and he groaned into her mouth. He unclapsed her bra and slid his hands under it to massage her breasts until he pulled the bra off. He laid her gently on the bed and moved on top of her.

He kissed her eyebrows, her nose, her cheeks and her lips. "You are so beautiful"

She took his hand and moved it over her body and slid both their hands into her thong. It was so much for him and he ripped the thong apart.

Natasha laughed and he gave her a sheepish smile. Together they explored her wet folds. She was so wet that he could easily slide two fingers into her and her moan made him bite down on her neck.

"Fuck, yes" She panted.

He slowly moved his fingers in and out of her while she stroke her clit. She looked so beautiful, he wanted to paint her.

"Steve..." She breathed when he curled his fingers at that special spot inside of her that she showed him. "I need you inside me"

He swallowed so loud that she must have heard him because her eyes shot open. They were glassy with lust and he had to bite his lip.

"We don't have to have sex" She quickly said. Pulling herself on her elbows with his fingers still in her.

He kept his fingers moving and she gasped. "No, I want to have sex with you. I just can't believe it's finally happening!"

She gave him a sweet smile and tugged on his wrist and he pulled his fingers out off her. She winced at the lost of contact and he couldn't help but smirk. She wanted him as much as he wanted her. That feeling was thrilling.

She slid her the rest of her thong off and threw it somewhere into the room. She moved to lay on her back again, spread her legs for him and started to touch herself. Her hands left her sex when she saw him staring at her and she grabbed him and pulled him over her.

She kissed him and pushed his shoulders down until he was completely covering her body and settled between her legs.

"Are you sure?" She asked him softly and he nodded. He was too far gone to feel unsecure and he knew he wanted her. He wanted his first time and everytime after that to be with her.

"Okay" She wrapped her hand around his shaft and slowly slid it over her wet folds. They both moaned at the contact. He framed her head with his arms and leaned down to kiss her.

She broke the kiss. "Slowly push in. Until you're all the way in. Okay, honey?" She positioned his tip at her entrance and nodded at him.

He entered her, slowly and gently, remembering that Nat told him that he was more than average and she had to get used to his size. She moaned and bit her lip and moved her hands to his ass to help him push in.

"Holy shit" He moaned and Natasha nodded.

 _Wow._ There were no words. Nothing felt so good as being inside Natasha. They looked at each other while he slid into her and she closed her eyes when he was fully seated into her. Her mouth was open and she crossed her legs around his waist.

He took a few moments to enjoy this new feeling. "Can I move?" He whispered against her lips.

"Please" She breathed and tightend the hold of her legs around him.

He slowly moved his hips observing Natasha to see if it brought her pleasure. She kissed him slowly and started to meet his thrusts.

It took a few moments but they found a rhythm. He almost pulled out of her and then pushed all the way back in and Natasha whimpered into his ear.

"God, Steve. Yes, just like that."

He got faster and Natasha swung one leg over his shoulder. He slipped in even deeper and they both groaned.

"Harder" She moaned and he used more of his strength. God, she was so tight and warm around him. He was in heaven.

"I'm close, Steve. Touch me. Make me come"

He growled and slid his hand between their bodies and started to rub on her clit.

Her moans grew louder and she put her hands at the headboard to meet his thrusts more forcefully.

Her walls started to clench him and she came with his name on her lips. He kept thrusting through her orgasm and her dopey, satisfied smile gave him the rest and he growled her name into her neck and spilled into her.

They were both panting and Natasha was gently stroking his back. She kissed his temple. "Wow, for a virgin that was fucking incredible"

He pulled out of her and roll onto his back "Not a virgin anymore, thank you very much"

She chuckled and kissed his shoulder. "True. Thank you for giving me this gift" She said softly.

"There is no one else I would have given it too" He said and turned on his side to kiss her.

They lazily explored each other's mouths until Steve broke the kiss. "So, can you be on top now?

She arched an eyebrow and looked at his cock which was already hard again. She licked her lips. "I hope you don't plan on getting any sleep tonight"

He chuckled and she straddled his hips and sank down on him. They both moaned and she started to move her hips.

* * *

I completely forgot to mention that Brutasha didn't happen in my world. And if I ever get to meet Joss Whedon I will kick him in the nuts and scream "This is for Natasha Romanoff"

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	21. Chapter 21

XXI.

Bucky woke up around 10 am. The last time he slept that long must have been before he enlisted. His mind was still foggy from the sleeping pills and he entangled himself from the blankets. He stretched his muscles and got out of bed. He slept through the whole fireworks, he didn't think he would have noticed if a bomb went off in the house. He got out of his room and listened for Steve and Natasha hoping they would have already made breakfast because he was starving.

Everything was silent downstairs. Maybe they were still asleep, who knew when they finally went to sleep last night. He was about to go downstairs to start breakfast and hoped he would be quiet enough to not wake up Natasha who he assumed was still asleep on the couch.

He heard a groan and a whimper from Steve's room. Was he hurt? Did something happend to them? He was so out, he could have missed an attack.

He opened the door to Steve's bedroom, careful to not make any noise in case he needed to attack an intruder.

He got the door silently open and froze on the spot, not able to look away at the scene before him. In hindsight he should have been able to put two and two together.

Steve was sitting against his headboard, his arms wrapped around Natasha's back who was on his lap, moving up and down. Steve's face was under her chin and her arms were around his head. Oh and they were both naked and softly moaning. Maybe it was the aftermath of the ton of sleeping pills he took last night, but it took his brain a few moments to process everything. Holy shit, they were having sex. Steve pushed his hips up and Natasha cried his name out and he moved his head to kiss her neck and opened his eyes. Steve stared at him, Natasha must have sensed something because she turned around and stared at him as well.

Steve pushed Natasha off of him who shrieked in discomfort and pulled the blankets over her. At the same time Bucky stammered an Oh god I'm sorry and turned on his heels and slammed the door behind him. He could hear Natasha laughing.

Oh god, oh god, oh god. He should leave the country. Was he really just standing there watching them have sex like a fucking perv? He didn't see any _delicate_ parts of Natasha but he wouldn't hold it against Steve if he would storm out of his room to punch him. Or Natasha did the punching herself. It wasn't like she needed a man to fight her battles.

He ran to the living room and started pacing around. Did they have sex every night while he was asleep? That's none of your business, he reminded himself. Did he really now live in a world where Steve was getting laid and he wasn't? He hoped the floor would open and swallow him.

The floor did not open and swallow him but Steve apparead at the door frame. Fuck. He didn't looked angry though. Just embarrassed. He had pyjama pants and a shirt on and tried to comb his sex hair into place. Holy shit, the little Steve from Brooklyn was having sex.

"I am so sorry" Bucky blurted out. "I'll leave after I packed some things"

Steve seemed startled. "Leave?"

"I just saw you two, well you know" He stumbled. Gee, when did _he_ turn into a blushing virgin. "I can understand if you want me gone"

"You're not going anywhere" Natasha was suddenly next to Steve wearing one of Steve's shirt and her hair tousled from their activities. She looked breathtaking and he could have sworn in that moment this wasn't the first time he saw her like this. Woah, where did that come from? Did he and Natasha, _Natalia,_ have sex back then?

"I guess the cat's out of the bag" Natasha said, interrupting his thoughts. She interwined her fingers with Steve's. "Steve and I are together. I'll be sleeping in his room from now on."

Steve beamed at her announcement. She told them that she would take a shower, so they could have a boy talk and asked Steve to carry her luggage into his room. Then she kissed Steve in front of him.

For some reason it hurt him to watch them kiss. Were they together in the Red Room? Was he in love with Natalia? Did he still have feelings for her? What the fuck was going on with him.

"Oh and James" She yelled when she was already on the stairs. "Don't forget to knock before you go into our room"

"Um, well" Steve scratched the back of his neck. "Sorry we didn't tell you sooner. You couldn't have known that Nat and I were having, um, sex. " He blushed furiously and despite the thoughts running wild in his head, he had to smile at Steve.

"It's okay. I'm sorry I walked in on you. I promise, I won't walk into your room again without knocking"

"We thought you were still asleep, otherwise we would have locked the door or something" Steve managed to get as red as a tomato.

"How long have you and Nata-"

"Since last night" Steve blurted out, getting even redder.

"You've got together last night?" Was he wrong that they were going on secret dates in the last two weeks? They weren't even together for 12 hours and Steve was already sleeping with her? He always figured Steve would need time to take a girl to bed.

"Oh no, I thought you meant since we're hav-." He trailed off. "I shouldn't have told you that. We're together since we got back from Kazhastan."

So he was right. They did sneak around his back.

"I'm happy for you two" Bucky said and Steve smiled. But a nagging voice in his head told him he wasn't completely honest.

"She's the one" Steve whispered and then started to carry Natasha's bags into his, no their room. He was smiling like a lovedrunk idiot the whole time.

He could hear the bathroom door open when Steve was upstairs and then he heard Natasha's laughter and the bedroom door was shut.

 _He could suddenly see Natalia in front of his eyes, she was older now, maybe 18 or 19, laying in her underwear on what seemed to be a hotel bed. She laughed the same laughter he just heard. Weapons were tossed around the room and he joined her on the bed and slid her panties of her legs. He entered her slowly and Natalia's back arched._

 _She brushed his long hair out his face. "I think I love you"_

 _He thrust into her and kissed her nose. "I think I love you, Natalia"_

Fuck.

* * *

Bucky now hated spending time with Natasha and Steve. It was cruel irony that he tried to set them up and when they did get together, he remembered that he and Natalia used to be lovers.

Steve and Natasha didn't show too much PDA around him but there were the brief kisses, the hand holding and the way Natasha molded herself into Steve's arms when they were on the couch watching TV. Steve only went running with him in the evenings now, he prefered to spend the mornings with Natasha in their room.

He couldn't even tell if he had feelings for Natasha. He was sure he was in love with Natalia back then but Natasha told him Natalia died years ago. So did that mean he now loved Natasha? Did he even still have feelings for Natalia? Was he Bucky when he was with her or was it the Winter Soldier who was in love with Natalia?

Did Natasha remember their time together?

His head hurt.

He didn't imagine a relationship with Natasha that he knew but he also knew that it hurt him everytime he saw her looking at Steve with affection in her eyes. The way she smiled when Steve pulled her chair out for her, when he put her feet into his lap to massage them. The way her cheeks turned slightly pink when Steve handed her pancakes and she saw the heart made out of whipped cream on top of it.

She reacted like no one ever loved her before and he wanted to scream at her that someone did love her. He loved her when no one else would! Steve even implied to him that it was the first relationship for both of them. Steve was beyond happy all the time. He was born to be the perfect boyfriend and showered Natasha with his devotion and affection.

And Natasha? Did everything to make Steve happy. Everytime she did something nice for Steve ,she seemed nervous and uncertain until Steve told her he loved it and then she beamed at him. She baked him an apple pie when he mentioned he hadn't had one in ages, let him draw her even though she was uncomfortable with the attention in the beginning . And she tracked down the only photo ever made of Steve and his ma. How Natasha found it was a mystery to Bucky. He got to witness how Steve opened the package, got tears in his eyes and pushed the picture without any words into Bucky's hand. Natasha looked like she wasn't sure if she did a good thing. Bucky looked at the picture and his breath got caught in his throat when he recognized Steve as a kid with Sarah Rogers. Steve lifted Natasha up and kissed her face over and over again, set her down and gave her a kiss that looked straight out of a movie. Bucky put the photo down and left the room to give them privacy. But he could still hear them on his way upstairs.

"Do you like it?" Natasha asked unsure. It broke Bucky's heart that she was so uncertain when it came to romance. Did their relationship fuck her up so bad? She might not remembered it but it surely branded her.

"Do I like it?" Steve repeated. "This is the best gift ever. I can finally show you how my ma looked"

"Okay, good" She breathed out.

He heard kissing noises. "Natasha" Steve paused. " I love you"

Bucky knew that he should go into his room and should stop listening but he needed to know her answer.

There was silence for a few moments. But then barely a whisper, he heard her. "I love you"

His heart sank and he closed his bedroom door. He had no right to feel upset. They didn't know that he was her, well what was he? Her ex-boyfriend? Her ex-lover?

Steve asked him later to give them the living room for the evening. He wanted to thank Natasha for the photo with a romantic evening. Since he couldn't take her to a ballet at the moment, he wanted to watch Swan Lake with her in the living room. He told him not to say anything to Natasha while he got into town to buy flowers and chocolate for her.

Bucky only announced to Natasha that he would go to bed.

"At 7:48? Your age finally showing, James?" She teased.

"Yeah, yeah." He simply said, wished her a good night and went to his room. Natasha looked confused but didn't say anything.

Half an hour later he heard the car in the driveway and he put his noise-cancelling headphones over his ears.

Around one a.m he woke up and got up to use the bathroom. On his way he could see that the light was still on. Steve and Natasha were still downstairs. And then he heard Natasha's throaty moans. Whatever Steve did to her drove her to ecstasy. She moaned and panted Steve's name over and over again and told him not to stop.

He was already in the bathroom and about to shut the door when he heard Natasha call Steve _**моя любовь.**_

He closed the door quietly and leaned against it while the memory hit him.

 _They were in an old empty factory. Natalia looked through binoculars and checked the area for their target. Her pants were down to her ankles and he fucked into her from behind. He kissed the nape of her neck, his fingers curled around her waist, digging hard into her flesh._

 _She tried to turn her head to kiss him but he pulled her face with his metal hand back to the window. "Eyes on the target, Natalia. He has no idea you're watching him. He has no idea you're watching him while I'm fucking you"_

 _He thrust hard into her and she whimpered. He took her leg and planted her feet on the low windowsill on the ground to change the angle of his thurst. His human hand palmed her breast roughly while his metal one started to rub on her clit._

 _"You're so good to me,_ _ **моя любовь** " She moaned._

He could remember the mission. Hydra sent them to kill a scientist and his family. After the stake out, they killed them in their own house and went back to their safe house like nothing happend. He spent the rest of the night with his head between Natalia's thighs bringing her over the edge again and again.

* * *

Steve couldn't remember a time where he was happier than he was now. He had Bucky back and he was finally with the woman he loved. And she loved him back. He still couldn't believe she said the words back to him.

She didn't say it again after the first time but he was more than okay with that. He knew she loved him, she didn't have to constantly tell him. He could see in her eyes that she loved him. He could hear it in her voice when she told him about the only memory she had of her parents. He could feel it when they woke up in the morning and she gave him a sleepy smile and kissed him softly. When she tracked down the photo of him and his ma. He had no clue how she found it but it was the best present he ever received. She was in love with him and he was in love with her. It was perfect.

He knew how much their relationship meant to her when he read the email Clint sent him.

 _Cap,_

 _Fucking finally! Tasha told me that you two are finally together. There's no one else who could give her the love she deserves besides you. She gave you her heart. If you break it, I will castrate you. I have my wife's permisson. Take good care of her._

 _P.S: Lila wants to know if she can call you Uncle Steve now._

He almost cried when he read the mail. Natasha told her family about them. He knew that was a big step for her.

And he finally understood why the world was so obsessed with sex. Because making love to Natasha? Was pretty much all he could think about now. The moment Bucky left the house for his morning run or went to town, he and Natasha practically ripped each others clothes off and gave into each other. She taught him how to pleasure her and helped him discover what he liked.

Sometimes Natasha woke up in the middle of the night and she would nudge him awake and pull him over her body to guide him inside her. Or Bucky was already in his room asleep and they were still watching TV, he would bury his face between her legs and taste her. He wouldn't stop until she laughed, janked him by his hair up and told him to fuck her which he happily did. When Bucky went on his two hour morning run, they used the opportunity to have sex all over the house. They fucked everywhere except in Bucky's room. They still knew that would have been wrong even in their lust-clouded minds.

When he asked Natasha to pose for him, she hesitated. She admitted that she didn't think she deserved to be drawn by Steve whose drawings she found so beautiful that she didn't think she belonged in his sketchbook. He didn't tell her that he'd been secretly drawing her for years instead he told her that she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen and he'd be honoured to draw her.

"I want you to see yourself the way I see you, sweetheart"

The first time he drew her, they were in the living room with Bucky in the kitchen. Natasha still felt uncomfortable and Bucky waltzed into the room, put music on, cracked a joke and left again. This made her relax a bit and Steve began to put her beauty on paper. After that she posed more and more for him. Sometimes with Bucky in the room but mostly when they were in alone.

One time she told him to sit on the chair and to get his supplies and she stripped down bare before him and asked him how he wanted her to pose for him. He'd drawn nudes before in art school but Natasha posing nude for him? Totally different. He was touched that she gave him this. When he was done and he'd shown her the portrait, she gave him a warm smile, put the drawing on the nightstand, unbuckled his pants, slid them down to the middle of his thighs, straddled him and sank down on his erection. They made slowly love and he left charcoal fingerprints all over her body.

He blushed furiously when Natasha told him one night that they had probably more sex than any other couple.

"Is it too much?" He asked her after she rode him into the mattress using him shamelessy for her own pleasure. Not that he didn't enjoy it, he really, really did. Natasha on top of him was a vision he had to draw one day.

"No" She kissed his neck. She was still laying on top of him with him still inside her. She moved her hips lightly and his cock was already thickening again.

"I just thought you should know. For you ego" She said and started to clench her walls around him. He groaned and she smirked.

She rolled them so she was now on her back. "Thank fuck for that super soldier stamina"

She kicked his ass with the heel of her foot and he got the message and started to thrust his hips. "Maybe you're just irresistable, doll"

Her laugh turned into a moan when he angled his hips to hit her G-spot.

"Less talking, more fucking"

"Yes Ma'am" He started to fuck into her harder and Natasha made those little gasps he loved so much.

* * *

Bucky remembered his time with Natalia more clearly day by day.

He remembered how Natalia kissed him chastily on the lips after a training mission in the woods and then apologized and ran away. He remembered how he sneaked flowers and candy into the Red Room after his solo missions and gave them to her when no one watched. How she would beam at the little gifts and kiss his knuckles. He rememered how he held Natalia after her graduation in his arms and kissed her hair and promised her that she would be free one day. That they would be free one day.

 _"_ Will we be together then?" She asked him, tears in her eyes.

"Yes, always, sweetheart" He promised.

They were sent on their first mission together one week after her graduation. They had to stay at a shabby safehouse with one bed room.

Natalia wanted to sleep together in it but he declined. There were nearing dangerous water. It already took everything he had to resist her. She inflitrated his soul, mind and heart. He had no idea what would happen to her if the Red Room caught them. Natasha was angry and refused to take the bed when he offered it to her and slept on the couch. The third night Natalia was suddenly standing in front of his bed in a white night gown and slid under the blankets with him. She kissed him and he let her. He knew she never kissed anyone else before him and when she offered him her body, he couldn't resist her anymore and took her virginity. Her long red hair spilled over the pillows, her firm breast with her stiff pink nipples and how she blushed under his hungry stare drove him wild. How perfect their bodies fitted together. He made her breakfast in bed the next morning and repeated his promise that they would be free one day.

How would Steve react if he knew that he was Natasha's first? He got caught up enough on pop culture to know that they were some codes between male friends. Wasn't it against the code that they both had sex with her?

Did Natasha really not remember them at all? Did she really only remember that he trained her and was nice to her? Didn't she remember their promises and their kisses? Did they get caught? Did they both get wiped? What happend to them?

He watched Natasha carefully now but she showed no sign that she knew they had a romantic past. Steve told him happily that Natasha told Barton about them and when Steve skyped with Sam in the living room, Natasha went to him and kissed him in front of the web cam. He watched them from the kitchen and could hear Sam whistle.

"Finally!" Wilson exclaimed. "Wanda owes me 200 bucks."

"Was it really that obvious that we had feelings for each other?" Steve asked and Bucky knew without looking that he was getting red.

"Oh please! I've seen you two flirt and exchange longing glances pretty much since we met" Sam laughed. "Why do you think I told Nat about the kiss with Sharon. I wanted Nat to mark her territory and get her man"

He could hear Natasha scoff.

"Anyway, the reason why I called is that T'challa invites you three to come to Wakanda. His science people think that with the help of Wanda they can remove Bucky's triggers."

Bucky walked into the living room and practically shoved Steve and Natasha out of the way to see Wilson on the screen. "Really?"

Sam nodded. "Don't ask me the specifics but they are certain that it's at least worth a try. And T'challa also gets bad vibes from Ross. He's really interested in Wakandian technology and his army. He wants to know how T'challa became Black Panther. He was here last week. I had to hide in my room the entire time" He pouted.

"Yeah, hiding in a royal suite with room service must be horrible!" Natasha replied sarcastlcally.

"When does T'challa expect us?" Steve asked.

"He said he can send a jet anytime. Preferably sooner than later"

"Would tomorrow be too soon?" Bucky wanted to know. He wanted to get rid of these triggers as soon as possible. As long as they were in his head, he would never be completely free.

"I don't think so. I'll text you the details"

"Good. Then we'll see you soon" Natasha ended the call.

An hour later Sam mailed them in the info that a Quinjet on autopilot would pick them on a field a few miles away from their house.

* * *

 **моя любовь = my love**

Tell me what you think:)


	22. Chapter 22

Welcome to Wakanda

FYI: I already wrote most parts of this story before I started to upload chapters. That's why I can upload so regulary. I do love your input and I edited a few things because of it:)

* * *

XXII.

Wilson waited for them at the airfield. All three of them were excited for Wakanda. Bucky prayed that he would get rid of his triggers, Steve wanted to thank T'challa again and was happy to see Sam and he was ready to take action again. He didn't say it but Bucky knew that he missed being Captain America. Natasha also mentioned that she wanted to see if they could remove her triggers but feared it would be harder since no one knew the words. And she was fucking sick of the fucking Swedish cold, her words not his, and looked forward to the Wakandian heat.

"Hey guys!" Sam yelled at them when they walked down the ramp of the jet. He was wearing a colorful Wakandan gown and sunglasses. He looked healthy. His exile seemed to treat him well.

He gave Steve a long hug and then went on to greet Natasha. "Hey Nat. Good to see you. Even though I'm kinda mad that you chose Cap when you could have had me." He put his sun glasses down and winked at her.

"Oh please. Like you would pass the chance to bang Captain America, you fanboy" She replied dryly and Steve and Sam looked both embarrassed.

Sam changed the top to save himself from more embarrassemt. "Barnes, you don't look a like a hobo anymore"

Bucky didn't know what a hobo was but since it came from Wilson it couldn't have been a compliment. So he just glared at him and Sam chuckled.

They walked over to the SUV that would get them to the palace. The car seats were opposite each other and Steve of course sat next to his girlfriend so he had to sit down next to Wilson.

"We will join T'challa for dinner tonight." Sam said. "Wanda will arrive tomorrow. Clint wanted to come with her but didn't want to leave his family alone. I promised him that we take care of her"

"She's 19 years old. She can take care of herself" Natasha pointed her finger at Sam.

"I know but you know Clint is an overprotective mama bear. I'm pretty sure he thinks Wanda is one of his kids" Sam grinned. "I also heard he threatend Steve with castration if he doesn't treat you right."

Natasha raised her eyebrow at Steve who shrugged. "If I ever hurt you, I deserve it"

She rolled her eyes at him but still managed to look smitten with his answer.

Wilson spent the rest of the drive to the palace to tell them about his attempts to charm the Dora Milaje. He didn't say it but it wouldn't surprise him if Sam's charm attacks were unsuccessful. Every woman can do better than Wilson. And his opinion had nothing to do with the fact that he was still pissed that Wilson didn't move his seat for him.

They reached the outer rings of Birnin Zana and soon they would be at the palace. The city was marvellous. Modern buildings and nature next to each other in perfect harmony.

At the garage one of T'challa tall women was waiting for them. Bucky remembered that her name was Ayo and she was the head of T'challa's security team. Steve tried to get Natasha's bag when they got of the car but she snatched it out of his hand and walked over to Ayo who was standing in front of the elevator.

"Move or you will be moved" Natasha said and Bucky saw the ghost of a smirk on Ayo's face.

"King T'challa welcomes you in Wakanda" She said and moved to the side to let them enter the elevator. "Your suites are in the same wing as Mister Wilson's. His Majesty will meet you for dinner at eight pm in his chambers. Please know that we will confiscate any weapons to ensure the safety of the king" With that she looked at Natasha who smirked at her.

"Spoilsport" She grinned and handed over her weapons.

"We've been informed that Miss Romanoff and Captain Rogers will share a suite" Ayo said and then turned to Bucky. "Your suite will be next to Mr. Wilson's"

Of course it would be. He nodded a thank you to Ayo. She didn't know he wanted to throw Sam out of a window.

They reached their floor. "If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask the servants. They will get you anything you want. You are the king's guests" The elevator door's closed and she was gone.

A young man appeared and showed them to their suites. Bucky's was probably bigger than their entire house in Sweden. He spent his time in Wakanda mostly in the infirmary where they fixed his arm. He didn't see much of the palace back then but it had to be giantic. His suite alone had a living room, kitchen, bedroom and bathroom with whirlpool and sauna. Why someone needed a sauna in a tropical climate was beyond Bucky.

* * *

"Do you think they can remove my triggers?" Natasha asked him once they were alone in their suite.

Steve sat down next to her on the big couch and she moved to sit on his lap and wrapped her arms around his mid torso and buried her face in his neck.

"I think if anyone can find out your trigger words, it's Wanda" He said and played with her blonde hair. He missed the red.

"I hope they'll free me of them" She whispered against his neck and her breath send chills down his spine. "I don't want to hurt you again"

He knew she meant Yekatarinenburg. "You didn't hurt me"

"I almost killed you" She said and wrapped her arms tighter around him.

"But you didn't"

She moved her head from his neck to look at him. "Why didn't I?"

"What?"

"Why didn't I kill you? You never really told me what made me shoot myself"

He blushed and Natasha eyed him carefully. He didn't even know why he blushed. She knew that he loved her and he knew that she loved him. They were together and if anyone tried to trigger her again, he would rip them apart with his bare hands.

"Well" He swallowed. "I told you I love you. I said it again and again and then suddenly you turned the gun on yourself"

Natasha didn't react.

"The whole time in Kazhastan I was wondering if you might felt the same way and that's why you shot yourself. To save me." God, he rambled like a toddler.

Then she gave him a beautiful smile that warmed his heart. "I think you now know the answer to that question. I would rather die than hurt you, Steve"

Steve's eyes started to tear up. He didn't want to think about Nat dying. If he didn't push the gun up when she pulled the trigger, the bullet would have hit her heart.

"What's wrong, honey" Natasha cupped his cheek and he leaned into the touch.

"I almost lost you" He choked out. "I can't lose you. You're my everything"

Countless emotions flickered over her beautiful face and the green of her eyes looked somehow darker. She brushed his lips with her own and whispered. "You are the only thing that matters."

She leaned her forehead against his. "Kiss me" They both poured all their emotions into the kiss.

They took a nap on the more than comfortable bed because they were both exhausted after the trip and their emotional talk. Steve woke up before Nat, he carefully entangled himself from her and gave her a kiss on the forehead. She sighed and rolled herself into a small ball. She looked so peaceful and young when she was asleep.

He searched the kitchen for a light snack and found a variety of fruit. He placed a good amount of it on a plate and took two water bottles out of the fridge.

When he got out of the kitchen,Natasha was already awake and standing in front of a clothes rail with two clothes bags on it in the living room.

She was trying on a pair of black high heels. Before they went to bed, Natasha changed into one of his shirt so he now could get a good look at her bare legs who seemed even more toned due to the shoes. His eyes went up and down her smooth legs and he felt his jeans getting tighter. He didn't change in anything comfortable before their nap.

Natasha turned around and gave him a knowing smirk. "See anything you like, Rogers"

He nodded and put the plate and water bottles down. "You know I do" He licked his lips.

She pulled her shirt over her head and threw it on the couch. He crossed the room in a few steps and crashed his mouth to hers. He pressed his tongue against her lips and she opened them to let him in. He took his time to ravish her mouth. His hands palmed her naked tits until her rosy nipples were stiff. Then he moved his hands to her ass to he press her against his arching cock. They both moaned and he kissed his way down on her body to the flat of her stomach. He wanted to push her on the couch, so she could wrap her beautiful legs around his head and eat her out until she begged him to stop. Then he would gently lay her on the soft carpet and slide into her warmth and would drive them both into ecstasy.

His thumbs were already under her waistband when Natasha burst his bubble. " T'challa expects us in an hour"

An hour? He suddenly resented T'challa. He wanted to spend the rest of the day between Natasha's legs. Goddamnit. He closed his eyes and groaned. He opened them when he heard the click of Natasha's high heels on the floor. She was already at the double winged bathroom door and removed her shoes.

She slid her panties off and threw them at him. "Come on, Soldier. You can fuck me in the shower"

He hastily pulled his shirt off and sprinted after Natasha into the bathroom.

In the end, they fucked in the shower, then he fucked her against a bathroom wall and then Natasha made him sit on an armchair so that she could ride him. He had no idea why that kind of furniture was in a bathroom but he wasn't complaining. The sitting postion gave him the opportunity to bury his face between her breats.

They still managed to be on time for dinner. One of the clothes bag had a dark blue two-piece suit for him and the other one a beautiful black dress that clung to every curve of her body. It took all his willpower to not throw Natasha on the bed and have his way with her again.

Who knew he would turn into such a sex maniac. Was it the serum or Natasha? It was probably a combination of both. Having sex three times in less than an hour seemed a lot, even for them but she told him that she was flattered that he wanted her so much when he mentioned it to her while she put her blonde hair into a low bun.

"You've ruined me for other men" She said and slipped her high heels back on. "No one has given me as much pleasure as you do."

He ruined her for other men? He gave her a smug grin. That was his intention. He wanted to be with her for the rest of his life.

Natasha kissed him on the cheek and then smirked. " Now, let's have dinner with T'challa. I hope it won't take too long. I can't wait to fuck you through the mattress of that beautiful four poster bed."

"Did you have to put that image into my head" He whined and opened the door. Sam's hand was raised and he put it down again. He changed the Wakandan gown in for a brown suit.

"What image?" He asked and Natasha winked at him.

"Judging on the post-coital glow on your faces, I can guess what kind of image" Sam grinned.

Steve chose to ignore that. He didn't need Sam to joke about his sex life. "Where's Bucky?"

"I'm here" Bucky turned around the corner and walked towards them. He was wearing a maroon coloured suit with no tie. He looked good. The last time he saw Bucky in a suit was when his aunt Mildred got married right before the war. He was also invited and Bucky tried to set him up with his cousin Lisa. She was nice to him but it was obvious that she wasn't interested in him.

He glanced at Natasha who gave Bucky an appreciating look. All the girls who turned him down didn't matter. He found his girl.

"Don't you look dapper, James. Maybe you have more luck with the ladies here than Sam" She gave Bucky a wink and he actually blushed a bit.

"Don't want to make you jealous, Nat" He shot back.

"You wish" She said and linked her arm with Steve. "Let's go handsome"

How lucky was he that his best friend and best girl got along so well?

* * *

Did they just flirt in front of Steve? If they did, Steve was completely oblivious. He and Natasha led the way to T'challa's private chambers and Steve kept glancing at Natasha and gave her a big smile everything she looked back.

Wilson gave him that funny look again after he flirted with Natasha. Did he suspect something?

Sam came over to his suite shortly after Bucky settled in and plopped down on the couch.

"How are you, Barnes?" He asked him and he gave him a puzzled look.

"I mean how are you dealing with the changes? First you are alone with Steve for months and then Natasha shows up and interrupts your dynamic. And then she and Steve got together. Changing the dynamic again."

"What are you my shrink?"

Sam laughed. "No. I just worry about you. I don't think there is someone else you can talk about it"

He didn't care that the dynamic changed when Natasha moved in with them.

He enjoyed the time with her and Steve. They were the two most important people for him. He would rip the world apart for them. It got difficult for him when he started to remember that he and Natalia used to be in love. It got complicated because he didn't know if his feelings for Natalia were gone or if he now had them for Natasha. He still didn't know how to separate Natalia and Natasha. And he couldn't even imagine how Steve would react if he found out that he used to be in relationship with his girlfriend.

But he wasn't gonna tell Sam about any of this. He would never tell any soul about this. He couldn't do that to Steve. Or Natasha.

"It was weird in the beginning." He lied. "But I like Natasha" That was not a lie.

Sam nodded, "But it must be at least awkward for you to have a first row seat to their love story."

He groaned "Why are we still talking about this. I'm not jealous!"

Sam looked at him funny. "I didn't think you were. Are you jealous?"

"No!" He answered way too quickly.

Sam raised an eyebrow and wanted to say something but Bucky sent him with the the lie that he had a headache and needed a nap out of the door.

He sure hoped Wilson wouldn't start to look closer at his interactions with Natasha.

* * *

The dinning room was incredible. The floor was made out of marble. The white wall paper was embroided with a gold pattern. Bucky was certain that it was actual gold.

The dinning room table was made of a dark and beautiful wood and sat for five people at the end of it. T'challa walked through a double winged side door and the servants who were standing at the wall bowed.

Were they supposed to bow as well?

He went to Natasha who was about to drop a curtsey when T'challa waved her off.

"No need, Miss Romanoff. After all we are all old friends here" He nodded at them.

"It is nice to see you again, Miss Romanoff" He took her hand and placed a kiss on the back of it. Bucky glanced at Steve who didn't look really thrilled. If he was already jealous about that, what would knowing that his best friend and girlfriend used to sleep with each other do to him.

"I must apologize for reporting you to Ross. I did not have the full picture when I did. I am deeply sorry"

"Water under the bridge, your Majesty" She said.

"There is no need for formalities when we are in private. T'challa is enough"

And that's how they ended up on a first name basis with a king. If he could only tell his Becca about this. She was obsessed with royals.

T'challa led them to the table and when a servant tried to pull out the chair for Natasha, Steve beat him to it. The servant shot an unsure glance at the king.

But T'challa just laughed. "I already heard that you two are now involved."

He raised his glass when everyone was seated. "To Steve and Natasha."

"To Steve and Natasha" Sam grinned.

"To the happy couple" Bucky half-heartedly agreed.

Natasha and Steve just looked embarrassed.

"You know" T'challa said while the first course was served. "I have suspected that there was something between you two"

Steve nearly choked on his food. "What?"

T'challa looked at Natasha. "I saw the sadness in your eyes over Steve's absence when we met in Vienna"

Natasha's jaw was set. She probably didn't like it that a stranger figured her out so quickly.

"And you" He gave Steve an amused look. "You were so grateful after Siberia but when I mentioned that I reported her to Ross, you looked like you wanted to put my head through a wall."

* * *

Tell me what you think:)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!


	23. Chapter 23

XXIII.

After dinner they joined T'challa in his lounge. He mentioned for them to sit on his couches. Natasha and Steve naturally sat next to each other and Bucky had to sit next Wilson while the king occuppied an armchair at the head of the couches. He made that chair look like a throne.

They ordered drinks and Natasha complimented the vodka. Bucky had to agree the stuff was divine. He didn't want to know the price for one bottle.

"Tomorrow my team will examine your arm and brain, James " T'challa said. He chose to call him James instead of Bucky. He actually didn't expect anything else. It would be kind of weird to be called Bucky by a king.

"I am so grateful for your help, T'challa" Bucky was moved. He didn't need to help. He wasn't the only one who originally thought he was responsible for the Vienna bombing and his father's death.

T'challa waved him off. "It's my pleasure. When one can help someone, one is obliged to help. My father always used to say that."

"To King T'chaka " Natasha raised her glass.

"To King T'chaka" They joined her toast.

"So about Ross..." Steve began and looked at the king.

T'challa nodded and sat his glass on the marble table in front of him. "He's been on my tail since Berlin. Keeps asking me if I knew where Rogers and Barnes are. Wants to see where we keep our vibranium. Tries to convince me to sell it to the CIA."

He sighed. "He wants to know our secrets. When he was here last week, he tried to get my staff to talk. Told me that Wakanda could get a bigger role on the world stage. My father always told me to listen to my instinct and they tell me his intentions are not honourable."

"What do you need us to do?" Steve asked.

"Whatever you need, man" Sam grinned and gulped his colorful drink down.

"For now? Nothing. James is here to get help with his triggers. My intelligence services are on Ross 24/7. If or rather when they find something, I can't deal with it. Not as King of Wakanda. I hope you will take action when the time comes"

Sam told them for the rest of the evening about his adventures in Wakanda and around 11 pm Bucky decided to go to bed. An important day was ahead of him. He wanted to be rested for the examinations.

* * *

Steve woke up with a naked Natasha in his arms. He was spooning her and poking against her ass. He was aware that Natasha knew it was natural for men to wake up with an erection in the morning but he told her repeately that she didn't have to help him with it. He didn't expect her to have sex with him first thing in the morning. He sometimes feared that Natasha thought he prefered her body over her heart and soul since they were having so much sex. They only fell asleep around 4 am because they couldn't keep their hands off each other. She told him that before they got together all of her relationships were only sexual and he wanted her to know that what they had was so such much more than that.

He tightend his hold on her and trailed kisses over her neck and shoulder. Natasha began to stir and turned in his arms to face him.

"Morning" She mumbled and he pressed his mouth on her lips.

"Mm" She returned his kiss, her hand travelled over his stomach and she brushed her fingertips over his shaft.

"You don't have to" He murmured into their kiss when she wrapped her hands around his hard on.

She stopped kissing him ,her eyebrows were knitted into a cute frown and her hand still on his cock. "Don't you like it when I touch you?"

"Of course I like it" He replied quickly. "I just don't want you to think that you have to. I don't want you to think I'm only with you because of the sex!"

"Oh Steve" She gave him a throaty laugh, removed her hold of his cock and framed his face with her soft hands. "I know that. Is that because I mentioned that I never had so much sex in my life than I have with you?"

He nodded. "I didn't even realize we were having too much sex until you told me"

She sighed. " We're not having too much sex. And I know that you love me. And I love you. Sex is just the cherry on top. It's a way to express our love" She kissed him. "It's called making love for a reason"

She rolled onto her back with him hovering above her. His tip brushed against her folds and they both sighed at the contact.

"Okay" He told her and kissed her jaw and throat.

"Good" She said and grabbed his ass with her hands to push him into her. "Show me how much you love me"

She wrapped one leg over his waist and he started to roll his hips. They smiled at each other while he rocked into her. At one point he started to pound and the bed rutted against the wall. Natasha laughed until he sat back on his knees, lifted her hips off the bed and held them in place and jackhammered into her. She unlocked a side in him he never thought existed. He had no idea that sex would be so passionate and intense. She felt so good. He knew he would never get enough of her, of this. Natasha panted and moaned and he could only grunt in return. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes closed, her breasts bounched and she fisted the sheets. He could feel his orgasm coming and started to rub on her clit matching his hard thrusts. Natasha came with a scream and he followed her right after. His orgasm was so powerful he gripped her hips so hard, he was sure there would be bruises soon. He slipped out of her with Natasha whimpering at the loss and he leaned down to kiss her sweaty forehead.

"Hm, best way to start the day" She whispered against his lips.

After he got to kiss her some more, they got up and took a shower where he showed her again how much he loved her.

* * *

Wanda would be here soon. Steve couldn't wait to see her again. She was like a little sister to him and it broke her heart when he saw her at the Raft. He would be eternally grateful to Clint and Laura that they took care of her and got her out of her shell again. The first times he skyped with her, she barely said a word and only spoke when he asked her a question. But over time she returned to her old self and told him on her own about the things she did in Canada.

Natasha was standing next to him in the underground garage of the palace. Wanda would enter the country per vehicle. Too many Quinjets leaving Wakanda could get Ross attention and make him suspious. So Wanda would land in a neighbour country and one of T'challa's Tall Woman would drive her here.

He could see that Natasha was tense. "Do you think she'll be mad at me, Steve?"

"Why would she?" He took their interwined hands to his lips and pressed a kiss to hers. He hoped it would calm her.

"I signed the Accords. She didn't and they threw her into the Raft" She looked ashamed.

"Did you know they would treat her like that?" He asked her.

She shook her head. "No, no. I'd never let them take her if I knew. The part for the special treatment for enhanced individuals was left out by Ross"

"I'm sure she knows that" He gave her hand a squeeze. At that moment a black SUV drove through the gate and parked a few meters away from them.

The door opened and Wanda jumped out. She threw herself at him with so much force that he stumpled a few steps back.

He lifted her up and twirled her around. "I missed you too, kid" He laughed.

He put her down on her feet again and she smiled widely. "It's good to see you again, Steve"

She turned to Natasha who was about to open her mouth but Wanda had already wrapped her arms tighly around her. "I missed you, Natasha"

Nat looked at him like she didn't know what to do and he just grinned at her. The kid was clearly not mad at her.

Natasha eventually returned the hug. "I'm glad you're here."

And then she surprised all three of them when she put Wanda's face between her hands and stood up on her toes and kissed her forehead gently. "I'm glad you're safe"

On their way to show her her suite, Wanda wanted to know everything about their relationship.

How they got together. Who kissed who first? Did Natasha's heart flutter when he looked at her? Was Steve romantic? Did he take Natasha on nice dates? Did he need ideas for romantic gestures? Apparently Clint got her hooked on romance novels and she now considered herself an expert in everything romantic. Maybe he would have been offended that Wanda thought he needed help in the romance departement if he wasn't so confused by the fact that Clint was into romance novels. Clint? He started to think Wanda was messing with him when she told them that the two of them founded a book club where they weekly discussed their current readings.

"So he finally found someone?" Natasha asked. "He's been begging me for years to join his club. It's hardly a club with only one member"

Steve started at her. Was Wanda telling the truth?

"I'm surprised he didn't try to get you to join. " Nat said to him.

Wanda pulled out a book out of her bag. "We're reading 'A Bend In The Road' by Nicholas Sparks at the moment. Remind me to send Clint an email with my thoughts after I'm done reading it"

Later he would realize that this was the first time since he known Wanda that she was acting like a teenager. Living with the Bartons was good for her. They didn't expect her to be anything other than to be a 19 year old girl.

* * *

Bucky spent the whole morning with T'challa neurologists. They scanned his brain, did an EEG and tested the connection between his bionic arm and his nerve system. He had to fill out questionnaires and give them a detailed report of his triggering in Yekatarinenburg. Not that he could remember much.

They asked him to write down his trigger words in English and was told that Natasha would translate them into Russian. He felt some sort of satisfaction and control that the words in English had no effect on him. They restraint him briefly to test the English version of the triggers and he remained himself.

Around noon he went to Steve's and Natasha's suite to have lunch with them. Wanda would also be there.

He knocked on their door and Steve let him in. "How was it?"

"Good" He walked in and saw Natasha sitting on the ground with Wanda sitting behind her on the couch and braiding her hair into some sort of crown around her head. The look was totally not Natasha but she looked very pretty with it.

"I think Wanda used her powers to get Natasha to let her braid her hair" Steve fake-whispered to him.

"We heard that" Wanda said and a brush surrounded by red light hit Steve's chest.

"Ow!" He whined and rubbed his pec. Wanda beamed, Natasha smirked and Bucky had to snort.

Bucky noticed that Natasha was wearing a white t-shirt with Steve's shield and "Cap's girl" printed on it.

She caught his look and rolled her eyes. "A gift from Wanda and Lila."

"Selfmade" Wanda grinned proudly.

"I don't have the shield anymore" Steve murmered and looked on the ground. Possibly remembering how he lost it.

"The shield didn't made you Captain America. Steve Rogers made Captain America" Natasha said softly and Wanda nodded.

Steve nodded but his shoulders were still hung. Natasha stood up and gave Steve a gentle kiss. Bucky's stomach twisted in knots at the sight.

Wanda got up as well and walked over to him. "Nice to see you, Bucky" She smiled at him friendly.

"Yeah, you too" Out of the corner of his eye he saw that Steve and Natasha were on their way to the kitchen.

"Room service brought already our lunch" Wanda said and followed them into the kitchen.

They ate a traditional Wakanadan dish that tasted forgein but really good. Both he and Steve had three servings while the girls only had one.

Wanda explained during lunch that she would get, with his permisson of course, into his head and search for the trigger words in his mind. She needed to find the place in his mind where they were hidden. He would be connected to an EEG to check his brain waves and to make sure that Wanda didn't damage his brain. That part worried him lightly but Wanda seemed confident that it wouldn't happen. When she would find the words, she would single them out and erase them one by one. It would take some time to find them and then to singlely wipe them from his brain. She couldn't erase them all at once, it would fry his brain.

She looked at Natasha. "After I've had practice with Bucky's trigger words and know how to find them, I'm positive that I'll recognize yours when I read your mind."

Natasha smiled at her. "You have no idea what that means to me. Or to James. We can finally be free."

She placed her hands over Steve's. "No one can make me hurt the one I love again"

Bucky felt his eyes widened. That was the first time he openly heard her say something that indicated the depth of her feelings for Steve. And now she said she loved him in front of him and Wanda. Steve kissed Natasha's temple and Wanda beamed at them. And Bucky desperately wanted a drink.

"We'll start tomorrow with our first session" Wanda said to him after lunch."I'll meet you at 10 am at the infirmary."

She left him alone with Steve and Natasha to meet Sam at the Royal Stables. For some reason Wilson took a liking to horseback riding and he thought Wanda might like it too.

Natasha changed into yoga pants and a sports bra and threw a hoodie over when she came back from the bedroom. She told him she wanted to sparr with Ayo. Bucky tried very hard not to stare at Natasha in her tight sport gear and tried very hard not to remember how her body felt underneath his hands.

She waved at him and kissed Steve on her way out. Steve's hand wandered to her ass and he squeezed it. Bucky's eyes almost fell out of his eye sockets. He still couldn't wrap his head around the fact that Steve was now a sexual active man. He didn't even blush when he grabbed her ass!

* * *

It took days for Wanda to find the words in his mind. Hydra planted them so deep in his subconsciousness that she suspected some kind of telepath played a part. They were both exhausted after their sessions , she spent hours poking in his brain. They were alone in the room to give Bucky privacy. When he asked him if she wasn't afraid to be alone with him, she just scoffed at him and told him that if anyone should be afraid it should be him. In the room next to them was a neurologist to read the EEG but she couldn't see or hear them.

Wanda sometimes slipped and brought more memories to daylight. Memories of his life before Hydra and memories of him being the Winter Soldier. He prayed to God that she didn't stumple over a memory of Natalia. He knew she could see everything that he remembered when she was in his mind.

After three weeks Wanda erased six of his triggers. Only four to go. He could practically feel it every time a word disappeared. T'challa specialists were certain that enough triggers had been removed and he couldn't be turned back into the Asset but he wanted them all gone.

He should have listened to T'challa's people.

This morning before his meeting with Wanda, Natasha came over to his suite to have breakfast with him. She was curious about his process. He could see the hope in her eyes that Wanda's magic would help her as well. She wore a golden necklace he'd never seen before and seemed to be in a very good mood.

Having breakfast with her reminded him about the time they had breakfast in bed after their first night together. Natasha accompanied him to the room where the sessions took place and gave him a light kiss on the cheek before she left.

He tried his best to push all his thoughts about Natasha and Natalia in the back of his mind.

He sat down on the armchair, they hooked him on the EEG and Wanda took her place standing behind him and placed her hands on his head.

He could feel how her energy entered his mind. Everything went like clock work but then Wanda slightly moved and he caught a sniff of her perfum. He didn't know how or why but the girl smelled exactly like Natasha.

And then his mind was flooded with Natasha. How she showed up at their house in Sweden. How she taught him Uno. How she flipped him off when she almost fell into the knee-deep snow. How she kissed him on the cheek an hour ago.

And then his thoughts shifted to Natalia. How he first saw her in the Red Room. How he taught her to kill someone. How he gave her a flower and she blushed. How she kissed him in the woods and than ran away. How they made love. How she told him that she loved him and wanted to run away with him. How he promised her he would buy her a house and build her a dancing studio. How she promised him that she would dance for him every night.

Wanda groaned and fell to the ground. She held her head in her hands and the door opened and the neurologist came running in.

"Everything okay?" She asked. "The EEG was running wild"

"Everything's fine" Wanda said and got up. "I just hit a barrier" She lied. The woman looked skeptical but left.

Bucky didn't know what do say. He knew that Wanda saw everything. He couldn't just brush it off.

"Does she know?" Wanda was still shaken.

Bucky shook his head.

"Does _he_ know?"

"No, and he never can. It would destroy him. You can't tell anyone." He pleaded.

* * *

Leave a review:)


	24. Chapter 24

A lot happens in this chapter. Also I'm not sure if you noticed that I uploaded chapter 23 yesterday on New Year. Might wanna go a chapter back and check out if you already read it;)

* * *

XXIV.

She promised him that she wouldn't tell Steve or Natasha about what she saw in his head.

" _You_ have to tell them" She said after she collected herself.

He shook his head. "I can't. Steve is happy. He loves her so much."

"Do _you_ love her?" Wanda asked him softly.

"I don't know" He finally admitted after he just stared at her. "It's all a mess in my head. I know I loved Natalia. I don't know what I feel for Natasha."

"She doesn't love you."Wanda blurted out and clapped her hand over her mouth to stop herself. That hurt him for some reason. He gritted his teeth so hard, he could feel his jaw muscle get tense.

Wanda blushed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I can read, how do I explain it? I can read someone's aura. Yeah, let's call it that. I don't do it without permission but Steve's and Natasha's auras are so strong when they're together. Their auras are practically blinding me. They only love each other. Her feelings for Steve are very intense. There is no one else for her."

Bucky nodded. He didn't need to be a mind reader to know that Steve and Natasha were head over heels for each other. Steve even told him that Natasha was the one for him. The minute the Accords were dealt with and Steve could give her a real home , Steve would probably propose.

* * *

They could move freely in the Royal Palace. The staff was loyal to T'challa and they wouldn't report that he housed five wanted criminals. Bucky and Wanda were gone for hours for their sessions and Sam had found his own group of friends he liked to hang out with. Which meant that Steve and Natasha were mostly alone. Not that he complained. He felt like they could finally live like a couple. In Wakanda they didn't had to stay in all day in a smalll cabin with Bucky in the next room. They finally had privacy and didn't need to feel guilty that Bucky felt left out.

The suite felt like they had their own appartement with their friends in the same complex. Natasha introduced him to all-naked day and he had to admit that he was a big fan.

They went swimming in the Royal Pools, strolled through the Royal Gardens and visited the Royal cinema frequently. They had candle light dinners on their suite's terrace and breakfast in bed.

Natasha could finally experience dating as Steve wanted her to. Their third month anniversary was around the corner and he was beyond happy that he could finally get Natasha an actual gift. The Swedish town they lived in didn't have any stores where he could buy gifts good enough for Nat. His girl deserved more than a necklace he brought at the supermarket. T'challa's people got him in contact with a jeweler and she made him a beautiful thin gold necklace and a small round pendant with tiny diamonds formed as a N on it. Maybe it was more of a gift for an one year anniversary but he still couldn't believe he was finally with her. He pinned after her for years and now she was his. And it still bothered him that he couldn't really offer her anything in Sweden, even though she told him that she found the little cabin romantic. She deserved more. So she would get jewelery for their third month anniversary. He kind of planned to give her a diamond ring when they would celebrate their first year together. But that was still months away. Maybe they would already be back in New York then.

Two nights before the day of their anniversary Wanda knocked on their door and told him to follow her. She gave him the whole time a toothy grin and looked really excited. They ended up in a section of the Palace he hadn't been before. Wanda told him to go through the door and left him giggling. He had no idea what put Wanda into such a good mood.

On the other side of the door was a dancing studio. Hardwood floors, mirrored walls and barrés were meeting his sight. In the middle of the room was Natasha. She wore a top, a short dance skirt, black tights and ballet shoes. She looked so young in that outfit.

She smiled at him. "T'challa's mother told me about this room after she found out that I was a ballerina. She allowed me to use it"

She pointed at a chair next to him. "Sit. I want to dance for you. If you want me do." She added quietly. She looked like she wasn't sure if he'd like to see her dance.

His enthusiastic nodding gave her her confidence back. He sat down on the chair and turned his full focus on Nat.

She clapped her hands and a beautiful music started playing. And then she started to move. She was spectacular. She danced like she was born to be a ballerina. She twirled and jumped effortlessly. He was hypnotised by her. Seeing her dance was an honour. He could barely contain his emotions. A part of him mourned for the little Natalia who wanted to be a ballerina but was instead turned into a killer.

The music ended and Natasha bowed. "Did, did you like it?" She whispered.

"Wow" He could only breathe out. "That was breathtaking. Thank you"

Natasha gave him a shy smile and her cheeks turned pink. "I haven't danced in years. I've never danced for someone I love."

He stood up and walked over to her. He cupped her beautiful face with his hands and kissed her. He hoped his kiss would show her how much this gesture meant to him.

"I love you, Natshechka" He whispered against her lips.

Natasha beamed at the nickname and it made his chest flutter. She pressed herself against him and devoured his mouth.

They were both out of breath when their lips parted. "You are my home, Steve. I love you so much"

His heart was beating wild in his chest. She told him she loved him more often now but a part of him still couldn't believe his feelings were returned by her. He took her hand and twirled her around. Her laugh echoed through the dance studio.

He remembered the jewelery box in the pocket of his jacket. He picked the necklace up this afternoon and was about to hide it when Wanda came to get him. It wasn't their anniversary yet but this was the perfect moment. He pulled the box out and handed it to Natasha. She gave him a questioning look.

"It's for you. A little something for my girl" He hoped he gave her a charming grin.

Natasha opened the box slowly and gasped. "Steve, this is too much"

"Nonsense. Do you like it?" He wasn't sure. Natasha had exquisite taste.

"I love it. Thank you. It's beautiful." She turned around and he clasped the the necklace around her neck.

She placed her hands on his chest. "Steve"

"Yes?"

"Take me to bed."

Their lovemaking felt somehow more intense that night. They reached a new step in their relationship. He was even more certain than ever that this was it. He would never love anyone else. Natasha was his soulmate. He wanted to be with her forever.

The next morning after another round of mindblowing and emotional sex, she left to have breakfast with Bucky. She wanted to talk about him with his progress of the trigger removal. He knew how badly she wanted to get rid of her triggers. He could see the fear in her eyes when she talked about being used to hurt him. She grabbed a new bottle of her perfume, a gift to Wanda for her help, and left but not before kissing him so passionately his knees got weak.

* * *

He could see that Wanda felt sorry for him. She never mentioned what she saw to him again and tried to distract him whenever Steve and Natasha were around .The kid had a good heart. He liked her. She was way nicer than Sam and also prettier. They only had two triggers to go and he would be finally be free. Hydra could never get him back.

The Wakandan Intelligence Service found a farm in Chile that belonged to Ross but he kept off the books. Ross would reguarly visit the farm but satellites found no habitants besides Ross. T'challa asked Steve to check the farm out while they could be sure that Ross would be at a conference in Peking for a week. After some discussions Steve and Natasha; Sam told him that she was his second in command before Berlin;decided that she and Bucky would go. They both were the most experienced at stealth missions. Steve clearly wasn't entirely comfortable with letting his girlfriend go without him as back up. But Natasha calmed him down.

"You have to break us out if we get caught" She joked and Steve looked downright panicked at that thought. "You know what I'm capable of. And what Bucky can do. We'll be fine"

"I know" He sighed. "It's just different now. Between us"

She embraced him in a hug. "It's gonna be okay, sweetie"

Bucky had to look away and met Wanda's understanding gaze.

Later that day they had a session.

"Are you gonna be okay in Chile? With Natasha all alone?" Wanda asked him, pulling a chair in front of his and sat down.

"Of course" He barked and Wanda flinched. "I'm sorry. It's just a mission. We fly to Chile, swipe Ross farm for intel and leave"

Wanda looked like she didn't believe him but raised her hands and entered his mind.

* * *

Sam, Bucky, Wanda, Natasha and Steve had dinner together before Nat and Buck would leave in the morning for Chile. It almost felt like they were back at the Avengers HQ but with the addition of Bucky. Steve looked around at his friends and smiled. Maybe one day they would be back at the base. Hopefully Nat and Bucky would find dirt on Ross.

After dinner Natasha and Bucky met with the headmaster of the armory to get their gear. Steve used Nat's absence to lit candles in their bed room. This was the first time they would be apart since they got together. He wanted their last night to be special. He threw rose pedals on the bed and took the room in. Yes, that looked romantic. He changed from his shirt and jeans into satin pyjama pants. He didn't bother to put the top part of the pyjama on. He knew that Nat had a thing for his chest and abs.

He heard the door open. "I'm in the bedroom"

"One minute" Natasha shouted back and he heard the bathroom door open and close.

Should he sit on the bed and wait for her? Should he pose for her? He didn't have the grace and pose of Natasha. He'd probably look stupid. So he just sat down at the foot of the bed and waited for her.

He could hear the click of high heels over the floor and then the bedroom door opened. Steve was surprised his jaw didn't hit the floor at the sight before him.

Natasha was wearing a black lace bra, matching panties, a black garterbelt and stockings. Her blonde hair was in big curls and her lips were painted red.

She was leaning with one hand against the door frame and the other hand was on her hips. "Hey soldier" She gave him a heated gaze.

His pants started to get tighter in anticipation. "Hi" He gulped and Natasha smirked.

She swayed her way over to him and nudge his legs apart to stand between them. His hands automatically moved to her hips and he slid them down to her thighs to play with the lace of her stockings.

He looked up at her. "Wow. Is that all for me?" What did he do to deserve her? She dolled herself all up for him.

"I could ask the same" She looked around the room. "I love it that you're so romantic" She brushed her fingertips over his forehead, cheeks and lips. He shivered at the gentle contact.

He stroke his hands up her thighs over her hips and to her waist. He stood up and she looped her arms around his neck. He leaned down to press his lips to her. She sighed and let him slip his tongue into her mouth.

She grabbed his neck and pulled him closer to her and bit on his lower lip and sucked it into her mouth. God, he could kiss her all day.

"I'll miss you so much" He admitted while his hands wandered to her lace covered breasts. He brushed over one nipple with his thumb.

"I'll be back before you know it" She pressed her chest into his hands and he happily massaged her tits. She turned around and pressed her ass against his hard cock. It might be embarrassing but it took him no time to get hard for her. His hands returned to her breasts and he started to palm them toughly. She gave him a throaty moan and he rolled his hips against her behind and slipped a hand into her panities. She was already dripping wet and he groaned. He slung one arm around her waist and sat back on the bed with her on his lap. Her head rolled onto his shoulder and he angled his head to kiss her. Natasha kissed him back with tongue and teeth. He slid two fingers into her cunt and she gasped and started to fuck herself on his fingers. She panted into his ear and the sound made him thrusht his fngers harder. He curled his fingers to rub on her g-spot t and his other hand moved under her bra and he rolled her stiff nipple between his fingers. One of her hands moved to the back of his head to grab his hair. Her other dugged into his thigh and the slight pain just added to his arousal. He rubbed her g-spot harder and started to stroke her clit. Natasha whaled and sank against his chest after she came from her high.

"Holy shit" She giggled. "Holy shit" She gave him a lazy kiss. She tapped his thigh and he helped her stand. His erection was starting to get painful but he let Natasha sat the pace.

"Do you want to try something new?" She asked him unclasping her bra and moved up the bed giving him a good look at her perfect ass.

She was on her back now laying on the bed and raised an eyebrow at him. Right, she asked him a question.

Not sure he could form coherent sentences, he just nodded. Everything Natasha showed him in the bedroom so far was fantastic. Whatever she had planned now, he was sure he would be into.

"Good" She looked at his crotch and bit her lip. "You love my tits right?" To underline her question she started to play with them. He was still standing at the foot at the bed and couldn't help but start to palm himself over his pyjamas at the sight.

"I'll take that as a yes" He could only nod. "Good, I want you to fuck them."

What? "What?" He choked out. Was she serious? Would she let him to that? Just the thought of it made his cock twitch.

"Yes. Pull your pants off. Then come to me and sit on my stomach." She rolled her nipples between her fingers and moaned.

He slid his pants off, kicked them somewhere and crawled on the bed to her. She smiled at him and grabbed his thighs to help him settle on her upper body. He was carefully to not put too much of his weight on her. She pressed her breasts around his cock with her hands and told him to thrust. Natasha lifted her head up and opened her mouth and let him fuck her tits and mouth. The combination was incredibly and overwhelming. Seeing his cock move between her breasts and into her mouth was too much for him and Natasha tried to swallow as much possible of him when he came.

He could only grunt a fuck and collasped next to her. He needed a moment to catch his breath. Natasha grabbed a bed sheet to wipe the rest of his cum of her.

"Did you like it?" She purred.

"That was fucking amazing, doll. I didn't know that was a thing" He admitted. He really had no idea but whoever came up with it deserved a medal.

She laughed. "I'm glad I can still surprise you"

"You know what I want, doll?" He grinned at her. He really needed to get his mouth on her.

"Mm?"

"I want you to sit on my face. Would you be okay with that?" He already knew the answer but he wanted to hear it.

"You know I'm more than okay with that, babe" She sat up and he sunk a bit lower on the bed.

"What about this?" She pointed at her garter belt and stockings. "Do you want me to leave them on?

"Please"

"Then you have to rip my panties. You got the strength of that, Captain?"

He only huffed. Of course he had the strength for it. He grapped her and sat her on his chest. He smirked at her and teared her underwear apart. She laughed and he lifted her up and placed her gently on his face. He began to lap at her folds and she moaned and grinded her hips down. He explored her cunt with his tongue. He had to groan, she tasted so good. He couldn't understand why some men didn't like eating their girls out. If she let him, he would spend the whole day with his head buried between her legs. She placed one hand in his hair and the other on his chest to ride his face. He circled her clit with his tongue. She pressed her hips harder against his face. He was glad that the serum made it possible for him to hold his breath for a long time. Natasha practically smothered him with her cunt. His member was already hard again because of the heavenly sounds she made. He hoped she let him fuck her after he pleasured her with his mouth. He thrust his tongue into her and began to lick her walls, Natasha's moans filled the room and he grabbed her thighs harder. His tongue thrust in and out of her and when he could feel her orgasm approaching,he slipped his tongue out of her. Natasha grunted and he smirked, he was sure she could feel it. She tapped on his head clearly urging him to keep going. He blew air against her sex and she shivered. She whined his name and he took mercy with her. He removed one hand from her thighs and snuck them between her cunt and his mouth. He thrust three fingers into her and she screamed.

"Fuck, Steve. Yes"

He pumped his fingers into her and sucked on her clit. She let go of his head and he could hear the clapping sound when her palm hit against the headboard. Her thighs clenched his head tight and she screamed his name when she came. He greedily licked all of her wetness that came oozing out of her. She tasted devine.

She flopped down next to him. "Good that was amazing"

He licked his lips to savour her taste. She pulled his head to her and kissed him slowly. He was positive that she could taste herself on his tongue.

She spread her legs. "You have to do all the work." He might have thought that she was too tired but the heat in her eyes told him that she wasn't done for the night.

He moved to settle between her thighs and she wrapped them around his waist. He could feel her stockings against his skin. He leaned down to kiss her without any rush. Like they had all the time in the world. He didn't want to think about that he wouldn't see her for a few days.

He looked into her eyes and she smiled dreamily at him and it made his heart flutter. "I love you" He slid into her. They both moaned.

"I love you" She cupped his face and kissed him again.

He began to roll his lips and Natasha arched her back. They built a slow rhythm. He watched her face while he moved in and out of her. She tried to keep her eyes open and smiled at him. Everytime he hit the spot inside of her that she showed him in their first night together, she arched her back and gasped. She looked beautiful with him inside her. He brushed a strain of hair from her sweaty face and kissed her nose. Natasha giggled and he smiled at her. She clenched her walls around him and he groaned. She gave him an innocent look. Little minx. He pulled all the way out to thrust hard back into her. She screamed and dug her fingernails into his shoulders. Fuck that felt good. He thought he turned the tables until she literally turned them and he was suddenly on his back.

"Keep up, Soldier" She whispered into his ear and then moved up to plant her hands on his chest. She started to bounce on his cock and he wrapped her waist with his hands feeling the fabric of the garterbelt and helped her move. She threw her head back and rode him into the mattress.

He knew he couldn't hold off any longer. He loved it when she was on top and in control. And with the garterbelt and the stockings she looked so fucking hot. "Nat, I'm close." He bucked his hips up.

Natasha nodded and moved one hand to pleasure herself. He started to knead her ass and when the first wave of her orgasm started to milk him, he followed her with a shout of her name. She collapsed on top of him and he wrapped his arms around her.

"I'll miss you" She panted. She moved off of him and he could feel the fluids leak out of her on his thighs. He would as always sleep in the wet spot. He was a gentleman after all.

He ran his fingers through her blonde locks. He still missed the red. " You'll be back before you know it" He repeated her words from earlier.

He felt her smile against his pec. "You dork"

"You mean _your_ dork?" He couldn't help but grin.

"Yeah" She sighed and kissed his chest.

* * *

Natasha woke up before him. When he opened his eyes and the space next to him was empty, his heart sank. Was she already on her way to Chile? He didn't even get to say goodbye to her. Natasha let him remove the rest of her lingerie after their lovemaking and then they fell asleep in each other's arms.

He heard the water of the shower running and relief flashed through his body. She was still here. He got hastily out of bed, almost fell because his foot was tangled in the blankets and rushed over to the bathroom. Natasha's back was to him and the water ran down her body over the curve of her ass. He promised himself he would bring the image before him later down on paper. Natasha turned around and smiled at him brightly. His chest fluttered and he grinned at her. She opened the shower door and held her hand out to him. He joined her in the shower , wrapped his arms tight around her and pressed her against the shower wall.

"I don't want you to go" He admitted against her wet hair. She pulled his head down and kissed him. Her tongue pressed against his lips and he happily let her in. They explored each others mouths until they were both out of breath. Natasha tapped on his shoulders and he got her hint and lifted her up so she could wrap her legs around him.

"I love you" She whispered and guided him with her hands into her warmth.

She let him make love to her slowly and gently under the water stream and he watched her the whole time savouring each moment. They would only be apart for a few days but he already terribly missed her. He wondered if Natasha knew _how much_ she meant to him. She breathed his name softly into his ear when she came and the tenderness made him follow her over the edge. She let him wash her hair and body and she returned the favour. Her small and soft hands on his skin felt so nice and he almost weeped at her gentleness. He'd seen her kill men twice her size with these hands but for him she only had loving touches.

He made her a small breakfast and she sat on his lap while she ate it. She buried her face in his neck when she was done eating and whispered sweet nothings against his skin. He brushed his hands over her back and thigh and they were both completely lost into each other. He prayed to God that Natasha and Bucky wouldn't be made. He didn't want to find out what he would do if Nat got captured. He would burn the world down if he had to. They were both so focussed on each other that they missed the knocking on the door.

"Anyone here?" Bucky shouted. Right, he was supposed to meet Nat here.

Natasha moved her head to face him and kissed him with everything she got. He could felt it in the way her lips moved against him.

"I love you " They both said at the same time when their lips parted and smiled at each other.

He took her hand and walked with her over to the door to let Buck in.

"Morning" He greeted them and looked at Nat. "Ready?" He was wearing black pants and a black jacket and Steve could see the knifes and gun strapped to his thighs.

Natasha put her Glocks into her thigh holsters and nodded. She was wearing a new version of her catsuit, curtesy of T'challa, and he had to smile when he thought about how his necklace was hidden under the suit.

Bucky clapped him on the shoulder. "I'll look after her"

Natasha scoffed. " _I_ 'll look after _him_ " Then she gave him a kiss that made his knees buckle and he could feel her smile against his lips.

When they broke apart, Bucky was still staring at the ceiling. "Oh c'mon. Do you know how many times I had to watch you make out with girls?" Steve laughed.

Bucky gave him a look he'd never seen before and shook his head. "We have to go, Natasha"

She nodded and gave him on last brief kiss. "I'll see you soon"

"Be careful you two" He told them and watched them walk down the hall until they disappered around a corner. Natasha smiled at him and then she was out of his sight.

* * *

They were somewhere over the Atlantic. T'challa lented them one of his Quinjets and Natasha was flying them to Chile. He was sitting in the co-pilot's chair next to her. Natasha looked peaceful and had a small smile on her face. Bucky fiddled with his chair. It was weird to be with Natasha alone. She didn't know it but this wasn't their first mission together. And most of the time their missions ended in bed. Not that this mission would. But he felt an ache in his groin everytime he thought about the softness of her skin or how she would melt under his touch or how her back arched off the bed everytime he entered her. He probably hadn't gotten laid since Natalia and he was only a man after all. Maybe he should find a girl after all this was over. Natasha wouldn't be available for him ever again.

"What's eaten you, James?" Natasha asked him and glanced at him out of the corner of her eye.

"Nothing" He lied. "Just thinking about the mission"

"No need to be nervous. It should be child's play for us. In and out and we hopefully find something to make Ross go away" She sat the jet on autopilot and moved her chair to look at him.

What if they would find nothing on Ross? Maybe it was such his retreatement place or something. What if they find something that could bring back everything to the status quo before Berlin? They wouldn't go back to Sweden. Natasha and Steve wanted to go home. The Avengers would reunite and defend the world again. Steve and Natasha would probably look for a house or something. It wouldn't make sense for them to live in separate places when they lived the last months together. Steve would probably ask Natasha to marry him sooner or later. With his luck Steve would probably ask him to help him pick out a ring for Nat. He would come over once a week for dinner and Natasha would try to find a girl for him. He would be Steve's best man at their wedding and would feel a knot in his chest when Natasha would walk down the aisle. Or maybe he would have figured his feelings for her out by then and wouldn't be jealous but happy for the couple.

"James?" Natasha snapped her fingers in front of his face. "You still here?" She laughed.

"Yeah, sorry. I kinda zoned out. Just wondering if we might can go back soon?" He said.

Natasha nodded. "I hope so. I really miss New York and the others"

"Any big plans with Steve if we lose the criminals status?" He faked a smile. He didn't really want to know but he also had to know.

Natasha's cheeks turned slightly pink." We were talking about buying a house near the Avengers facility if they let us rejoin the band. He promised me that the house would have a small dancing studio for me. " Now she was fully blushing. "I danced for him the other day"

He gripped the armchair so tight that his knuckles must have turned white. He hoped Natasha didn't see his reaction. He checked and she wasn't looking at him. She looked at her necklace that now hang out of her catsuit and played with it. It must have been a gift from Steve. He'd never seen her wear it until a few days ago. He could feel the anger rising in him. _He_ promised her he would give her a house. _He_ promised her that she would get a dancing studio. She promised _him_ that she would dance for him. Instead she danced for Steve. He felt betrayed by both of them. He knew that he had no right to feel this way. They didn't know. He realized that he never had the chance to fall out of love with Natalia. Whatever happend ,Hydra buried his feelings and memories deep in his mind but they didn't erase them. He never got a chance to get over her. She did. She didn't remember him but she was free of mind control for the last decade and built her own life. She moved unknowingly on and met Steve and fell in love with him. He hoped he would move on one day as well.

Her necklace was back under her suit and she smirked at him. "Wanna play Uno?"

He buried his thoughts and feelings deep down. One day he wouldn't love Natalia anymore and could be Natasha's friend without pinning after her. He smiled. "Sure"

* * *

T'challa told Steve that he was in contact with Coulson. His and Fury's plan was that enhanced invidiuals and any other skilled people who wanted to use their skills to help could sign up at SHIELD. They would be checked and if they passed the tests, they would be freelance agents of SHIELD. The Avengers would be a division under SHIELD and with that they had the jurisdiction to enter foreign countries that needed help. Steve didn't like it but he could see the point that countries regarded them as invaders when they were under no jurisdiction. Most of the Avengers were American, it might have really looked like they wanted to invade the country for America. SHIELD already rebuilt their offices all over the world with native deputies directors and got funding from the countries the offices were in. They needed an UN resolution to revoke the Sokovian Accords and Ross was too admired at the moment to get enough votes. People around the world wanted the Avengers to reunite but politicians were still undecided. And Secretary Ross was still fully supporting his name sake and they needed a powerful country like the US to campain the new UN resolution.

If Coulson could garantee one hundred percent that SHIELD was hydra-free and the Avengers would have the veto to turn missions down that they considered unethically than but only than would he join the Agency again. Peggy helped found SHIELD and it broke his heart when he had to bring it down. Her idea of SHIELD was honourable and what the world needed. He couldn't look down at the people and countries who wanted him and his team to be supervised.

Coulson would announce SHIELD's return in the next week to the world. Apparently they saved the world a few times without the public knowing and he hoped that the reveal of those missions would get SHIELD back into people's good graces. President Ellis and other leaders would announce their support for SHIELD after Coulson's press conference. This was the first step to revoke the Accords.

Steve hoped that everything would go well and Nat and Bucky would return with dirt on Ross.

* * *

Natasha landed the Quinjet on a field in the Chilean jungle and they walked miles through the tropic forest to get to Ross' farm. Up and down hills, through rivers and cut their way with machetes through the thicket. It took them hours to get there. Bucky wanted to offer Natasha to take breaks or to carry her because he couldn't imagine that a non enhanced human could hike that long without exhaustion but she looked fine. Not out of breath, she had a bit of sweat on her forehead but he was sweating as well. Did the Red Room give her a serum as well? Was it part of the graduation?

"We're almost here" Natasha grabbed his bionic arm causing him to stop and he turned around to her. It was pitch black and even with his enhanced eyesight he could barely see her if it wasn't for the light of her phone she was currently looking at. " Latest Wakandan satellite scans show no habitants or security."

"Good. Then let's go"

They crossed the field behind the farm. Bucky suspected that their appearance would alarm the farm animals but they were no animals. It's was completely silent expect for their breathing and the noises from the jungle. It was weird that a farm had no animals but no animals meant no one would came to feed them.

Natasha was staring at her phone again. "There is no wifi. Nothing. Just a normal alarm system. Weird"

They walked to the back door and flashed their lights through the windows but the blinds were down. Natasha pulled a knife out of her holster and cut the wires of the alarm system. He doubted that someone would hear the alarm but the noise would be annoying while they searched the place.

He kneeled down and picked the lock. Natasha drew her weapons out of her holsters and walked into the house. They searched the rooms but everything was clear. It wasn't a big house. Two bedrooms, a living room, kitchen, bathroom and an office. The furniture looked old and cheap. Bucky didn't know about Ross but he would have chosen another place for his retirement.

Natasha turned the light on. "Okay. Let's start here and then swipe the stables"

He nodded and went to check the kitchen. Nothing. Just dishes and beer in the fridge. He went to the first bedroom. Also nothing. He was about to check the next bedroom when Natasha called for him from the office.

He sprinted to the office and Natasha was pushing the desk to the side. He went to help her but she was already done when he got to her. For such a small person she was pretty strong. She rolled the persian carpet away that the desk was standing on and a hatch came to sight.

"Jackpot" Natasha smirked and opened it. They flashed their lights into the basement and could make out file cabinets. She went down the stairs first and he almost ran into her when he got down as well.

"Fuck" Natasha whispered.

"What?" He looked up to where her flashlight was pointed at.

There was desk with an old computer and over the PC at the wall was a skull with six octopus legs.

"Ross is Hydra" He couldn't believe it. The fucker was a Nazi.

They walked down the rest of the stairs. Natasha went to the computer and turned it on.

"Makes sense" She said with her back turned to him.

"It does?"

"Think about it. With the Accords he has full control over the Avengers. He can send them on Hydra missions. Enhanced people have to sign up and wear a tracker. Hydra knows the locations because Ross has access to these lists. Absolut control"

She was right. With the Avengers and or people like Johnson Hydra would be unstoppable. He wondered how Stark would feel that he was a pawn of Hydra.

He could see that Natasha was currently trying to hack the computer. So far she seemed unsuccessful. He began to look through the file cabinets and found a letter exchange between Ross and a Gideon Malick. They weren't stempled so he assumed they left the letters here for the other one to find. Smart. That way no one could get their hands on the letters besides them.

"Does the name Gideon Malick ring a bell with you?" He asked Natasha.

She looked over her shoulder at him. "He's a councilman. Why"

He waved a letter at her. "He and Ross are pen pals. He's Hydra too."

Natasha whistled. "Wow. Take pictures of the letters."

"You know what just accured to me?" Natasha asked while typing on the keyboard." We never heard about the Accords until Lagos. And who did we track down in Lagos? Rumlow!"

Bucky grunted. He hated that prick Rumlow. He was always there when Pierce wanted to talk to him.

"Rumlow was Hydra" He said.

"Exactly. He bombed himself in Lagos. If Wanda wouldn't have thrown him in the air a market full of hundreds of people would have died. Including Steve. Ross could have argued that the Avengers without their leader needed to be led by a special task force. By him. But Wanda saved Captain America and he used the accident she caused to promote his cause. Secretary Ross dislikes gifted people and was probably easily sold. Didn't matter that the kid saved more people that way"

"Motherfucker" Natasha was probably right. He wanted to rip Ross into pieces. He planned to kill Steve. That alone was reason enough for him to murder him.

"I'm finally through the firewall" She sighed and connected her phone to the PC. "Let's check the other cabinets for intel before we can send the data on the phone to SHIELD and T'challa"

He found more mission reports on secret Hydra missions and plans on how to use Maximoff and Vision as the ultimate weapons of mass destruction. He felt sick. The ways how they wanted to break Wanda were horrible. She was his friend. He wouldn't let Hydra get their hands on her again.

"James?!" Natasha's voice sounded strange. She was with her back to him going through one of the cabinets at the other side of the room.

She turned around and she had a shocked and confused expression on her face.

"Did you know about this?" She lifted a photo with her right hand up.

He looked at it. The picture showed him and Natasha. No, him and Natalia. They were standing in a busy street. They were kissing. _Assets have been compromised_ was written on it.

His facial expression must have told her the truth. "You knew about this!" She was mad.

"Yes" He nodded.

* * *

Leave a review:)


	25. Chapter 25

Thank you for your reviews, faves and follows!:) Means a lot!

Why do I feel like you will be yelling at me after you read this chapter...

* * *

XXV.

"Since when do you know about this?" She waved the photo of them in the air.

"The memories came back since New Year's" He couldn't look at her. He could hear in her voice how upset she was. He felt terrible.

"New Year's?!" She shrieked. "That was over two months ago" She plopped down in the office chair.

"You should have told me!" She yelled and then stared at the picture.

"Does it matter?" He gave her a bitter laugh. "You're with my best friend."

She looked up at him. "Were we in love?" She whispered.

"Yes. We wanted to run away together and start a life somewhere new." What was the point to keep lying to her? He remembered how Natalia snuck into his bunk on the night of her 18th birthday and told him that she wanted him to marry her one day. And how he laughed and told her that he should be the one proposing. How they made love on his cot and he told her he would buy her a diamond ring one day.

"I lied to Steve" She murmured. She lied to Steve? Wait, did that mean she remembered something?

"I told him he is the first man I ever loved. How lucky I was that my first love is also the love of my life." She had tears in her eyes and Bucky swallowed. He knew that finding out the truth would hurt his friends.

"I have to tell Steve" She said, determination strong in her eyes.

"No! You can't!" He shook his head. "It would only hurt him"

"My life is lies and deceit. I swore myself that I would always be honest with Steve" She wiped a tear away and looked at him with big eyes. "Do you think he'll leave me after he finds out?"

He actually didn't know what Steve would do. But he didn't think he'd leave Natasha. From what Bucky knew Steve waited years to be with her. "He loves you" He assured her. "He wants to be with you"

Natasha shook her head lightly like she wanted to get rid of the dark thoughts in her mind. Then she looked at him with realization her eyes. "That's why you've been so weird in the last weeks. I couldn't put my finger on it. I thought you didn't like me as Steve's girlfriend." She paused." Do you, do you still have feelings for me?"

"I don't know. It's a mess in my head. And heart. I knew I loved you when you were Natalia. You were the one good thing back then" He admitted and Natasha looked at the ground. He sighed. "Before I remembered, you were just my friend who I tried to set Steve up with. I wasn't into you. But then the memories of us came back and... I don't know maybe, _hopefully_ , I'm projecting my feelings for your former self on you. I don't want to be in love with you, Natasha!"

"I don't want you to be in love with me either." She confessed.

"What do you think happend to us?" She was looking at the photo again.

"Looks like they found out. I guess they wiped us and put me back in cryo. You defected and I was sent after a target you protected and shot you." Did Hydra know that she would be the one covering the engineer? Did they get off on it?

"You didn't kill me" She said quietly. "In Odessa. You didn't kill me. You shot your target through me but left me alive. I was the only person who ever saw the Winter Soldier. He didn't leave any witnesses behind. But you let me live. I always wondered why."

The pling of her phone told them that the data transfer was complete. Natasha turned around and unplugged her phone from the computer.

"I'm sending this to SHIELD, T'challa and Stark." She folded the photo and slid it into the backpocket of her suit.

"Natasha..." He began but she put her hand up to stop him.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore"

She walked over the cabinet where she found the photo and pulled a file out of it. "Here, this looks like it's about you. You should have it. SHIELD should be here in a few hours to retrieve the file cabinets. Let's go"

She walked up the stairs and he stared after her for a moment. He took a deep breath trying to calm himself and followed her.

She kept ignoring him during their way back to the Quinjet. He tried to get her to talk to him but she just scoffed and walked away. Should he have told her about them as soon as he remembered it? He still was convinced that Steve and Natasha not knowing would have been the best solution. But clearly Ross knew about their relationship. Would he use it against Steve? Would he do the same thing Zemo did and use his past to destroy Steve's life? After a few hours they heard choppers in the air. He looked up and saw the SHIELD eagle on the side of the helicopters. They would collect the files and soon the world would know that Ross was Hydra. They reached the jet after another few hours. Natasha chose to ignore him during the flight back to Wakanda. He gave his efforts up to talk to her and opened the file Ross had on him and began reading.

* * *

Steve was with Wanda in Sam's suite and they were playing Mario Kart when one of T'challa assistants informed them that Nat and Buck found something. He handed them each a file and left them.

He opened it and his breath got caught. He saw a picture that must have been taken by Bucky because Natasha's back could be seen. And before her was the Hydra logo printed on the wall.

"Holy fuck. The dude's Hydra" Sam exclaimed and Wanda looked shocked.

Steve needed a moment to collect himself. No matter what he did, Hydra came always back. Like a fucking cockroach. He scanned the the file briefly. Ross worked with other high Hydra members for years to make the Accords happen. They influenced world leaders for years to get them behind. There was a part that indicated that Ross sent Rumlow to kill him. Without Captain America the public would have hopefully lost their faith in the Avengers and support the Accords. There were detailed plans for Vision and Wanda to make them carry out Hydra's orders. With these two under their thumb, Hydra would be unstoppable. He looked at Wanda. She didn't seem to have read the part yet about the torture that should have made her comply. He felt a ice cold chill running down his spine. They would have started with the programming at the Raft.

They were still reading their files when T'challa was suddenly standing in front of them. Wanda was the first to notice. "T'challa"

Steve and Sam looked up and the king sighed. "This is even worse than I could have ever imagined"

Sam nodded. "That's so fucked up! Fucking Ross. Saying we're dangerous and need to be controlled and he's working on a new Nazi world order."

T'challa sat down next to Wanda and informed them that Natasha and Bucky were already on their way back. They would be here in a few hours. He couldn't wait. All he wanted to do was bury his face in her hair and hold her. He also told them that SHIELD confiscated tons of files at the farm and Coulson changed his mind and would be announcing SHIELD's return today.

T'challa excused himself because he needed to talk to his political staff about the next steps.

An hour later Wanda turned the TV on full volume when CNN interruped their normal program with breaking news.

 _Coulson was seating at a desk and behind him was the SHIELD logo._

 _"Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen. My name is Phil Coulson and I am the director of SHIELD. After Captain Rogers brought down SHIELD to destroy Hydra, we've been working on rebuilding the agency. We spent the last years to track down Hydra cells and brought them to justice. I am aware that a lot of you do not trust us yet again. But I promise you that we will be your SHIELD. Your line of defense. Twenty years ago I took an oath to bring peace and protect humanity and I can guarantee that my agents and I take this oath very serious. Our agents will be checked reguarly if they are involved with terrorists organistations and I am glad to announce that SHIELD is hydra-free." He paused. "The same can't be said about the CIA. SHIELD discovered along with Wakanda Intelligence services that Everett Ross ,a CIA operative and author of the Sokovian Accords, is a member of Hydra. He planned an attempt on Captain America's life and wants to use the Avengers and everyone else who signed the Accords as Hydra's pawns. SHIELD will be releasing the evidence as we speak. Thank you" Coulson nodded and the screen went black. Jake Tapper looked down right confused. "We'll update you as soon as we get new intel"_

Wanda turned the volume down and looked at them. "Do you think the Accords will be changed?"

"They better be! Unless 117 countries want to be Nazi allies" Sam said.

They started to discuss possibly scenarios when the German chancellor appread on screen and Wanda put the volume back on.

 _"Germany is as shocked as the rest of the world at the revelations in the last hour. I spoke to my cabinet and we all unanimously agree that Germany will withdraw its support of the Sokovian Accords!"_

Wanda gasped.

 _"The history of our country has dark spots and it's our duty as Germans to make sure it never happens again. We can not support a resolution made by Nazis to enslave human beings to use them to shape the world after their ideology. We sincerely hope that the other UN members will join us. We demand the arrest and prosecution of Everett Ross and everyone invovled" The reporters shouted questions after her but Merkel already left._

"It's beginning" Steve whispered and Wanda and Sam nodded.

CNN showed Secretary Ross on his way to the White House ignoring questions if he was a member of Hydra. All members of the EU withdrew their support of the Accords. T'challa appeared on screen and annouced the end of his support as well. More and more countries wanted to appeal the Accords and demanded an UN meeting as soon as possible.

An hour later President Ellis stepped out of the White House.

 _"The US will follow their allies and withdraw their support of the Sokovain Accords. As Republicans and Democrats agree our proud nation cannot support Hydra and its fanatism. Secretary Ross assured me that he had no idea that Hydra is behind the Accords and an investigation will hopefully confirm it. Until we know for sure, Paige McCallister is the acting State's Secretary. If Captain Rogers and the rest of the Avengers who refused to sign are listening right now, I hope you accept my deepest apologies. The US will make sure that all of you will be pardonned and return to your homes. You helped us so many times. Now it's our turn to help you."_

Steve turned the TV off. His head was buzzing with thousand of thoughts. Could they really go back? Did they have to sign another version of the Accords? Should he make a statement? Did Bucky and Nat already know about all this?

"Does that mean we can go back?" Wanda's voice was barely audible.

Sam took her hand. "Looks like it, kid"

Steve wanted to tell her to be patient but then his burner phone beeped and he got a text. Only one person had the number.

 _I think my mom would have wanted me to do this. It's the right thing. And Dad would have probably wanted me to do this too. I hope I'll see you all soon._

Tony. What did he mean by that? What did he do? He wanted to text him back and asked him but then he got a hunch and turned the TV back on.

 _Jake Tapper had his finger on his ear peace and listened. "This just in. Stark Industries released information about the identity of the Winter Soldier who is credited with dozens of assassinations over the last decades. His name is Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes ,childhood friend of Captain America. He didn't fall in the war but was captured by Hydra and tortured and brainwashed. You can find the files on SI's homepage but viewer discretion is adivised. Some images are deeply disturbing."_

"What?" Sam asked confused.

"Tony released it. To help Bucky." He whispered and could hear how shaken his voice was. Tony was offering them the olive branch.

"Wow" Wanda breathed. "That's a lot to process. All of this. For months nothing happens and then everything happens all at once"

All channels interrupted their program to report about the recent events. Statements and tweets of politicians, stars and other influential people were shown that called for the appeal of the Accords and the return of the Avengers.

An old woman told a story about how Bucky saved her and her family in 1940 in France by shooting a Nazi who wanted to kill her father and rape her mother and older sister. She demanded the pardon of Bucky. "The Winter Soldier is not Sergeant Barnes. The man who saved us that day would have never willingly done such horrors. I will forever be grateful that he saved us. Sergeant Barnes is a good man. A war hero and he should come home" The clip had over five million views in less than an hour. The woman's granddaughter filmed her and shared the video on social media. The hashtag #bringbuckyhome was trending.

General Talbot appeared on FoxNews. Steve remembered that Nat once told him that he was a huge pain in the ass. Talbot also demanded that Bucky should be granted full immunity. "I've seen with my own eyes the torture and brainwashing of those Hydra pigs. Barnes is a victim." Steve didn't know why Nat didn't like Talbot but he could have kissed him after that statement.

The Attorney General released a statement that no American court would prosecute Sergeant Barnes with the current evidence. The UN Secretary-General annouced a referendum for next week to deselect the Accords and said that he hoped that all members would do the right and ethical thing. Tony himself tweeted that he does not want Barnes to be prosecuted for his parents' death.

Ross seemed to have fled the conference in Peking and was in the wind. SHIELD promised to bring him in.

Steve's head hurt from all the information and he excused himself to go back to his suite to take a nap. He hoped that Nat and Bucky would be back when he woke up.

* * *

Natasha was staring out the windshield and visibly tensed everytime he looked at her. He left the cockpit and went to the end of the jet to read the rest of his file. So far it wasn't new information, missions were listed that he remembered. But then he got to the part about the Red Room. Natalia's class was the first one the Winter Soldier trained. Apparently they already knew very soon that Natalia was special and they wanted him to turn her into the perfect killer. He read about reports of their missions and Hydra praised their efficieny. But then he found the passages that suspected that the Winter Soldier cared about the Black Widow. "Soldat refuses to go on missions without Romanova. The Asset is possibily breaking through program". They were followed by Hydra agents from that on and one day they got that picture of them. They wiped him and put him back into cryo. Hydra made Natalia watch the whole process and then starved her for weeks before they wiped her too and send her on missions again. "Romanova was shown picture of Asset and brain waves showed no activities of recognition".

After he was done reading, he went to Natasha and left the file in the cockpit. "It's your history too" He went back to the end of the Quinjet and stared at the wall.

Twenty minutes later she joined him. "Why do you remember and I don't?"

"I don't know. Maybe your mind is protecting you." He shrugged. He thought about this before. Maybe deep down she didn't want to remember all of her past and built a wall around her memories.

She sat down next to him and hugged her legs with her arms. "I always thought I didn't want to love someone because I wasn't deserving of love. After all the horrible things I've done. Maybe I closed by heart off for years until Steve because it was broken" She gave him a sad smile and then leaned her head against his shoulder. "I'm sorry I don't remember us"

"It's okay. It's probably better" He looked down at her. "Would you have let Steve in if you'd known?"

She shook her head. "Probably not. It will break his heart when he finds out that we loved each other once"

"He doesn't have to know. I don't want him to know. You're everything he ever wanted" He said.

Natasha sat straight up and looked at him. "I will not lie to him. I have to tell him the truth. He needs to know and deep down you know I'm right. I can't lie to him for the rest of my life. I love and respect him too much for that"

Bucky always protected Steve Rogers. Since the moment they met. Always looked out for him and now he would break his heart.

"We'll be in Wakanda in two hours. I have to be the one to tell him" She said and went back to the cockpit.

* * *

Steve couldn't fall asleep with all the thoughts running wild in his head. He was laying on the bed and staring at the ceiling. He was tempted to turn the TV on to see if they were any new news but his brain couldn't handle more. He figured if they would announce anything important Sam or Wanda would come and tell him.

How long would it take until they could go back? Maybe even next week? No, they couldn't leave yet. Bucky's triggers weren't completely removed and Wanda didn't even begin to look for Nat's. Maybe they could continue the sessions at the Avengers Facility. Tony would definitely help Natasha but what about Bucky? Would he be willing to live with Bucky under the same roof? Would the public and politics really be okay with all of them being Avengers again? Could Bucky join them? Would other countries join the Attorney General 's decision to not prosecute him? What did Bucky even want? He knew that Nat wanted to go back and be an Avenger again. And he wanted to be Captain America again. But what about Bucky?

Steve groaned and rubbed his hands over his face.

He heard the door open. "Steve?" Natasha was back! He jumped off the bed and ran into the living area and cupped her face with his hands crashed his lips to her. God, he missed her so much. They had so much to talk about! About their future!

Natasha pulled from the kiss away. "Steve..." He kissed her again. They could talk later. Kissing was more important. Her lips felt so soft and good against his. Did he ever tell her that?

He felt her push him away with her hands on his shoulders and he immediately pulled back. Right, she couldn't hold her breath as long as him. He hoped she got soon enough air in her lungs so they could go back to kissing. And make love. Then make love again. And then they could talk. Maybe make love again.

His hand was already on the back of her neck to pull her back to his lips when he noticed her glistening eyes.

"What's wrong, Nat?" Did something happen to her? Was she hurt? She didn't look hurt. Was Bucky hurt?

She pulled something out of her back pocket and handed it over to him. He could now clearly see the tears forming in her eyes and his heart started racing. Was she okay?

He began to unfold the paper which felt like a photo.

"I swear to you that I don't remember any of this" She started crying and he went to hug her but she stepped back. Now he was completely confused. Why didn't she want him to comfort her?

"Look at the photo" She whispered and her voice sounded hoarse. He wanted to kiss her tears away and to tell her that whatever was going on, he would fix it for her.

He unfolded the picture. He was looking at a kissing couple. No, he was looking at _Natasha and Bucky_. _Natasha and Bucky were kissing._ Wait what was going on? _Assets are compromised_ was written under the photo. What the fuck was he looking at.

He looked at Natasha and tears were streaming down her face. "What is this, Nat?"

"We need to talk, Steve" She choked out.

* * *

Natasha and Bucky used to be a couple. While he was in a deep sleep in the ice his best friend and the woman who would become the most important person in his life were in love. Man, God had a fucked up humor. He fell in love with his best friends's girl. He fell in love with Bucky's girl. While his pal was being tortured by Hydra he warmed his way into his girl's heart. Natasha repeated again and again under tears that she didn't know and didn't remember any of their relationship. He believed her but it didn't change the fact that she was Bucky's girl _first_.

And what would happen if Natasha did remember eventually? Would she be with Bucky? Why should she stay with him if she could go back to Bucky? The charming and funny guy all the girls were smitten by. Who would want Steve Rogers when they could have Bucky Barnes? Every girl always wanted Bucky. Except Peggy, she wasn't interest in his friend. But he and Peggy weren't meant to be. She was meant to be with her husband Daniel and he thought that he was meant for Natasha. But how could be compete with Bucky? He felt like the little kid from Brooklyn again. _Did you really think a guy like you would get a dame like her?_

And their love had to be extraodinary like it came right out of one of those romance novels Clint and Wanda liked to read. They were both programmed to feel nothing and yet in their darkest time they fell in love with each other. How could his love compare to that?

He was still staring at the photo. They both smiled into their kiss. They were happy. They went through hell but when they were together, they were happy. He wanted to scream. It wasn't fair!

He could feel Natasha's eyes on him. She wasn't crying anymore but still sobbing.

"Did Bucky know?" He whispered, still unable to stop looking at the picture.

"Yeah" She answered in a tearful voice. "The memories came back when he found out we were together"

That was two months ago! Bucky knew for two fucking months that Steve was with his girl and didn't do anything about it. Did he wait for Natasha to remember so he could swoop in and get her back?

They were still standing by the door. Five minutes ago he was the luckiest man in the world because his girl was back and they could finally start to plan their future together and now everything was ruined. He finally found enough courage to look at Natasha. She looked so sad. He felt sorry for her but he also hated her at that moment. Why did she let him fall in love with her when she would never be fully his? She told him one night while they were sitting on a bench in the royal gardens that he was the first and only man she ever loved. The only man she'll ever love. Lies, it were all lies. She didn't know it then but she wasn't telling him the truth. _Bucky was the first man she ever loved_. Steve didn't get that special place in her heart.

Natasha lifted her hand and reached out for his face. He automatically stepped back causing Natasha to flince and she let her arm fall back to her side.

"I love you, Steve. Only you. Nothing can change that. I'll always love you" She sounded almost defiant.

Steve couldn't help but let an ugly laugh escape his mouth. "You say that now. But it's only a matter of time until you remember your feelings for Bucky and want to be with him."

Natasha looked like she got hit. "Don't tell me what to feel. I love you, Steve. I want to be with you and only you. Whatever was between me and James is in the past. If I loved him so damn much as you allege, don't you think I would have remembered him ages ago?"

He looked at his feet. He was being unfair, he knew that. But he was so scared that he was about to lose the love of his life to his best friend.

"Steve, look at me" He did and could see that her facial expressions softened. "I know that this is an unique situation for us. But since I found out, not once did I start to question my feelings for you. I know who I love and it's you!"

"What did Bucky say?" He asked and he was afraid to ask his next question. "Is he still in love with you?"

Natasha gave him a look that answered his question. Fuck. Of course he was still in love with her. How could he not? She was perfect.

"He says he loves Natalia. He doesn't know what it means about his feelings for me - Natasha" She whispered.

His love for Natalia wasn't gone. That meant if Natasha would start to remember, her love for Bucky would return as well. Of course it would. Wouldn't that be the most fucking epic love story of all time. Romeo and Juliet move aside, here are Natasha and Bucky. Long lost lovers finally reunited.

He turned on his feet and stormed to the bedroom. Natasha quick on her heels followed him. He grabbed a suitcase and started to throw his clothes in it. Natasha begged him to talk to her but he blocked her out. He needed to get out of this suite. He got to the bathroom and got his toiletries. He couldn't sense Natasha behind him anymore. When he left the bathroom she was standing in the living room and shaking. He wanted to run to her and pull her into his arms but he couldn't. He just couldn't. Not anymore. Everything was different now. He moved to the door and grabbed its handle.

"Please don't leave, Steve. We can sort this out" Her voice was so broken it made his stomach twist. Damn, why did he have to love her so much?

"I can't do this, Nat. I'm sorry" He opened the door.

"Don't leave me, Steve!" She yelled and he shut the door behind him.

"Steve come back!" She sounded so desperate.

He could feel the first tear running down his face.

* * *

Bucky didn't know what to do. After they landed in Wakanda Natasha left immediately to talk to Steve. He was anxious about their conversation. He prayed to any deity listening that Steve and Natasha would be okay. He didn't want to damage their relationship. He may didn't know how he felt about Natasha but he did know that he wanted her to be happy. And she was happy with Steve. And Steve? God, he was his brother. Steve brought him back, gave up everything to save him. Bucky would die for Steve in a heartbeat. Hurting Steve was the last thing he'd ever wanted to do.

He needed to talk to someone or he would go crazy. Wanda? She was a sweet kid but he didn't want to burden her with more of his problems. And she was too young to understand the whole scenario. Which only left Sam. He groaned, great! But who else was here to talk about this?

Bucky sighed and went to Sam's suite. "Dude, you're back" Sam grinned and moved aside to let him in.

"Man, are you already up to date? There are breaking news pretty much every minute. Steve's in his room if you're looking for him. "Sam smirked. "Or wait a bit. Like a few hours. I'm sure he and Nat are thoroughly celebrating." He gave him a wink." If ya know what I mean"

Of course, Bucky knew what he meant. But he seriously doubted they would be "celebrating" anytime soon.

"Bucky" Sam put his hand on his bionic shoulder. "The US grand you full immunity. You can go home, buddy"

What? What happend in the last 20 hours since they left Ross' farm? He didn't had to pay for his crimes? But that didn't matter now. Only Steve and Natasha mattered now.

"That's great, Sam" He said with no joy in his voice.

Sam raised an eyebrow at him. "Are you okay?"

"Natasha and I used to be together" He blurted out. "Back when we worked for the Red Room"

Sam stared at him with wide eyes and plopped down the couch. "I thought you only had a crush on her."

Bucky drove through his hair with his hand and walked over to the bar of Sam's suite and poured himself a bourbon and emptied the drink in one gulp. "We fell in love and wanted to run away. We got caught and both got wiped. I'm the only one who remembers"

Sam looked like he was trying his hardest to process what he just heard without commenting on it. "Are you gonna tell them?" He finally asked him.

Bucky gave him a short laugh. "Natasha found a photo of us in Chile. So I had to tell her the truth. She's telling it Steve as we speak"

"Fuck" Sam whispered and he could only nod in agreement. Fuck indeed.

"This will break Steve" Sam looked at him. "He thought for years that Natasha could not possible return his feelings. That she was way out of his league. Didn't matter that I repeately told him that I thought she was into him. He'll think that she'll want to go back to you."

"That's why I never wanted to tell them about it" Bucky yelled.

Sam wanted to say something but was interrupted by a loud pounding on his door. He got up and opened it.

Steve was in the door frame and looked devasted. His eyes were red and his face looked like he was in deep pain. Bucky wanted to punch a hole into the wall.

"Hey, Sam. Can I crash on your couch for a few nights?" Steve asked quietly.

"Sure, man" Sam let him in.

Steve didn't seem to notice him until he got into the room and spotted him by the bar. His jaw was clenced and he started at him.

"Steve..." He began but Steve raised his hand to stop him.

"Don't. I can't talk about this"

"I'll leave you alone" He said and walked by Steve and Sam without looking at them to the door.

"Buck?"

Bucky turned around and Steve's face was full of remorse. "I'm sorry I fell for your girl"

He expected Steve to scream at him, maybe beat the shit out of him but he never ever thought Steve would say this.

* * *

"Do you want to talk?" Steve could tell from Sam's symathetic tone that Bucky told him everything. He shook his head. What was there to talk about? He would lose Natasha. And Bucky. The possible removal of the Accords and the return to New York didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered anymore. He was such an idiot. He was already picturing their life in New York. Buying a house near HQ or an apartment in Brooklyn and then he wanted to ask Natasha to marry him. Poof, all dreams were gone.

"It hurts to talk" He simply said. "I just want it to stop hurting. I think Natasha and I are over"

"What makes you think that?"

He scoffed. "She forgot that she loved Bucky? They didn't break up or anything, they were wiped. Their feelings for each other never had a chance to go away!" He was practically now screaming at Sam and Sam didn't move an inch. "And I walked out on her when she begged me not to leave her. I'm pretty sure that we just broke up" He buried his face in his hands.

"What am I supposed to do?" He whispered into his hands. "I love her so much!"

Sam sighed and moved him to sit on the couch. "I think you need to let everything sink in. Your emotions are going haywire right now. But let me tell you this: Natasha loves you. I think she is in love with you since DC. And her love has nothing to do with her past with Bucky."

He knew that Natasha loved him. What he was afraid of was that she would realize that she loved Bucky more.

Sam gave him sleeping pills and pulled a blanket over him. "Get some sleep to clear you head, buddy!"

The couch was too short for him to strecht his legs, so he had to lay in an uncomfortable postion but the pills soon knocked him out.

* * *

Wanda knocked on his door at six am. Bucky was already awake or rather he was still awake. He couldn't sleep. He threw a shirt over and let her in.

"The cat's out of the sack?" She asked him and pushed a coffee into his hand.

How did she know? It was already midnight when he and Natasha came back. Did Natasha come to her to have a girltalk? He saw enough movies in the last months to know that was a thing.

"The emotions were overwhelming last night. I could feel Steve's pain. And Natasha's pain" She looked him with compassion in her eyes. "Your pain"

He sat down on the couch and gulped the coffee she gave him down. She put bourbon in it. Sweet kid.

"I'm sorry the three of you have to go through this" She plopped down next to him and squeezed his hand with hers. Her hand looked so tiny compared to his.

"I don't want to talk about it" He mumbled and hoped that Wanda wouldn't push.

"I know. I'm here to tell you that with Ross being Hydra, the UN wants to revoke the Accords next week. And that you won't be prosecuted. I watched the news all night. Not only the US are going to grant you immunity but every other country ,that the Winter Soldier committed a crime in, won't go after you. They will sign an agreement at the UN referendum. It's over, Bucky" Wanda gave him a sweet smile " You're free"

Bucky could feel his jaw drop open and Wanda giggled. Despite Steve and Natasha's reassurements that the world would see him as a war hero and not a brainwashed superassassin, he always assumed that he would end up in a cell with no windows for the rest of his life. He could move on, make amends. Start to wipe out the red in his ledger like Natasha. _Natasha._ Would Steve and Natasha be by his side? Were they okay? Would they be okay?

Wanda stood up and straightend her dress. "Let's go have our session. It's time to remove your last trigger, Sergeant Barnes"

* * *

Steve woke up with a post-it on his head from Sam. _Be soon back. Pancakes are in the microwave._

Feeling his stomach growling, he got up and went to the kitchen to reheat the pancakes. Was Sam with Natasha? Steve realized that she didn't really have anyone here to talk. Clint was in Canada and Steve.. He was maybe,probably not her boyfriend anymore. The microwave made a ping and he sat down at the small kitchen table to eat. He loved pancakes but they tasted like nothing. Was he already so lovesick that food lost its taste? But he had to eat to keep his metabolism going. He just finished his breakfast when he heard his phone ringing. _His burner phone._ He pulled it out of his bag and flipped it open.

"Tony?"

"Spangles! This is the third time I'm calling you!" Tony sighed and it sounded like he was chewing something. Wasn't it still night in New York?

"What do you want?"

"How soon can you be in Manhattan? Better yet, tell me your location so I can send a private jet to get you!"

What? "What?"

"President Ellis wants you there when the UN repeals the Accords. It's not official but all 117 members will vote for the appeal. As a sign of good will and the beginning of healing Ellis wants you there. He guarantees that you will not be arrested" Tony sounded excited. "It's time to come home, Cap"

"What?" Jesus, was that the only word he knew? "What about the others?"

"They can return when the Accords will be annuled. All of you won't be criminals anymore. All charges will be dropped." Tony said.

Holy shit. It was finally almost over. Could he leave though? When his love life was shattered. God, Tony didn't even know that he and Nat were together. Were they even still together?But he needed to think about the others. Sam, Wanda, Clint and Scott. And Natasha. They all deserved to go home. They risked everything for him. He needed to pave the way for them to get their old lifes back.

"I'm in Wakanda. How soon can your jet be here?" He eventually asked.

Tony laughed. "In Wakanda ?Why am I not surprised. A SI private jet can be in Birnin Zana in three hours. I'll let T'challa know"

"Thanks, Tony"

They hung up and Steve called room service to ask for something. The items arrived shortly after and he went into the bathroom. He shaved his beard off and dyed his hair back to blonde. It was time to become Captain America again.

Sam came back when Steve stepped out of the bathroom in his new and old look. "I thought only women got makeovers when they are lovesick."

Steve glared at him and Sam raised his hand in an apology. "But what's up with the new old you?"

"Tony called. I'm going back to New York for the annulment of the Accords"

"Oh wow. It's really happening"

Steve nodded. "Yeah. As soon as the Accords are gone, the rest of you can follow without any fear of prosecution. This nightmare will be soon over"

"Are you gonna talk to Nat before you go?" Sam asked him and Steve shook his head. He couldn't deal with this right now. He needed to clear his head to fix everything for the Avengers.

"I was just with her. I've never seen her like this before." Sam frowned slightly at him. "She's heartbroken."

"I need to focus on the UN right now" Steve's voice was sharper than he intended. He didn't want Natasha to hurt. God, no. But there was nothing that he could do for her right now. He couldn't pretend like nothing happend. Like Natasha and Bucky weren't connected in a very intimate way.

"Could you go back and grab the rest of my stuff?" He shyly asked Sam.

Sam was disappointed. He could see it in his eyes. "You can go yourself. She's not there. She went to the gym"

Steve nodded and put his hand on Sam's shoulder. "I'll see you soon in New York"

He went to the suite to get the rest of his things and tried very hard to block out everything that belong to Natasha. The trash can was next to the bed and was full of tissues. Did she cry herself to sleep? He was about to take the sketchbook with him that only contained sketches of Natasha but decided to leave it here. He didn't need a reminder of their time together. He would just keep looking through it and break. Should he leave her a note? No, Sam would tell her where he went.

A car was waiting downstairs for him to get him to the airport. T'challa left him a letter with the driver. He wished him the best and that he would see him at the UN referendum in two days.

The private jet was already waiting for Steve when the car arrived at the airport. He thanked the driver and greeted the pilot.

He just wanted to sit in one of the comfy chairs and raid the minibar. He might not could get drunk with it but he could still feel the burn in his throat.

He walked into the cabin and noticed that he wasn't the only passenger.

"Good to see you, Steve"

"Sharon?!"

She smiled brightly at him and patted on the seat next to her.

* * *

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	26. Chapter 26

XXVI.

He felt like Atlas. Finally the weight of the world was removed from his shoulders. The last trigger was gone. He could never tell Wanda how grateful he was. Just a simple thank you wouldn't be enough. He promised himself that he would always look out for her.

He was finally free. No one could ever force him again to do something against his will.

Wanda's energy left his mind and she sank back against her chair. "How do you feel?"

He couldn't help but beam at her. "Amazing. I feel free!" He took her hands and pressed kisses on her knuckles."Thank you, Wanda!"

The gesture made Wanda blush and he let go of her hands. He didn't want to make her uncomfortable.

"We should go to the others and tell them" She said and stood up. "Maybe it will cheer everyone a bit up"

He nodded and opened the door for her. He completely forgot about Steve and Natasha. He was so happy that his triggers were finally gone that his thoughts about them were pushed away. But now everything came back to him. How heartbroken Steve looked when he showed up at Sam's place and asked if he could crash on his couch. Did he and Natasha break up? He hoped they didn't. Not because of something that happend over ten years ago.

Wanda knocked on Sam's door who immediately opened it. Steve wasn't to be seen.

"I removed all of Bucky's triggers. They are all gone!" Wanda grinned proudly and Sam gave her a small smile.

"Good job, kid! I knew you had it in you!" He moved aside to let them enter.

"I'm happy for you, man!" He clapped Bucky on his back when he walked past by him.

"Where's Steve?" Wanda asked.

Sam sighed and threw himself on the couch and moved a bit to the side to make room for Wanda. "He left"

"To make up with Natasha?" Wanda asked hopefully and Sam shook his head.

"He's on his way to New York"

What now? He was going to New York? NOW?

Sam must have seen his incredulous expression. "The President wants him there for the Accords annulment. Tony set a jet an hour ago for him" He told them.

"Did he talk to Natasha before he left?" Bucky wanted to know. The punk wouldn't leave without saying goodbye to his girlfriend right? Right?

"No, he left that part to me. I had to tell her that he was going back" Sam was angry and Bucky couldn't blame him. How could he just go without talking to Natasha? She must be a mess.

Wanda looked worried. "How did she take it?"

"She just stared at me and then nodded and turned around to keep destroying a punching bag. I think she's still in the gym" Sam pressed his palms against his forehead. "I never thought I would say this but I'm disappointed in Steve. I know he's hurt but doesn't he know how much he's hurting Natasha?"

Should he go downstairs and talk to her? Did she even want to talk to HIM? Wasn't he the reason she and Steve were at odds? What could he do to fix it?

Wanda patted Sam on the knee and got up from the couch. "I'll go and look after Nat" She nodded at Bucky and left.

* * *

Steve didn't sit down next to Sharon but took the seat opposite her. Slight disappointment crossed her face but it was gone as soon as he spotted it.

"What are you doing here?" Tony didn't mention that Sharon would be on the plane. He had hoped he could wallow alone in his misery for some time and then get his act together for New York.

Sharon smiled at him. "Since the CIA knows that Ross is Hydra, they let me off my punishment. I'm now the CIA liaison officer for the Avengers. We'll be seeing each other a lot from now on." Her whole face lit up but Steve didn't pay a lot of attention to it.

"Congratulations, Sharon" He nodded at her. He felt terrible after he learned that the CIA found out that she helped them in Berlin and that she got transfered for disciplinary reasons to Tokyo. He also felt terrible that he kissed her when he had no romantic interest in her. He hoped that Sharon wasn't too mad at him. They didn't talked about the kiss during that one phone call they had after he and Bucky settled down in Sweden so he assumed the kiss also didn't mean anything to her. He shouldn't have kissed her one day after Peggy's funeral and he especially shouldn't have kissed her when he was already in love with another woman. His fierce Natasha. Was she even still his? He should have talked to her before he left for New York. He only wanted to be with her. He only loved her. He hoped he was the only one she loved. Maybe her feelings for Bucky were truly gone. Did he make a terrible mistake?

He was so deep in thought that he didn't notice that Sharon was talking to him. He snapped out of his mind when he felt her foot lightly brush his calf. "You still with me?"

"Yeah" He looked at his calf and she blushed and pulled her foot back to her seat.

"Good, then let's brief you in" She tossed him a couple of file. "I need you to read them"

Sharon brought him up to date about current politcal events, terrorist cells, HYDRA and finally told him that there would be no new Accords for the mean time. After the scandal with HYDRA, the UN wanted to let the Avengers operate on their own for a while so HYDRA couldn't inflitrate them. When all Avengers were back, the world and the agencies expected them to jump right back into action. It took the whole flight from Wakanda to New York to get Steve briefed on everything. He missed a lot in the last months.

"I'll see you in the compound" Sharon said to him when he walked her to her car at the airport. She told him that she would move into the Avengers Facility.

"I'll see you, Sharon" He said politely and Sharon kissed him on the cheek before she got into her car. He didn't feel anything when she pressed her lips on his cheek. He did feel everything when Natasha kissed him on his cheek after she gave him Bucky's file at the graveyard. He so desperately wanted to grab her and kiss her with everything he got but he was a coward and just let her go. And now he was a coward again when he walked out of their suite in Wakanda when she begged him to stay. God, his ma would be so disappointed in him.

"Cap!" Steve's head turned into the direction the voice came from.

"Happy! It's good to see you again!" He walked with his bags over to him.

"You too. Tony is still in a meeting. He'll meet you at the hotel." Happy grabbed his bags and put them into the trunk of the limo.

He opened the car door for him and Steve got in. He immediately went for the minibar and pulled the first bottle out. Vodka, of course. He sighed and emptied the mini bottle in one sip. Hogan was already sitting in the driver's seat and gave him a funny look through the rearview mirror.

"Long flight" Steve lied and Happy nodded.

Happy spent the whole drive to the hotel to complain about that kid from Queens. Steve learned that the kid's name was Peter and Tony told Happy to look after him. Happy may have been bitching about his task but Steve could hear in his voice that he cared about the boy.

They were at the hotel in 15 minutes and Happy gave him his room keys."The public doesn't know you're here, so try to keep a low profile until the referendum. Boss will be here in an hour."

Steve was already at this room when Happy turned around. "Oh and boss left you a gift" He grinned and the elevator door closed.

He dropped his bags in the hallway and looked around the room. It was a two bedroom suite with very luxurious interior. He didn't want to know what Tony paid per night. He walked into the master bedroom and stopped dead in his tracks.

On the bed was a shield. It looked exactly like the old one but without the scratches from Black Panther's claws. On top of it was a note.

 _Steve,_

 _You made the shield into a symbol._

 _I know my father would want you to have it back._

 _I want you to have it back._

 _Tony_

Steve was speechless and so moved. He knew that it couldn't have been easy for Tony to begin making a new one after what happend in Siberia. He promised himself he would never let Tony down again. This was Tony's sign that he moved on and he would always use this shield to make Tony and Howard proud.

* * *

It took hours for the neurologists to do their tests and scans until they were certain that Bucky's brain was trigger free and undamaged. It only needed one final test to be one hundred percent sure. He needed to hear the triggers to see if he would turn into the Asset or stay himself. Naturally, Natasha was the only one in the palace who spoke Russian besides Bucky. He was sure that he was the last person that Natasha wanted to see.

The door of the exam room opened and Wanda walked through. "I don't speak Russian only Sokovian but Nat thinks it's close enough for the right pronouncation" She gave him a shy smile. He had to stop himself from grimacing. Of course she didn't want to see him and sent Wanda.

The doctors strapped Bucky to the chair and the guards made themselves ready to attack. Wanda turned to them. "I'm positive that he won't turn into the Winter Soldier. If he does against all odds, I'll be the first one to throw him through that wall" She pointed at the wall behind his chair. The guards nodded but none of them changed their position.

Wanda picked the paper with the words up and began to read them out loud. She said the first word -nothing. She said the second word -nothing. By now he would have usually felt something like a pull in his mind. Like the Winter Soldier pulled Bucky Barnes back into his mind to break through. But he could feel nothing.

Wanda read all ten words out loud. "Bucky?"

"Yeah, I'm still me, kid" He nodded and she wrapped her arms around his neck. When was the last time something hugged him? She pulled away and the cuffs were opened by her red magic. She beamed at him and he couldn't help but smile back. He was finally free!

The head neurologist told him that he could leave and he and Wanda got up to get some ice cream. She said that ice cream was the only acceptable way to celebrate. She never once mentioned how Natasha was doing. When they were done eating Wanda excused herself and Bucky figured that she would go back to Natasha.

* * *

Steve took a shower after he found Tony's gift and then stared out the window. He had a good look over Central Park. He could see kids running around, people walking their dogs and couple holding hands. He wondered what Natasha was doing right now. She was probably asleep since it was already night in Wakanda. He missed her terribly and he was in so much pain. The beating he took from Tony in Siberia was nothing compared to it. He always imagined that Natasha would be by his side when he would return to New York. How they would stroll through Central Park and he would suggest they take the subway to Brooklyn to look for the right neighbourhood for their new place. And how Natasha would roll her eyes at him and call him a sap but have this small and sweet smile on her face while they walked through Brooklyn. He imagined he would buy her a milkshake at a dinner where the waitresses call you honey and sweetie and then take her back to a hotel room like he was in now and make love to her. He groaned and cursed his eidetic memory. He could see Natasha naked, arching her back, moaning and gasping right before his eyes. How her full lips formed an O when he entered her and how she smiled at him when he started to move in her.

He shook his head to get Natasha out of his mind. Tony would be here soon and he didn't want to greet him with a tent in his pants. He would never let him hear the end of it. It would be worse than 'language'. A few minutes later someone knocked on the door. Steve left his place at the window and walked through the hotel suite to get the door.

"Spangles" Tony grinned at him and let himself in.

Steve closed the door. "It's really good to see you, Tony" And it really was good to see him. Seeing Tony with his own eyes in front of him really meant that the Accords were as good as gone. God, the moment was almost here. And it was good to see someone that had no idea about the mess that was his love life.

"It's good to see you too, Steve" Tony gave him a short hug. "You like my gift?"

"Tony... Thank you. I can't tell you how much it means to me!"

"It's yours. Always has been, always will be." Tony simply said and walked to the bar to pour himself a drink. "You want one?"

"Sure, why not" If Tony was suprised at his acceptance of a drink at three pm he didn't show it. He handed him a glass of bourbon and took a seat on one of the the dark blue velvet couches. Natasha would like these sofas. Would she have chosen a similiar couch for their own place? Would he never get to know how Natasha would decorate their home? He pushed the thought away and took a seat on the other couch facing Tony.

"How are the others? You still living with Barnes and Nat?" Tony asked him and his eyes sparkled with mischief when he mentioned Natasha's name.

"We were with Wanda and Sam in Wakanda. Wanda is working on removing Buck's triggers"

Tony looked impressed. "Is she successful?"

Steve nodded and Tony whistled. "Is there anything that kid can't do? Oh god, Peter is gonna crush so hard on her when he meets Wanda. Or maybe he'll be more into Nat. You know same species." Tony was grinning but then he looked serious. "Steve, there is a room for Barnes at the compound. Not a cell, an actual room. I don't know what he likes so it's just the basic furniture for now. He can put into the room whatever he wants."

"Tony, that's... Wow that is so kind of you!" Steve was moved. He didn't need to offer Bucky a place to stay. And no matter his current situation with Bucky and Natasha, he wanted them both safe. And the best place for that was the Avengers Facility for now. If Bucky proved himself to be stable, he could get his own place.

Tony waved him off. "What's done is done. We all need to move on." He looked almost coy. "I'm in therapy now. One of the conditions of Pepper taking me back. I'm doing better now. I'm at the point where I can let go of my anger"

Steve nodded. "Tony, you are an amazing guy"

"Hey, I'm already taken" Tony smirked and took a sip from his drink. "Speaking of redheaded beautiful women. You finally made the moves on Nat?"

Steve had feared that Tony would ask him about Natasha. He didn't want to tell him about him, Natasha and Bucky. God, he was in a fucking love triangle. He groaned and Tony arched his eyebrow.

"It's complicated" He eventually said and bless Tony, he didn't dig any further. He must have noticed that he didn't want to talk about Nat. Man, therapy really changed him.

Tony stayed for another hour and talked him through everything. Ross was still not found but SHIELD was right behind his tail. Apparently they almost caught him twice already and Coulson was positive that it would only be days until they would bring him in. Secretary Ross denied any connection to HYDRA and swore that he didn't know that the other Ross was one of them. Tony said that he wouldn't be surprised if the Secretary knew about HYDRA's involvement in the Accords but simply didn't care. He told him that Ross' daugher was the ex-girlfriend of Bruce and that after his accident Ross tried everything to weaponize him for the military. That's why Bruce was hiding in India before he joined the Avengers. He didn't want Ross to find him. Apparently Thaddeus Ross had this dream of a superpowered army that could bring other countries to its knees. With the Accords he could have built such an army and that's why he wanted to know where Thor and Banner were.

Steve would have lunch with President Ellis in his hotel room because the President wanted Steve's appearence at the UN to be a surprise. So basically he couldn't leave his room in the next 32 hours, great. Being alone in this room with all his thoughts sounded like a splendid idea. It wasn't like he was heartbroken or anything. Tony and Steve would be both present at the referendum and shake some hands. Then they would leave NYC to get back to the facility. Tony would send a jet to Wakanda for the others so they would arrive in the evening. Tony offered Clint and his family one of his houses to live in but Clint decided to stay in Canada, he didn't want to change the lifes of his children so drastically again. They had friends there and went to a good school.

Tony was already half out the door when he turned around to face Steve. "Hey, I know this little romantic Italian restaurant a few miles away from the compound. You should ask Natasha out and take her there when we're all back together."

Steve sighed. "I'll think about it"

"Let me tell you that place is magical. Pepper and I didn't even make it back to the compound. We drove into a forest and well... you know" Tony winked and walked to the elevator.

Steve rolled his eyes and closed the door.

* * *

The next day Steve had lunch with President Ellis and he assured him that everything would go back to the status quo before the Accords.

"You proved again that we should trust your instincts. You refused to sign the Accords because you disagreed with them and were right in the end. I am sorry I didn't look further into it, Captain Rogers""

"Who could have known that HYDRA was behind it, Sir"

Ellis told him that he decided to let Secretary Ross go and he would announce it one day after the referendum. At the referendum the UN Secretary-General would hand Steve the signed annulment of the Accords and an agreement that no country would prosecute Bucky. The President hoped that he and Tony could give a short statement to the public before they left for the compound. He also told him that all files of those who signed the Accords have already been destroyed and the NSA and SHIELD were currently hacking into HYDRA servers to delete them there as well.

The president played with his wedding band. "My wife has been supporting me for over 27 years." He smiled. "Always got my back and built me up when I was down. Do you have someone in your life? Who loves you and supports you? Who protects you and looks after you? Who was with you in the last months? I can imagine it was a hard time for you"

 _Natasha._ Steve nodded. "Yes, Sir. I have."

Something on his face made Ellis smile. Oh no, did he have the "Natasha is so dreamy and I'm so in love" look on his face. Sam named it that, not him! Sam claimed he looked like that everytime Nat called him to check on him while he and Sam were looking for Bucky.

"Why don't you and Miss Romanoff join me and my wife for dinner at the White House when the dust has settled down?" Ellis was still smiling.

Wait what? How did he know?

Ellis laughed. "It's Miss Romanoff you were thinking about when I talked about my wife, isn't it? Remember when you and the Avengers came to the White House for tea last spring? You only looked at Miss Romanoff. I don't think you remember much of that day besides her"

Steve felt his cheeks get warm. Natasha wore a pretty knee-length blue dress, she rarely wore dresses,and had her red hair in her natural curls. She looked so beautiful that day.

"Don't be embarrassed. When my wife is in the room, I only pay attention to her as well." He grinned. "Don't worry your secret is safe with me"

The President left shortly after that and left Steve with his thought about Natasha alone. Did it matter that she was in love with Bucky when she was a teenager? No, not really. Shouldn't he be glad that the two people he cared about most in the world found love with each other when they had nothing else? God, he overreacted when Natasha told him everything, didn't he? He had no right to be mad at her. She didn't know that she loved Bucky once. If she was still in love with Bucky, wouldn't that love brought her memories of him back? The only thing that mattered was that he loved Natasha and Natasha loved him. So Steve made a decision. He would do everything to win her back, to earn her forgiveness. And if he had to kneel to beg for her forgiveness. He didn't care, he'd do anything for her. And if she would leave him one day for Bucky, he would have to learn to live with that. But he wouldn't go down without a fight.

* * *

One of T'challa's assistants informed them that the king was on his way to New York and that Stark would send a jet tomorrow morning to bring them to New York as well. Bucky assumed the jet was meant for Natasha, Sam and Wanda. Would T'challa let him stay in Wakanda? Should he go back to Sweden? Could he take a regular flight? Would he even get through security with his arm?

Wait, Sam just said something to him. "Huh?"

"Dude, are you listening? Remember to pack everything tonight, so you don't have to do it tomorrow. We leave at 5 am"

Bucky just stared at him. Why would he need to pack his things? He highly doubt that Stark wanted him on his jet.

"You're coming with us!" Sam pointed at the letter that the assistant left. "We are all going back!"

What? Stark wanted him in New York as well? He didn't deserve his kindness.

They were in Wanda's suite playing a video game sans Natasha. She had been avoiding him since they came back from Chile and he couldn't blame her. He was responsible for her misery. He hoped he would find a way to get Steve and Natasha to make up. Bucky overheard Wanda telling Sam that Natasha didn't want her to try to remove her triggers. She didn't want Wanda to accidentally bring her memories of Bucky back. She was scared that Steve wouldn't believe her that she loved him when she remembered her time with Bucky.

Wanda left an hour later to check on Natasha and to stark packing. She was excited to go back and when Sam asked her if she was excited to see Vision, she looked angry and only said that he let them take her. He gave Sam a questioning look after she left and he told him that she meant that Vision let them take her to the Raft.

Bucky went an hour later to his suite and began to pack his stuff. He didn't have that much. They only took personal items and a few clothes to Wakanda. The rest was still in Sweden but it was stuff that could easily be replaced. He was almost done when he heard a knock on the door. He went through the living room to get it.

"Natasha!" He was more than surprised to see her. He thought he would see her tomorrow on the plane and already dreaded the thought that she would be forced to spend eight hours with him in a small private jet. He didn't want to make her even more uncomfortable.

She was wearing a robe, slippers and her hair was in a bun on top of her head. She gave him a shy smile. "Can I come in?"

"Sure" He moved to the side to let her in. "Look, I am so sorry. Is there anythi-"

"I remember us" She gave him a look he'd never seen her give him before. She remembered them? When? How? What?

"I started to remember after Steve and I had that fight. During the night the memories came back." She explained and stared at her slippers. He'd never seen her so unsure. He didn't say anything. He wanted her to keep talking.

"It was all a blur in the beginning" She took a few steps towards him. "But then it was like a curtain got lifted. Everything was there."

She looked up at him and her eyes shoned so beautiful at him. He took a deep breath. He had no idea where she was going with this. He couldn't stop looking into her eyes. She looked at him like she did all these years ago when she was his Natalia.

"James" She smiled at him and then leaned forward and closed her eyes. She softly pressed her lips against his. Steve! They couldn't do this. She was Steve's girl. She loved his best friend. Natasha's small hands moved to his neck to pull him closer to her.

All thoughts of Steve left his brain when she started to suck on his lower lip. Natasha was the only thing on his mind. He spun her around to push her against the door and kissed her with everything he got. Natasha's hands moved to his jeans unbuckling his belt and pushed his pants down. He unloosed the knot of her robe, it fell off her shoulders and she was naked underneath it. She looked so beautiful. He pulled his shirt over his head and Natasha let the robe fall to the ground. She smirked at him, jumped and wrapped her legs around his waist. He grabbed her thighs with his hands and pressed her back against the door. Natasha's hand snuck between them and she guided him into her cunt. They both groaned and he started to fuck into her hard and fast. God, it felt amazing. Her head fell back against the wall while he impaled her on his cock. He never wanted it to stop, it was like they were never apart.

"Natalia" He growled into her shoulder. "You feel so fucking good around me"

She laughed and dug her heels into his ass to make him fuck her harder.

He was so close and from her breathing and the way her cunt clenched him he could tell that she was close as well. They both chased their orgasms when he heard the alarm of his phone.

Wait, what? Why would his alarm ring now? Natasha was disappearing before his eyes. What was going on?

The alarm got louder and louder and Bucky fell of the couch. Fuck, it was a dream. He grabbed his phone and turned the alarm off. He looked at the clock. The jet would be here in an hour.

Oh god, he had a sex dream about Natasha. He sometimes dreamed about their previous sexual encounters but he never dreamed about having sex with Natasha. God, what the fuck was wrong with him? He got up from the floor and took his last shower in Wakanda. A very, very cold shower.

* * *

Everything at the UN went smoothly. Evey nation signed the appeal and just as promised the Secretary-General handed him the annulment and the documents for Bucky's immunity. He and Tony shook hands with important people and posed for photos. Tony wanted him to wear his uniform but Steve decided to wear a normal black suit. Tony wasn't in his Ironman suit, so why should he suit up?

The Secretary-General asked him to say a few words in front of the general assembly. Steve Rogers walked over to the podium but Captain America talked to them. "The last few months have been difficult for all of us. For various reasons. The Accords put a lot of people in danger and forced them to change their lifes drastically to protect themselves and their families. I'm glad to see that once the world saw who was actually behind the Accords, it decided to do everything to revoke them. I promise that the Avengers will always protect Earth against its enemies. It's good to be home."

He got applause but he could see that some people were not entirely happy with his critic of the Accords. He didn't care. He was still convinced that the Accords should have never been passed in the first place.

A chopper was waiting on the roof of the UN building to bring him and Tony back to the compound. All of them were free now. They weren't fugitives anymore. He couldn't wait for Natasha to arrive so he could beg her to take him back.

"When will the jet be here?" He asked Tony.

"In a few hours, I think. Why? You got some plans?" Tony grinned.

"Maybe" He grinned back.

It took them forty minutes to get to Upper New York. The compound was bigger, Tony added a two buildings and another hangar. He excused himself to meet up with Pepper. He would see him at the dinner with the others tonight.

Steve went to his old quarters and everything looked the same. It was like he never left. He kind of thought that Tony would have trashed his place after Siberia. He unpacked his stuff and was about to write down what he would say to Natasha, Captain America might be good at speeches but Steve Rogers wasn't, when FRIDAY interrupted him.

"Captain Rogers. It's good to have you back." The AI greeted him.

"Thanks! It's good to be back"

"Agent Carter asked me to tell you to meet her in the communal kitchen" FRIDAY's smooth voice informed him.

"Thank you. Tell her I'll be there in a second" He would deal with whatever she wanted and then he could continue to write down what he wanted to say to Nat.

The last time he was in the communal kitchen was when they were arguing about the Accords. God, so much had happend since then. Peggy died, he found Bucky, the Avengers took sides, Siberia happend, he broke the others out of the Raft, he and Bucky went to Sweden, Natasha showed up, Natasha almost died and they finally got together. And then they had that ugly fight where he acted like an asshole and left her. He hoped she would take him back.

Sharon was standing at the kitchen counter with two glasses and a champagne bottle. She smiled at him when she saw him and opened the bottle.

"I thought we should celebrate!" She filled the glasses and gave him one. "To new beginnings" She raised her glass.

"To new beginnings" He repeated confused and clinked his glass with hers. He hoped she would be done soon so he could go back and work on his plan to get Nat back. Did he still have time to buy candles and flowers? Should he cook something? His lasagna? He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice that Sharon moved to stand right before him until she took his glass out of his hand and put it on the counter.

"I can't believe we had to wait ten months to do this again" She whispered.

Again? They never drank together before today. Ten months? What was she talking about? _You still don't know a bloody thing about women._

Sharon cupped his face and pressed her lips on his. Woah, what was she doing? He just stood there with his arms by his side, his lips not moving. He only kissed Natasha! It was time to push her away. Sharon tried to open his lips with her tongue. God, didn't she know how to read people? Didn't she notice he wasn't kissing her back?

"Don't you two make a lovely couple!" He would recognize that husky and velvet voice everywhere. _Natasha_

Steve pushed Sharon with enough force away that she hit the counter behind her. "Hey!" She huffed.

He turned around to find Natasha standing at the entry of the kitchen. Her hair was red again and she wore her signature look of black leather jacket, dark jeans and black high heeled leather boots. Her face was emotionless. Like she didn't even care what she just saw. Shouldn't she be clawing his face off? He kissed, well he got kissed by another woman. Shouldn't she be pissed?

"Well, don't let me stop you" She smirked but it didn't quite reach her eyes and left.

"Nat, wait" Steve wanted to run after her but Sharon grabbed his arm.

"Why did you just push me so hard? That hurt! I really thought my boyfriend would treat me better after we spent ten months apart!" She snapped.

Boyfriend? What the fuck? Did she think the whole time they were together? He always assumed that the kiss was an one time thing for her as well. For Christ's sake, he used to have feelings for her aunt. If he didn't sleep for 70 years he might have ended up as her uncle! Didn't she see how fucked up it would be if they were an item?

He pulled his arm from her grip. "I'm not your boyfriend, Sharon" He yelled. "We just kissed once. This time doesn't count because I didn't kiss you back"

He turned around and ran down the hallway. He ignored Sharon who was yelling his name. Where did Natasha go? How was she even already here? The jet was still over the Atlantic. He asked FRIDAY when he was in his quarters. Then it hit him. Natasha took another plane to be sooner at the compound. _To see him_. And she saw him with Sharon. God, did she think he was already moving on from her?

He sprinted down the hall to Natasha's room when he heard something crunch under his feet. He lifted his foot and a necklace was on the ground. The necklace he gave Natasha after she danced for him. He went down to pick it up. The chain was broken. Natasha must have ripped it off her neck. What did that mean? Did she just end things with him for good?

* * *

Let me know what you think


	27. Chapter 27

Thank you for your reviews! I'm afraid this one won't make you any happier. But don't give your hope up;)

* * *

XXVII.

Natasha wasn't with them when they boarded Stark's jet in Wakanda. The sun was just rising and Bucky tried his best not to think about his dream. He couldn't believe he dreamed about having sex with Natasha. He was kinda relieved that she wasn't on the plane. How could he look her in the eyes after this? First he ruined her relationship and then he had a sex dream about her. God, would someone please punch him in the face? What did his dream even mean? Well, he wished that Natasha would remember their time together. It would make it more real, it would mean that it meant something to her. But did he want to be with her? Steve's face crossed his mind - no, he didn't want to be with Natasha. She was with Steve and he was okay with that. Maybe he just needed to get laid. It had been over a decade since the last time a woman touched him. Since Natalia touched him. God, why did everything have to be so complicated?

"Where's Nat?" Sam asked Wanda when she arrived at the airport.

She had a bright smile on her face. "She called in a few favours to get sooner to New York. She wants to surprise Steve and get him back!"

So that's why she wasn't here. Bucky wished her all the luck. Hopefully the punk realized what he had with Natasha and begged her on his knees for her forgiveness.

The pilot informed them that they would fly directly to the Avengers Facility where Stark and Steve would wait for them. He hoped that Natasha would be by Steve's side.

* * *

He searched the whole compound for her. Went through every room, hallway, supply closet, the armory, the infirmary, the offices... He looked everywhere and he couldn't find her. The necklace was still in his hand and he grabbed it tight like it was a lifeline. Was she still here? Did she leave? Where could she be?

"FRIDAY, where is Natasha?" He asked the AI out of breath. He raided the whole place in five minutes. Even for a super soldier that was a bit exhausting.

"I do not know the current location of Miss Romanoff" If Steve didn't know it any better, he could have sworn that FRIDAY sounded angry. Was that even possible?

"Did she tell you not tell me where she is?"

"I'm afraid I'm not authorised to share that information with you, Captain" Now she really sounded pissed.

He hoped he could get FRIDAY to crack when Tony strolled around the corner with Pepper by his side.

"Did you know that Red was already here?" Tony asked perplexed.

"Steve, it's so nice to see you again" Pepper greeted him with a brief hug.

"You too, Pepper. You seen Natasha?" He could hear how desperate he sounded. God, please don't ask me any questions.

Tony blinked at him confused and Pepper raised an eyebrow at him. Why did he get the feeling that Pepper saw right through him and knew that something was wrong.

"Borrowed one of my cars and raced away. She should really consider to audition for the Fast & Furious franchise" Tony said impressed.

She left? Where would she go? Where in New York would she go? Everyone was either at the compound or on their way. Was she on her way to Clint? No, he didn't think so. It would take her hours to drive to his house in Canada. If she wanted to get to Clint, she would have taken a Quinjet. So, where was she going?

Pepper tilted her head to the side and studied him closely. He was sure that her thoughts were going in the right direction. He always wore his heart on his sleeve and Pepper knew how to read people. She wouldn't be such a successful CEO if she didn't.

"Steve, did something happen between you and Natasha?" She softly asked.

He could only nod and tears started swelling in his eyes.

"Ha, I knew-" Tony began but Pepper elbowed him in the rips. "Hey, what did-" He stopped when he looked at him. "Oh boy, what happend?"

"I think I lost her" He sniffled.

Pepper hugged him again and patted his back. "I'm sure it's not so bad"

Her kindness made him break and he told them everything. They were standing in the hallway of the office complex and he just talked and talked. He told them that they got together, that she and Bucky used to be in love, that he walked out on her and that she saw Sharon kiss him just minutes ago.

"Wow and I thought our relationship was complicated" Tony quipped and Pepper shot him a death glare.

"Did she tell you where she wanted to go?" He asked hopefully. He would take one of the cars and follow her.

Tony and Pepper both shook their heads. "Sorry buddy. Just said hello and then asked if she could take a car" Tony said.

Fuck. Wait a minute. Couldn't Tony make FRIDAY tell him where Natasha went? It sounded like FRIDAY knew where she was.

"I think FRIDAY knows where Nat went" He muttered under his breath hoping the AI couldn't hear him.

"Is that true?" Pepper asked. "FRIDAY, tell us where Natasha is."

"Like I already told Captain Rogers I am not authorised to share that intel" The AI replied smoothly without the snark this time.

"Come on. Do it for the romance!" Tony urged the AI on.

"It's classified information. None of you are cleared. I'm sorry boss"

Tony's eyebrow shot up and Pepper looked confused. Classified? All of them had the same clearance level at the facility. Unless Tony degraded him but FRIDAY would have told Tony where Natasha went. She was obliged to tell him everything. Unless of course...

"SHIELD" Steve said. "She left to get to SHIELD. Is there a SHIELD office in New York?"

* * *

The property of the facility was gigantic. Bucky could spot four bulidings, three hangars and two training grounds from his window seat.

Wanda was poking Sam in the arm to wake him up. The guy slept through the entire flight after he had an exhausting talk with his mom on the phone. She expected him in two days in DC at her door step or she would come and put the wrath of God into him. Sam looked both horrified and amused by that threat.

He was slowly waking up. "Okay, you can stop poking me now. Ow"

"But it makes so much fun" Wanda pouted and kept poking him. God, the kid spent too much time with Natasha.

He winced at the thought of her. Would she be standing right next to Steve waiting for them at the landing field? Did they already make up? He sure hoped so. He hoped all three of them could move on.

They landed a few minutes later and Sam was the first who left the plane. Stark, a strawberry blonde woman and a man on crutches were waiting for them. His name was Rhodes if Bucky remembered correctly. No Steve and Natasha though. Maybe they were still making up somewhere with flat surfaces.

Stark went immediately to Wanda and she looked worried and insecure. He didn't want to kick Stark's ass, especially after all his kindness but he promised himself that he would look after Wanda and if Stark made Wanda uncomfortable they would have a problem.

"I am so, so sorry, Wanda! I thought I was doing the right thing... I thought I was protecting you. But I was wrong. I am sorry" Stark almost stumbled over his words.

Wanda surprised Stark by raising on her tip toes and hugged him. "I forgive you. You forgave me for Ultron. We're okay, Tony"

Stark was visibly moved and nodded at her. Out of the corner of his eye he could see that Sam was talking to Rhodes. Sam told him that he was responsible for Rhodes' injuries but Natasha said that Vision shot Rhodes out of the sky. Where was that weird red dude anyway?

"Where is Vision?" Wanda asked coldly and the lady next to Stark moved over to her and rubbed her arms.

"He's at the Pentagon. Helping the military with their servers. It's good to see you, sweetie"

Stark coughed to get his attention. Bucky slightly panicked. He tried to come up with things to say to him during the flight but he came up with nothing.

Stark walked over to him and held his hand out. Bucky just stared at it. "I know your brain is scrambled eggs but I thought you still knew what a handshake is"

He just blinked at him confused. Steve mentioned once or twice that Stark had a certain sense of humour. He automatically took Stark's hand and shook it.

"I'm Tony Stark. Nice to meet you" He simply said.

Bucky's brain stopped working at that moment. What was going on? He kind of thought round two of Siberia would happen.

"Um"

"Call me Tony. I had time to deal with everything. I can't forgive you but I want to move on. I like to meet the guy my father wrote about in his journals"

"Um, Bucky Barnes" He blurted out but then he caught himself. "I don't deserve forgiveness. But I'll do anything to make amends"

Tony nodded. "Then you're at the right place... Bucky"

He was introduced to Rhodes who wanted him to call him Rhodey and to Pepper Potts who smiled at him kindly and wanted to know how his flight was.

They walked into one of the buildings and ended up in a spacious living room with couches, a tv as big as the wall, pool tables and an actual bar. Tony and Sam poured everyone drinks and even Wanda got one despite her age but only after Miss Potts gave Tony a sigh because he playfully withdrew the glass everytime Wanda tried to take it.

"Where are Steve and Natasha?" Wanda asked before Tony could start with his toast.

He shrugged. "Natasha went back to the city and Steve is chasing after her"

What now? He didn't follow. Did they have a fight again? Did Steve upset Natasha? What was going on? "What happend?"

Tony looked at him. "Well, Steve didn't swore us to secrecy, so... Natasha apparently came sooner than Steve expected. Pep and I assume she wanted to talk to Steve about you know... " He gave Bucky a pointed look. Did Steve tell him about his past with Natalia? "Anyway, he didn't know that she was already here and Red saw him kissing Sharon."

He could hear Wanda gasp and Sam grunted quietly. Steve kissed another woman?! What the fuck was wrong with him? Natasha was perfect, didn't the idiot see that? God, he wanted to punch him. And also who the fuck was Sharon?

Wait, the blonde from Berlin. The blonde he kissed in Berlin. Did he have feelings for her after all?

"Sharon kissed Steve, honey. There is a difference." Pepper corrected him.

"Po _ta_ to, potato. Their lips were touching!"

"Oh boy, if Clint finds out, he gonna chop Steve's dick off" Sam whistled.

"I'm sorry what?" Rhodey asked after he almost choked on his drink.

"Clint promised Steve that he would castrate him if he broke Natasha's heart" Wanda explained. "And something tells me that he wasn't really joking"

Right now Bucky considered to help Barton with the task. Fucking punk!

* * *

Steve missed her by five minutes. He saw a Quinjet leaving the roof of the SHIELD building when he was driving towards it ,he just didn't know that Natasha was on board.

And getting into SHIELD was also a huge pain in the ass. He knew that the agents were just following their orders when they told him that he had no clearence to enter the building but it took all his willpower to not just punch his way through.

He could tell that the lower agents were baffled and flustered that Captain America was standing before them but they were loyal to SHIELD and didn't let him in. He wasn't a SHIELD agent anymore. After putting his "I'm disappointed in you, son"- face on, one agent called upstairs and he finally, fucking finally, was granted entry. He was escorted to Coulson's office where Agent May informed him that he and Natasha left minutes ago and to bring Ross in.

Coulson wanted Nat to use her interrogation skills to get Ross to talk. The HYDRA cockroach was spotted in a small town near Lisbon. Should he fly to Lisbon? Would SHIELD get him there? Should he drive back to the compound to get a Quinjet? God,why did Tony have to sell the Tower? He could have gotten into a Quinjet in 10 minutes and follow her.

"Why are you even here, Rogers? I don't remember Coulson mentioning you. He only needed Romanoff" She looked at him wary.

Um. What was he supposed to say? He raced from upper New York to Manhattan like a maniac to crawl on his knees to get Natasha back? Yeah, that's not gonna happen.

"I was hoping they would be still here, so I coul join the mission. Ross and I have unfinished business." _You're a terrible liar,_ Natasha mocked him in his head. It wasn't technically a lie. He had unfinished business and he would have loved to bring Ross in. He wanted to ram that hobbit into the ground.

"You can talk to Ross when he's in custody here in New York." May said and escorted him back downstairs but not before giving him a visitor's pass. "So you don't scare our level 2 agents anymore" She smirked.

And now he was standing outside SHIELD and didn't know what to do. He couldn't just go to Portugal and show up at whatever place they planned to interrogate Ross. It would be unprofessional and embarrassing for Nat. He knew how hard she worked to be respected among the SHIELD agents. He looked at his phone and sighed. It was 7:34 pm. Wanda, Sam and Bucky were about to land or maybe had already arrived at the compound.

Bucky, he should talk to Bucky. It would take him two hours to get back to HQ with a car.

Somehow he wouldn't be surprised if Clint was already hiding in a vent to turn him into an eunuch. With an Quinjet it took only three hours from Clint's house to the compound and if Nat called him after she caught him and Sharon.. well, Clint could be already waiting.

* * *

Steve got stuck in traffic and arrived late at night at the compound. It looked like everyone had already gone to bed.

He prayed to God that he didn't run into Sharon. He was so mad at her. How on earth could she think that they were together in the last months. They talked on the phone once for maybe five minutes and kissed briefly in Berlin. That was it. Okay there was this awkward flirting after Peggy's funeral. What was he even thinking? Peggy wasn't even buried yet and he flirted with her niece. He only talked to Sharon to find out more about her time with Peggy and he was trying to distract himself from Natasha. _I didn't want you to be alone._ Natasha came to the funeral even though she knew that he wouldn't sign the Accords. She came for him. He was too afraid to think that maybe her coming to London meant more, that she came because she loved him.

Sharon was just a distraction. She was nice but he would never be interested in her. They barely knew each other, how could she think that he was her boyfriend.

God took mercy on him and he didn't run into Sharon. He would have probably snapped if he saw her.

But Sam was leaning against the door when he arrived at his quarters.

"I had FRIDAY alert me of your return" Sam explained when he saw his confused look. "Thought you might wanna talk"

"That's nice of you but I'm not in the mood" He just wanted to go to bed and hopefully he would wake up tomorrow with Natasha in his arms and they were back in Wakanda and everything was okay. With his luck that probably wouldn't happen.

"Steve?" Sam grabbed his arm and forced him to face him. "Did you kiss Sharon or did Sharon kiss you?"

"She kissed me!" He couldn't help but yell. "She just planted her lips on me and I just stood there and before I could push her away Nat suddenly appeared." He leaned his head against the door, defeated. "I don't want to kiss anyone besides Natasha"

"Good, you're my friend. But Natasha is my friend as well and I would have hated to punch you but I would have done it. I got my girl Nat's back" Sam grinned.

"Sharon thought we were a couple since Berlin" Steve sighed.

Sam's eyebrows almost reached his hairline. "What?! Because of one kiss?"

"Yeah" Steve huffed. "If that was the rule ,Nat and I would have been together for years"

Sam wasn't surprised at that statement. He knew about the escalator kiss. Steve told him about it one night in Prague after another trail of Bucky ended up cold and they went to their shabby hotel room and he started to ramble about Nat and the kiss. It was the first time Steve admitted to himself that he had feelings for her. Not that he told Sam that but the look on his face told him that Sam knew how he felt about Nat.

"Get some sleep, Cap! Breakfast is at nine with the whole gang!" Sam clapped him on the arm and turned to leave. "Oh by the way. Tony and Bucky get along quite well considering... well you know"

Steve sighed in relief and nodded. He was so focussed on Nat that he completely forgot that Tony and Bucky would meet officially after Siberia for the first time. At least one thing he didn't have to worry about.

He let himself into his quarters and went straight to his bedroom. He shrugged his shoes off and fell backwards on the bed. He pulled his phone out of his leather jacket and called the number he tried to reach countless times in the last hours. She never picked up but it didn't went straight to voicemail. So at least her phone was on. Did she stare at the screen and waited for him to hang up?

He didn't think she would pick up but he called anyway. He wanted her to know that he thought about her.

"Rogers?" She answered the call!

"Natasha..." He whispered.

"One sec" She didn't sound angry. He could hear the quiet roaring of the Quinjet in the background and how she excused herself from Coulson. She was probably leaving the cockpit to talk to him in privacy.

His heart was beating like crazy in his chest. It was a good sign that she answered the call, right?

"What's up Rogers?" She sounded like she always did. He couldn't detect a trace of hatred in her voice.

"Natasha, I'am so sorry. I didn't kiss her. She kissed me. It didn't mean anything."

"It's okay, Rogers. Everything is okay" It was? She forgave him? He wished she was here so he could wrap her in his arms and never let go of her again.

"We tried it and it was fun. But it wasn't meant to be, Rogers. Sharon is nice. She'll be good for you" Her voice was completely calm. WHAT?! Was she joking? Was that her punishment for him? What was going on?

"I love YOU, Natasha. Only you. I want only to be with you. No one else matters. Not Bucky and definitely not Sharon! I love you so much!" His voice was shaking.

"Love is for children. And I was never that innocent"

He heard a click, she ended the call. He kept staring at his phone for the rest of the night.

* * *

Let me know what you think. And Amanda A., please don't call the police:D


	28. Chapter 28

Thank you for your reviews, faves and follows!

* * *

XXVIII.

Tony gave him basically his own little apartment at the facility. He had a living room with a kitchenette,a bathroom and a bedroom with view over the forest that flanked the property. Bucky loved his place and he would be eternally grateful to Tony that he took him in after everything.

A knock on his door woke him around 7 am up. He slept like a baby. The mattress had the right rigor and he didn't sunk into it during the night. He rubbed his eyes and patted through the living room to check the door.

Steve was standing in front of him with a frantic and pained look on his face. He had dark circle under his eyes. "Hey... Can I come in?"

"Sure" He nodded and stepped aside to let his friend in. Were they about to talk about everything? He felt sick in his stomach but he knew that they had to have this conversation. He couldn't lose Steve. He just couldn't.

Steve walked to the couch and sat down with a sigh. Bucky didn't know if it was okay to sat down next to him, so he just leaned awkwardly against a dresser next to the couch.

He took a deep breath. "Steve, I'm so sorry!"

Steve smiled at him sadly. "For not telling me or for falling in love with Natas- Natalia?"

"Both."

"I know you're sorry. I guess you were right by keeping it a secret, judging by my reaction." Steve buried his face in his hands. "I just walked out of the door. She begged me not to leave her and I didn't even turn around. Then I just jump on the next plane to New York. I thought putting an ocean between us would help me clear my head and it did." He almost glared at him. "I don't care about your past. I don't care if you're still in love with her. She's mine. You're not getting her!"

He never heard Steve being possessive over anyone or anything. Steve was kind and always put the needs of others before his own. Bucky would've been shocked if he didn't know how much Steve loved her.

"I'm not in love with Natasha" Bucky said and meant it. If he was in love with her,wouldn't he be happy that her and Steve were having problems so he could comfort her, seduce her and make her his again? But he didn't. He wanted Steve and Natasha to get back together. "I was in love with Natalia when we both didn't even know what love was." Steve winced at that.

"Steve, what we had is over. It's been over for over ten years. We loved each other when no one else would. I'll always cherish that. I just need some time to get over Natalia. I never had the chance" He hoped Steve would understand him.

"She never had a chance to get over you as well." Steve whispered and Bucky could hear the fear in his voice.

"She's been free for a decade. She moved on from me without knowing it. She has a new life and found someone she wants to spend it with. I haven't had the chance to get there yet."

"She doesn't want to spend her life with me. " Steve mumbled.

"I beg to differ, Steve. She's crazy about you. She was so fucking scared that you would leave her after you found out about us"

"She wants me to be with Sharon"

What? Now that didn't make any sense at all. He remembered how relieved Natasha looked in her first night in Sweden when Steve told her that his kiss with Sharon in Berlin meant nothing to him. And didn't she storm out yesterday when she saw them kissing?

"Why the fuck did you kiss Sharon yesterday?" Bucky couldn't help but growl a bit. Didn't Steve know how insecure Natasha was regarding their relationship. That she still thought that Steve deserved better and he would realize that one day?

"I didn't kiss her for fuck's sake." Steve was furious. "Sharon just smashed her fucking mouth on mine. Natasha saw us before I could pull her off. The whole thing lasted maybe five seconds. I am not interest in Sharon! Fuck her!" He was now practically screaming.

"Okay, calm down. Don't wake the whole neighbourhood. When did Natasha even tell you that she thought you should be with Sharon? I thought she left right after she caught you"

Bucky could see how tears were forming in Steve's eyes. "I called her a thousand times and then she finally picked up. She said that everything's okay and Sharon would be good for me." He bit his lip to stop himself from crying. "She said love is for children. She broke up with me."

Oh fuck. This was Madame B's mantra for the girls. "Love is for chilren and you are no children. You were never that innocent. You don't deserve to be loved". That hag could be happy that she was already dead because Bucky wanted to rip her limps off.

Bucky left his place at the dresser and pulled Steve up from the couch. "You're gonna find Natasha. You're gonna beg on your knees to forgive your stupid ass and tell her that loving her is the greatest pleasure of your life."

Steve just stared at him dumbfolded. " She sounded completely indifferent on the phone. She's done with me"

It took everything not to roll his eyes at him. "That was her Black Widow persona, you dumbass. Don't you get it? She thinks she doesn't deserve you and all those things happend because of that."

Hope spread across Steve's face. "She still loves me?"

This time he did roll his eyes. "Yes, you idiot. She's just protecting her heart. But you really need to make it up to her!"

Steve nodded. "Yes, yes. I will! I'll do whatever she wants to get her to forgive me. Anything!"

"Do you know where she is?"

"Yeah, I think so"

"Then go to her and make her lose any doubts that she's not good enough for you"

"I can't. She's on a mission for SHIELD. She's bringing in Ross"

A SHIELD mission? Hopefully this one would go smoother than the last one in Yekatarinenburg.

"Then you have enough time to make a plan to get her back" Bucky said.

Steve nodded and looked like he was already in planning mode. Well, they did call him the man with a plan, didn't they.

He walked over to the door and was already opening it when Bucky still had to know one thing. "Steve?"

Steve turned around. "We're okay,pal"

Bucky smiled and nodded. He felt already so much better. He had a new place that would hopefully become his home, new friends and Steve forgave him. Hopefully he and Natasha would be okay next.

* * *

Breakfast with the group was lovely. It somehow reminded him of the Howling Commandos. Sam and Tony were entertaining them with stories about their college days with Rhodey correcting Tony everytime his story made Stark look better than the truth. And Sam playfully covered Wanda's ears everytime Tony's stories got too graphic. Bucky kept glancing at Steve who was sitting at the head of the table, Tony made abundantly clear that Steve was still the leader of the Avengers. Steve tried to participate in the conversation but Bucky could tell that he was thinking about Natasha.

After breakfast Bucky had to go to the infirmary to get checked. Before he could go with the others on missions, he needed to be physically and mentally at the top of his game. He passed the physically test with flying colors. He was almost as fast and strong as Steve, his version of the serum matched Steve's by 76%. They asked him to see the psychologist at the base three times a week to work through his PTSD and his memories. Bucky was more than okay with that. He knew he needed professional help and Dr. Meyers seemed like a nice lady. She wasn't condescending and listened to him without any judgement. He tested her by giving her a rather colorful description about a diplomat he killed for Hydra. She didn't flinch, she just listened. Bucky decided that they would get along and that he would tell her one day about his past with Natalia. Maybe Dr. Meyers could help him to move on.

* * *

Steve excused himself after breakfast to go to his office. The files were piling on his desk and he needed to come up with a plan to win Natasha back. Of course she thought that what happend in the last days was because she didn't deserve him. What nonsense. If anything he didn't deserve her after the stunts he pulled. He loved her so much, he needed her so much. He prayed to any deity listening, Thor are you there?, that she would forgive him and let him love her again.

Natasha would probably stay in Manhattan after they got Ross to keep questioning him at SHIELD. Should he book a suite and throw rose petals on the floor and bed and get her under false pretences to meet him there? Should he show up at SHIELD and beg her on his knees to take him back? Should he wait outside SHIELD with a boombox since Natasha loved 80s teen movies. SHIELD had probably soundproof windows though. Should he wait until she would return to the base? It could take weeks until SHIELD was happy with the intel Natasha got out of Ross. He couldn't wait that long. He was already losing his mind.

He sighed and opened the file of Peter Parker. He had to distract himself and Parker would arrive at the weekend for training. He was halfway through his file when someone knocked on his door. Parker's abilites were amazing. He was still young but having him on missions would make things a lot easier.

"Come in" He didn't look up from the file.

"Steve, can we talk?" Sharon. For fuck's sake, she was the last person he wanted to see. She didn't wait for his answer and closed the door and sat down in front of his desk.

Steve groaned. "What do you want?"

"What I want? We need to talk about yesterday!" Her voice got louder at the end.

"There is nothing to talk about." He barked. "Oh wait there is: never kiss me again!"

Sharon looked like she got slapped. "I don't understand why you are like this! You like me, I like you. Why aren't we together?"

"Because I am not interested in you! I never was!" He could feel how he was losing his patience. If she hadn't kiss him, Natasha and he would be back together and Nat would be now sitting in front of him, going through the files with him and she would tease him until he couldn't take it anymore and he would ravish her on his desk. But no Sharon fucking Carter had to kiss him and cause him and Natasha heartbreak.

"You kissed me in Berlin. You! Not me!" She was upset. "From what Aunt Peg told me about you, you're not the type to just fool around with women! Guess she was wrong!"

Fool around?! He may have been completely inexperienced before Natasha but he knew that fooling around was more than a kiss under a bridge with his two best friends watching. God, the kiss lasted ten seconds and there were no tongues involved.

"It was a mistake. I shouldn't have kissed you back then. Sorry" He said and hoped she would leave.

"In Berlin everything was great! You kissed me and your friends gave you smug looks! And then I kiss you here and Romanoff shows up and you push me away. I have a bruise by the way on my lower back!" She snapped and he did feel guilty for hurting her. He sometimes forgot how strong he was.

He could basically see the wheels in Sharon's head turning like she was putting two and two together. "Is it because of Romanoff?"

He didn't say anything and Sharon began to laugh. "Oh my god. Do you think the Black Widow cares about you? She uses men and throws them away. Everyone knows that! She practically fucked her way through SHIELD!"

He saw red, anger was running hot through his veins. "Get out before I lose my temper!"

Sharon looked shocked but got up. "You're an idiot if you think that she could love you. She's incapable of it. She would only use you for sex"

"Get the fuck out!" He growled and he could see that he scared her. She left his office and slammed the door behind her.

Did Sharon even know Natasha? Uses men and throws them away? Fucked her way through SHIELD? During their parternship at SHIELD Natasha had zero dates. When they got together Natasha told him that she hadn't had been with a man in years and he knew that was the truth. He wanted to put Sharon through a wall for believing those nasty rumours about Nat. He should probably contact the CIA for a new liaison officer. He had no use for one who didn't respect his second-in-command.

I'm sorry, Peggy.

* * *

The CIA was surprised that he asked for another liaison officer since Agent Carter assured that he would be more than happy with her but they promised him that they would send a new one in the next weeks.

Sam left the next day to meet his family in DC and would be gone for two weeks and Rhodey was in Boston for his physical therapy. Vision returned from the Pentagon and Wanda ignored him. Steve almost felt bad for Vision but he could understand Wanda's anger. He knew that there was a little something between the two of them before Leipzig and Steve couldn't understand how Vision could just watch how Wanda got arrested and didn't come for her when she was in the Raft. He would burn the world down to save Natasha.

Wanda, Bucky and Steve met Peter on the weekend after they returned and they all liked him. He was a good kid and a little bit smitten by Wanda. It was kind of adorable and hilarious how Peter smacked against the wall of the training room when he flew around with his webs and Wanda flipped her hair and he got distracted by it. Wanda giggled and Peter got as red as a tomato. Bucky laughed so hard that he had tears in his eyes and Steve tried his best to hide his laughter.

Rebecca Barnes' daughter contacted Bucky and asked him to meet her. Steve could tell that he was torn between wanting to meet her and his fear that she'll hate her uncle because of his past. In the end Bucky decided that he wanted her to get to know him.

"What's her name by the way?" Steve asked him when he told him that he would be in Brooklyn for the next days.

"Jamie. Her name's Jamie" Bucky answered with a fond smile on his face. Steve was moved that Becca named her kid after her big brother. Knowing that Becca always loved him would help Bucky with his recovery, he was sure of that.

They were one week back at the facility when Tony burst into his office while he was doing his evaluation of Parker.

"Spangles!" Tony was out of breath.

"Yeah?"

"They're back! Nat and Coulson just landed in New York with Ross!"

Natasha was back in the States? He would finally be able to see her again? To tell her that he loved her, that her love was everything he ever dreamed about and that she was the only thing he needed.

Tony was suddenly standing in front of his desk and snapping his fingers at him. "Dude, are you listening to me?! I said Quinjet leaves in ten minutes. We're going to Manhattan. So I can annoy Coulson for not telling me he's alive and you can get your girl back. Come on!"

"Right" Steve jumped up and ran to his room to pack a bag.

He would see Natasha in a few hours. Maybe tonight he didn't have to sleep alone anymore. He missed holding her in his arms, her breathing and her scent. The cute noises she made in her sleep. He slept terrible in the last week.

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Leave a comment:)


	29. Chapter 29

FYI: Brutasha never happend.

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XXIX.

The flight from the facility to Manhattan took forty minutes but to Steve it felt like a lifetime. Tony wouldn't shut up about ideas to win Natasha's heart back and Steve did his best to block him out. He didn't see how a gigantic stuffed rabbit is gonna help him win Natasha back. The closer they got to SHIELD the more his heart started racing, he was surprised it didn't jump out of his chest. He wore dark jeans, a grey henley shirt and threw his black leather jacket on. He knew that Natasha liked him in these clothes and he was gonna use every trick to get her attention. He was a desperate man in love.

The jet landed on the roof and Steve could see that Coulson was waiting for them. There was a blonde head peaking over Coulson's shoulder. Natasha? No, she dyed her hair back to red. God, he never had the chance to kiss her hair when it was her natural color. It was probably Morse behind the director. He and Tony walked down the ramp of the Quinjet and Coulson moved to greet them.

Now Steve could see the woman behind Coulson. It was not Agent Morse but Sharon. What the fuck was she doing here? He groaned and Tony gave him a funny look. He didn't tell the others why he asked for a new CIA liaison officer. He was still mad that Sharon said so ugly things about Nat. He could already feel his blood boiling again.

He chose to ignore Sharon. "Coulson, good to see you" He greeted him and shook his hand.

He could see out of the corner of his eye that Sharon waited for him to greet her as well but he kept ignoring her. He just didn't have the patience to deal with her. He was only here for Nat. Oh god, did Sharon and Nat talk to each other?

"You can be glad Pepper is not here, _Phil._ I think she would have thrown you of this roof" Tony said to Coulson and gave him a half-hug.

"I was ordered not to tell you" Coulson smiled sheepishly at Tony. "I really wanted to though"

"I have so many questions for you!" Tony wrapped his arm around Coulson's shoulder and walked with him inside. "Did you see Elvis? Curbain? What did God say when you arrived at the Pearly Gates? Was it 'I thought your first name is agent'?"

Coulson groaned and tried to get Tony back on track and to Ross.

"Steve?" Sharon blocked his way when he tried to follow them inside. Boy, the Lord was really testing him today.

"Get out of my way" He snapped and walked around her. Tony and Coulson already took the elevator and he had to wait until it came back. Great and he didn't know what floor he had to go. But Sharon probably did. Fucking fantastic.

He stared at the elevator doors and could sense that Sharon now caught up to him and was standing next to him. "Couldn't even wait for us."

Steve still didn't pay any attention to her. Some people might consider his behaviour childish but reacting this way was better than screaming at her. _Fucked her way through SHIELD. She would only use you for sex._ He scoffed, wasn't he afraid that Natasha could think he only wanted her for sex because he couldn't keep his hands off of her?

The elevator came back and they both went in. Sharon pressed the button for the 24th floor. They already reached the 28th floor when Sharon suddenly pushed a red button and the elevator stopped.

"Okay, that's enough!" She moved to stand before him. "I can't deal with this silent treatement. Why am I not the liaison officer anymore? Why are you not talking to me?"

"The Avengers have no use for someone who doesn't respect the chain of command. Natasha is my second in command and deserves the utmost respect. You showed that I can't expect that from you!" He went to push the button to get the elevator going again but Sharon stood in front of them, blocking the bottons with her body. God, didn't she know that he could just pick her up and remove her?

"Steve" She sighed. "I am sorry if I upset you. I didn't mean to. Romanoff is a good agent, I never said anything else. She just not a woman you should date. Don't you know what she did? What I said about her is true. Everyone at SHIELD talked about that. She's not good enough for you. You deserve so much more!"

His hands by his sides were curled into fists. "Everyone? Did Fury say that? Coulson? Hill? Or Barton? Or me?"

Sharon shook her head and looked to the ground.

"And if anything, I'm not good enough for her. If I ever hear again that you speak about Natasha like that, you and I are gonna have a problem. I am not gonna let you trash-talk the woman I love. Understood?"

Sharon nodded and moved to the side so he could push the button.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. "Aunt Peggy always spoke so highly of you. I pretty much have a crush on you since I was a kid. Then I was assigned to protect you and then two years later we met again and we kiss... I really thought that was fate. My jealously doesn't excuse my pettiness but I'm sorry"

"You're still not coming back to the facility" Steve answered. He needed her to know that. She was unprofessional and he had no time for that.

"I understand" They reached the 24th floor but only Steve walked out. "I better take a coffee break. I don't want to cause more trouble." She pointed at her head at something behind Steve and the doors closed.

Steve turned around and there she was behind the glass wall. She looked so beautiful. She had her red hair in a ponytail and wore a bomber jacket with the SHIELD logo on. Did she rejoin the agency? No, please don't. Your place is right beside me. Leading the Avengers.

Tony was standing next to her and something he said made her laugh. She threw her head back and when the glass door opened he could hear her deep and velvet laugh. It made him feel all fuzzy in his chest. God, he missed her so much.

Okay, he straightend his shoulders and walked through the glass door. Time to win your girl back, Rogers!

* * *

He realized he was still standing in the door frame and staring at Natasha until a woman with a British accent spoke up.

"Um, excuse me? I need to go in and you're blocking the way, Sir"

He turned around and she seemed to recognize him. "Oh Captain Rogers. I didn't recognize you from behind." She held her hand out. "I'm Jemma Simmons. I'm part of Coulson't team"

He took the offered hand and shook it. "Steve Rogers, Ma'am"

She had a pile of files under her arm. "I take it you're here because of Ross?"

 _No, I'm here for Nataha._

"Yeah"

"Agent Romanoff is going to interrogate him in an hour. Coulson's already very excited. Can't stop talking about how she tricked Loki" She told him while they walked to Coulson, Tony and Nat.

 _Is this love, Agent Romanoff?_

 _Love is for children. I owe him a debt._

There it was again. Love is for children. Where did that come from? Was it a phrase the Widows needed to repeat until they believed it? He thought after New York and before Ultron that Natasha and Clint were together. And that's why he never made a move on her. Okay, he also never made a move on her because he couldn't imagine that Natasha could possibly like him. He always imagined that if he asked her out she would laugh in his face. But then Ultron happend and they had to hide at Clint's farm. And Clint had a wife and children. And the children called Natasha Auntie Nat. And Steve thought that maybe, maybe he had a shot. And at night when everyone was sleeping and he couldn't, he walked outside and found Natasha sitting on the porch in a robe and with wet hair. She turned around to him and patted on the spot next to her and he happily sat down. They were sitting so close to each other that he could smell her shower gel.

 _"Couldn't sleep, Rogers?"_

 _"No, not really. I guess you couldn't either"_

 _She chuckled. "No"_

 _She looked at him with sadness in her eyes. "What did that Maximoff girl show you?"_

 _"Something I could never have. Something I'm not sure I still want" He answered. Because what I want is right in front of me. But he was too chicken to tell her that._

 _"She showed me my past. All the horrible things I did. I spilled so much blood that I could fill a lake with it." She smiled sadly. "I guess Banner's not the only monster on the team"_

 _He was shocked. "You're not a monster, Natasha! Don't ever think that! When you were offered the chance to change your life you took it. You're saving people now. A monster wouldn't have done that"_

 _She seemed amazed by his words. " That's probably not true but thank you, Steve"_

 _He wanted to say more but she leaned her head against his shoulder and the physical contact made him shut his mouth._

He snapped out of his memories when he and Simmons reached Coulson, Tony and Nat.

"Ah you met Agent Simmons. She's one of our brightest minds" Coulson said.

"Ah, you're one part of Fitzsimmons?" Tony asked and she nodded. "I'm gonna need to talk to you later. I'm sure you, me and Fitz will get along perfectly. We geniuses have to stick together."

Simmons nodded, gave Coulson the files and left.

Natasha wasn't paying attention to him or anyone, she was looking at the tablet in her hands. God, he wanted to take the tablet out of her hands and kiss her until they were both out of breath. He wanted to trace her plumb lips with his fingertips and tell her over and over again how much he loved and needed her. But that was probably inappropriate since they were surrounded by SHIELD agents and Tony and Coulson.

"Natasha" He breathed out and he almost expected her to ignore him.

She looked up and raised a perfect shaped eyebrow at him. "Rogers?" Her voice was neutral. It didn't sound loving like it did when they were together or teasing before they got together.

He didn't need to turn to Tony to know that he was watching the whole scene with interest. Coulson was standing next to Natasha and seemed oblivious. Not that he thought Natasha would have told him about them.

"Um, can we talk? In private? Maybe walk around the block?" He managed to stumble out and now Coulson seemed to be interested as well. Oh great.

She looked at him confused. "Why?"

Was she really acting like they never were a couple? Just one and a half weeks ago they couldn't stand the thought of being apart from each other and now she treated him like nothing ever happend between them? He tried to remember Bucky's words. It's her Black Widow persona, she's protecting her heart.

"You know why" He whispered and Coulson kept glancing between Natasha and him.

"I have to prepare for Ross' interrogation" She said and left. At the door she turned around. "Why don't you ask Sharon to take a walk"

"Ouch" Tony whispered. But he ignored him and ran after Natasha to catch her.

"What's going on?" He could hear Coulson ask Tony while he made his way to the elevator. Nastasha was already in it and the doors were closing when he jumped through the gap.

"What?" She sounded annoyed.

He didn't say anything. He only cupped her face between his hands, crashed his lips to hers and pressed her against the elevator wall.

Natasha let a surprised "umpf" out and he took that moment to slip his tongue into her mouth. He could hear that the tablet fell to the ground and then she grabbed the collar of his leather jacket and kissed him back. The elevator could crash down at that moment, he wouldn't noticed. All he noticed was Natasha. The way she felt against his body, the way she smelled and the way her mouth tasted. He poured everything in that kiss. The love he had for her, how much he missed her, how much he needed her, how scared he was and how much he wanted her. He hoped she could feel it. Their tongues fought for dominance and he let Natasha win. She explored his mouth and he moaned into the kiss. He kissed her jaw and moved to her neck to suck on her pulse point which he knew would make her gasp. God, he needed her so much. Could they get away with a quickie in the elevator?

"My Nateshka" He murmured between kisses against her skin and was about to slip his hand into her tight jeans.

He could feel Natasha tense and she pushed him away and picked her tablet up.

"We shouldn't have done that" She said wiping her mouth and fixed her appearance . The elevator doors opened and she walked out.

He couldn't move and just stared at her back until the doors closed again and she was out of his sight. What did she mean? They shouldn't have done that? But she kissed him back. That meant she still wanted him, right?

* * *

"Um, Ma'am?" The Level 4 agent stuttered and stared at the screen before him. He was on duty to check the surveillance footage and right now the feed from the elevator showed Captain America and Black Widow making out.

"Not a word to anyone if you value your life" Agent Hill hissed. "Delete the footage. This never happend"

Damn, she couldn't believe that Nat didn't tell her that she was banging Captain America. Did Fury know about this? How would he take it that America's favourite son was groping his deadly protégé? It was no secret that Nick was fond of Natasha. He was probably the only one who would disapprove of Captain America as a boyfriend.

Man, too bad Steve was taken, he had a nice ass.

* * *

Tell me what you think:)


	30. Chapter 30

This chapter is rated **M**

* * *

XXX.

The elevator took him back to the 24th floor without him noticing it. He didn't know what to make out of what just happend. Didn't she want him back? Was she already moving on from him? But she let him kiss her so that meant she had still feelings for him right? He came back to earth with his thoughts when the elevator doors opened and he was faced with a smug looking Tony and a shocked Coulson. Right, they could tell what happen between him and Natasha by his swollen lips and heavy breathing. Fuck, he didn't need Coulson to know about this.

"So I take it, it went well" Tony smirked and stepped with Coulson into the elevator.

"Not now, Tony" Steve warned. He really, really didn't want to talk about it. He needed to get to Natasha and talk to her. That was the only thing that mattered. He shouldn't have kissed her without talking to her first. Maybe she thought he was now messing around with her and Sharon. God, he really thought that once he and Natasha were finally together everything would be perfect and they would be on cloud nine.

The elevator stopped at the floor where Natasha was. He hoped he could talk to her somehow in private and everything would turn out fine. Tony was still grinning because he probably thought that things between them were fixed and they made out to celebrate. And Coulson looked like he wanted to be anywhere but in this elevator with them.

This time Steve stepped out of the elevator and followed Coulson and Tony down the long hallway. They were surrounded by concrete. Concrete floor, concrete walls. He could see the outlines of doors and little screens next to them. This must be the floor where the prisoners are kept.

They walked to the end of the hallway and Coulson opened the door with a hand scan. Natasha was standing with her back to them and watching Ross on a big TV screen at the wall. Ross was in his cell laying on a cot and staring at the wall. His hair was greasy, he'd grown a beard and had dark circles under his eyes. He looked like shit. Steve hoped he felt like shit.

Natasha turned around, gave Coulson a short nod and then her eyes lingered on Steve for a second before she turned back to the screen.

"You think he's ready to break?" Coulson asked.

"Yeah. The silent treatment we gave him for a week is driving him up against a wall" Natasha replied without turning around.

"So, you wanna get a coffee before the show starts, Phil?" Tony gave Coulson a pointed look and Steve tried his hardest not to groan.

"What?"

"I think we need a coffee. Let's go!" Tony grabbed Coulson by the elbow and escorted him back to the door. He pushed Coulson out of the room and gave Steve a wink before the door closed. Really subtle Tony.

There was no way that Natasha didn't know they were now alone in the room but she didn't turn around to face him or paid any attention to him. She just stared at the screen. God, he didn't want to have this talk on a prison floor with Ross' face in the background but he had no choice. No or never.

"Natasha. Please talk to me. Or don't say anything. Just listen to me" She didn't do anything and he took it as sign that he could continue.

He took a deep breath. "Sharon kissed me. I didn't kiss her. I don't want to kiss her. I was about to push her away when you walked in. I don't want to be with Sharon or anyone else. I only want to be with you. I am so, so sorry that I hurt you. I shouldn't have walked out on you in Wakanda. I should have stayed and talked about it with you. It doesn't matter that you were in love with Bucky. I don't care about that. It's in the past and I have to live with it. I'm sorry that I overreacted and hurt you. I was just scared that I would lose you. Every girl always wanted Bucky not me. I was so scared. You are everything to me. I love you more than anything in my life."

Natasha didn't move an inch or said something. Did she really not care about what he just said? Was it too late? Did he made her close her heart for good?

"Natasha, please say something. Anything. Please. Yell at me or hit me. Just please do something" He begged.

"You hurt me. " She whispered so quietly, he almost didn't hear it. "You hurt me like no one else has before. I gave you my heart and you broke it."

It was like someone punched him in the gut. He felt horrible. The one person he never wanted to hurt was heartbroken because of him.

"And then I realized that all this happend because I don't deserve a heart or love. You should be with someone like Sharon who is good and doesn't have a ledger gushing with red." She still had her back to him. "My past with James and then Sharon kisses you. I think the universe is trying to tell us something."

He walked around the desk to Natasha and faced her. She had tears in her eyes and her lips were trembling. God, he hated himself so much right now. He was the reason for her pain and doubt.

He cupped her cheek with his hand and she leaned into the touch. "No one besides you and me matters. No one. And the universe can go fuck itself. You and me are forever"

Natasha closed her eyes when he started to stroke her lips with his thumb. "I love you and I'm sorry I caused you so much pain. If you let me I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I will go with you to every screening of Mamma Mia until I die"

"You hate that movie"

"Yeah but I love you"

Her eyes were still closed but she had a little smile on her face. "Kiss me, Rogers"

"Yes, Ma'am" He lowered his head and brushed his lips softly against hers. This kiss was nothing like the one from the elevator. This one was sweet and gentle. They both smiled into the kiss and Steve could feel how all his pain from the last days vanished. He sat Natasha on the desk behind her and titled her chin up to kiss her again. She sucked on his lower lip and muffled his moan with her mouth.

"I love you, Steve." She whispered against his lips.

"I love you, Natasha" He kissed her again and his hands roamed her back.

Suddenly the door opened. "Motherfucker"

They pulled away at the same time and Steve could see Nick Fury over Nat's shoulder. Oh no.

"Romanoff, you're supposed to prepare for the interrogation and not make out like a goddamn teenager" He snapped and he looked at Steve the same way fathers used to look at Bucky when he was dating their daughters.

Natasha jumped off the desk and turned around to face Fury. "You're not my boss anymore, Nick"

Steve wanted to grin at Nat's sass but he stopped when he saw Fury's disappointed glare. Oh god why did he feel like Fury knew about all the things Steve did to Natasha in the bedroom.

"Anything you need, Nick?" Natasha casually asked and Steve still felt Fury's stare on him. Was this how it felt when you make out with a girl in her room and her dad walks in?

"Just wanted to know if you're ready for Ross."

"Of course I am" She huffed and turned to Steve. "We'll talk later" She gave him a heated look and then winked at him. Steve could feel the temperature in his cheeks rising and nodded like an idiot. Did she have to interrogate Ross now? Couldn't they just leave and book a nice hotel room and celebrate their reunion? According to Sam make-up sex was fanatastic. Since their first time they had had sex every day and the dry-spell of the last one and a half week was taking its toll on him. He needed to be as close to her as physically possible. He needed to be inside her.

Steve glanced at Fury who looked at him like he knew exactly what was going on in his mind. Steve pushed all thoughts of a naked Natasha out of his head and coughed. Natasha smirked at him and excused herself to freshen up before she would make Ross talk.

Natasha left and he was now alone with Fury. Oh god, someone shoot him right now.

"You and Romanof, huh?"

And here we go. "I don't think that's any of your business, Sir"

"Never thought you would have the balls to make a move"

Steve turned around back to the screen and watched Ross. He really had no interest to talk about his relationship with Fury.

He heard the leather of Fury's coat rustle and then he was right next to him. "You better know how special it is that she let you in"

Steve turned to look at him and was surprised. He didn't think the conversation would take this direction. "I do"

Fury nodded. "Good. I know ways to make you disappear that would even make HYDRA piss their pants. Understood?"

Would anyone believe Steve that Fury just gave him a shovel talk? "Understood, Sir. She's the most important person in my life"

Fury seemed satisfied with his answer and looked back to the screen to watch Ross.

* * *

Right before the interrogation was about to start Tony walked into the room and asked him to come with him. Stephen Colbert invited them on his show and Pepper thought it would be good PR if Iron Man and Captain America gave interview to make the public fall in love with them again. There were still people out there that wanted the Accords back. They weren't the majority but it was still a lot.

"I don't know about this Tony" He said while Happy drove them to the studio. "I've never given an interview before"

"Just show them your patriotic smile and tell them how happy you are that you're back. I will announce my engagement with Pepper and then the focus will be on that. Don't worry."

God, he had flashbacks to the time when he had to tour with the USO girls. He hated that, he hated being a circus monkey.

 _We have to earn back their trust._ Natasha whispered in his head. He could do that. Put the Captain America face on and charm the people.

"So everything okay between you and Nat?" Tony asked him with a smug grin on his face.

"Yeah" He didn't plan to elaborate on that topic. It was already bad enough that Fury caught them.

"Man, I think Coulson had a minor stroke when he saw you all ravished in that elevator. Like he caught his dad or something." Tony laughed.

"Did you tell him anything?"

"No, I didn't have to. He's not as dumb as he looks. He was pretty uncomfortable. I don't know what was worse for him. That his childhood hero was getting it or that you debauched his protégé." Tony was laughing so hard he had tears in his eyes. "Oh his face. You should have seen his face when we were getting coffee. I should have taken a picture. It was beautiful."

At the studio someone pushed Steve into a chair and powered his face. Steve was so nervous he almost had to vomit while Tony had the time of his life. He was chatting with the make up artist and made her laugh with stories about his previous interviews. God, he almost wished he was back at SHIELD and Fury would grill him about his intentions for Natasha.

Natasha said we need to earn back their trust and this is what you're doing. Don't let Natasha down.

Colbert came into the the make-up room and introduced himself to Steve. Apparently he and Tony already knew each other. He would ask Steve about his time in exile, why he refused to sign the Accords and what the Avengers would do now. Okay, he could answer those questions.

Everything went smoothly until Tony told Colbert and the audience about his engagement.

The audience cheered about the announcement and Colbert congratulated him.

"What about you,Captain Rogers? Anyone special in your life?" Colbert asked and the audience made uuuuhhh and aahh sounds.

"Um, no?" He stumbled out and he knew he was blushing. Natasha would kill him if he announced their relationship on national television.

"Are you asking me, Captain?" Colbert asked and Tony turned around to Steve and grinned.

"No, I'm not" He laughed uncomfortably. "Um, there is someone but I don't want to talk about her. She's a very private person" He didn't realize that he just confirmed that he was in a relationship. On national television.

"Sorry ladies and gents, looks like Captain America is taken" Colbert quipped and announced a commercial break.

Tony's face lost its color and he covered his mic and whispered. "Dude, are you aware that Natasha is gonna kill you?"

"I didn't say her name!" He hissed back. How should they figure out that he talked about Nat?

"The tabloids are gonna be all over this. They wanna know who Captain America's girlfriend is. The first photo of you guys kissing or something is gonna be worth millions!"

"Everything okay?" Colbert asked while he said goodbye to them.

"Everything peachy. Steven say bye to Stephen" Tony said and left with him the studio.

Tony pulled his phone out of his pocket when they got to the car and by the look on Happy's face he already knew what happend.

"The staff talks" Happy grinned. "Who's the lucky girl? Is it Natalie? I mean Natasha?"

Steve ignored him and sat down next to Tony on the backseat. Tony was scrolling through his phone. "It's not leaked yet but Colbert's team is already promoting that they got a hot scoop on our private lifes. And social media is exploding with speculations. Ha, some think we are a couple. They call us Stony."

As soon as that interview aired, all eyes would be on him. God, he wouldn't be able to have to dinner with Nat in a fancy restaurant somewhere. He meant to check the site of the NYCB and buy tickets for a ballett. He wanted to take Natasha this weekend. But if the paparazzi caught them. He should really book a very nice hotel room since Natasha needed to stay in Manhattan for Ross.

His phone beeped with a message. Natasha.

 _How'd it go,Rogers?:)_

 _Okay. I don't think I will be a TV star in this life or the next one though._

 _I'm almost done here at SHIELD;)_

 _Natasha, I might have done something stupid..._

 _Did you kiss Sharon again?_

 _NO!_

 _Then it can't be that bad_

 _I kind of accidentally announced that I am in a relationship. I didn't mean to! I didn't say your name! No one knows it's you!_

He anxiously waited for her reply

 _Relax, Steve. It's okay. Maybe now women will keep their hands off you!_

So she wasn't mad?

"So, she's not gonna cut off your balls?" Tony suddenly asked.

"What?"

"I assume you were texting Nat or am I wrong? You looked really worried and then relieved" He explained. "So it has to be Natasha."

"Um yeah. She's not mad" He answered and his phone beeped with another text from Natasha. It were coordinates and a name. _Rushman._ What did that mean? Wasn't Rushman Nat's alias at Stark Industries?

Happy drove them back to SHIELD but Natasha was still talking to Ross and he and Tony didn't have the clearance to watch the interrogation. They were waiting in a conference room when Hill suddenly walked in. What was she doing here?

"So, you're back at SHIELD?" Tony asked her. "Didn't I treat you right?"

Maria rolled her eyes. "I'm the Deputy Director of the Northern American agency. And Coulson is easier to deal with than you."

"So you're breaking up with me?"

"Stop talking, Stark" Maria said and pulled something out of the pocket of her blazer. "Here. Natasha told me to give this to you. She said you knew what to do with it"

She pressed a key into his hand and gave him a smirk. God, did everyone now know they were together?!

* * *

Half an hour later he left SHIELD and walked to the place the coordinates pointed him to. He didn't want Happy to drive him because he had the suspicion that he was going to one of Nat's safehouses and he didn't think that she wanted anyone to know the location. But she wanted him to know. Because she loved him. He smiled the whole way like an idiot.

The coordinates brought him to an apartment buliding in a nice neighborhood. He checked the nameplates and Rushman was on it. Apartment 32b. He took the elevator to the third floor and looked for the apartment number. Bingo, there it was. The key fit and he opened the door.

It was a beautiful apartment with two bedrooms, a bathroom with a bathtub and shower and an open kitchen. It had spartan furnishings but the furniture looked really expensive and mirrowed Natasha's exquisite taste.

He looked over the fire place and saw a sketch on the mantle. It was a sketch that he made. It showed the clouds they both looked at while they were standing side by side in Sokovia willing to die. _Where else am I gonna get a view like this?_ He thought the same when he stared at her until Fury showed up. He gave her the sketch shortly after they moved into the facility and started to train the new Avengers. Was the sketch here the whole time? In her safe place? It was framed and dust was on it. She didn't put it here recently. God, he was so touched that she kept it here.

Did Natasha have candles here? Was there still time to find a store and buy candles, flowers and champagne? God, he should have gotten that on his way to Nat's place. He really was a lousy boyfriend. He checked Google Maps and found a Whole Foods just around a corner. Perfect, he should get everything there. He grabbed the key and walked to the door when it got opened.

"Hi" Natasha breathed. Her hair wasn't in a ponytail anymore but falling over her shoulders and she carried two pizza boxes and a champagne bottle in her hands.

"Hey,doll." She smiled at the nickname and he took the pizza and champagne out of her hand and put it down on the dresser in the hallway.

"Come here" He cupped her face with his hand and pulled her towards him. She wrapped her arms around his middle and kissed him.

"I love you" He repeated again and again between kisses and played with her hair. He needed her to hear it.

"I know" She smiled and unwrapped herself from him.

"I'm starving" She grabbed the pizza boxes and walked into her living room. "Glasses are in the kitchen in the left glass cupboard" She told him and he went to get them.

Natasha put blankets and pillows in front of the fireplace. She sat down on the blankets and opened one box.

She caught him watching her and smiled at him sweetly. "Come sit with me, my love"

 _My love._ The butterflies in his stomach were dancing tango and he couldn't help but beam at her. He opened the champagne bottle and poured it into the glasses.

He sat down next to her and gave her one glass. He raised his glass. "To my beautiful Natasha who took pity on a kid from Brooklyn and made him the happiest man on the planet even though he doesn't deserve her love after what he's done."

"That's a dumb toast"

"No, it's not!" He clinked his glass with hers. She shook her head and took a sip but he could see how her eyes were sparkling. She probably called him a dork in her head again.

They ate the pizza, okay Natasha ate one half and he ate the rest and they talked about Ross and his interview with Colbert. Ross wanted his freedom in exchange for information but Natasha already tricked him into giving up a few names without him realizing it. She would talk to him tomorrow again. And she assured him that she wasn't mad that he told the world that he wasn't single.

"Do you want to watch your interview? I think it will air in a few minutes." She said and pointed at the TV.

He shook his head. "God no. Do you wanna watch it?" He hoped she said no. He could already picture her amused face when she saw how he stumbled through the interview.

"No" She put the pizza boxes and glasses on the coffee table. She crawled over to him and he really liked where this was going. "I have a better idea what we could do now."

"Yeah?" He licked his lips and Natasha's gaze fell to his lips.

"Yeah" She dug her fingers into the back of his neck and kissed him. She leaned down and he followed her without breaking the kiss. God, how good it felt to kiss her again. How perfect her body fitted under his.

They kissed for a while. He kissed any skin he could find. Her face, her neck and her cleavage. Natasha hummed happily underneath him and massaged his head with her talented hands.

He kissed her earlobe. "Tell me when" He sucked on her earlobe and she rewarded him with a moan. "Or if"

She grabbed his face with her hands and looked confused. "If?"

He didn't want to push her. If she wasn't ready to sleep with him yet after everything that happend then he would wait.

"Only if you want to, Natasha" He pecked her lips.

She pressed her thigh against his erection and he groaned. "Rogers, I've been horny since you ambushed me in that elevator! Drop your pants, soldier!"

He laughed and kissed the smirk off her face. "Since when are you giving the orders?"

She gave him a push and he sat up and she followed him and pulled her shirt over her head. He swallowed when he saw that she wasn't wearing bra. "Since I have all the power!"

"Were you braless the whole day? While you were at SHIELD?" He gulped out. It was probably better that he didn't know it back at SHIELD. He would have dragged her into a supply closet or something to ravish her.

She smirked. "Wouldn't you like to know it? I pulled the bra off before I left."

She grabbed the hem of his Henley shirt and he lifted his arms to help her get it off him. They quickly shred the rest of their clothes off and laid back down on the blankets. They should get a fake-fur blanket for the fireplace.

He kissed his way from her neck to her breasts. He looked up and Natasha smiled at him. He couldn't help but grin back. "I love you"

"I love you" She sighed when he started to kiss her breasts. God, they were so beautiful and soft. He blew air on each nipple until they were stiff. Natasha laughed when he licked the underside of her left breast and patted his head because she was ticklish there. He smirked against her skin and kissed his way down to her cunt.

He looked up at Natasha again to get her permission and she nodded. He lowered his head and softly kissed the insides of her thighs. She spread her legs for him wider and he grabbed her thighs and pulled her closer to his face. Her cunt was wet and swollen and it sent a shiver down his spine that she wanted him so much.

He must have been staring at her for some time because Natasha whined his name and nudged his shoulder with her small foot. He laughed and licked over her outer labia. Natasha moaned and bucked her hips into his face. He pressed on hand flat on her stomach to hold her down. She couldn't move and mumbled something that sounded like stupid super strength under her breath. He pecked the inside on her right thigh and then parted her folds with his tongue to reveal her clit. She gasped and he slowly lapped at her clit while he still pressed her down with his hand on the blankets.

"Ugh, Rogers! I need more." She wailed.

As you wish. He sucked on her clit and she grabbed his hair and pushed his face with force into her cunt. Jesus, that tiny woman was really strong but since Steve Rogers had a thing for bossy women it only turned him more on. He removed his hand from her stomach and brushed his finger over her flank, over her thigh and then over her folds while he kissed her nub.

"Steve, please!"

He hummed into her cunt and then thrust his tongue into her and rubbed her clit with his thumb. Natasha groaned and when he looked up she was arching her back and playing with her tits. The fire gave her a warm glow and she looked so beautiful like this. He couldn't help but rock his hips into the blankets to get some friction. She was a goddess. He replaced his tongue with two fingers and began to suck on her clit again. Natasha's moans grew louder and and her thighs around his head held him tight and he added a third finger and began to rub her g-spot.

"Babe, I'm so close. Please... I need to. Oh God... Steve...!" She whimpered and it turned him even more on.

He thrust his fingers into her harder and grazed her clit with his teeth. Natasha came with his name on her lips and he finger-fucked her through her orgasm. He licked her clean, she tasted so good. Her legs fell off his shoulders and when he looked at her she gave him a dopey grin. Her skin was flushed and glistening with sweat. He kissed his way up to her and she looped her arms around his neck and kissed him greedily.

"Mm, goldstar for you, Rogers" She rasped and he grinned.

He stettled between her legs and his cock brushed against her folds and he groaned while Natasha shivered. "You need a minute, doll?"

She shook her head. "Fuck me, Steve"

He growled and it took all his willpower not to jackhammer into her straight away. Natasha was still sensitive and he didn't want to hurt her.

He slowly pushed his tip into her and Natasha closed her eyes. God, she was so warm and tight. He bit his lips and slowly pressed all the way in until he bottomed out. They both moaned and Natasha opened her eyes.

"I missed you so much" She said and wrapped her legs around his waist.

He leaned his forehead against hers and they both enjoyed for a moment that they were finally one again. "I love you so much, Natshechka"

He slowly thrust into her and she moved her hips to meet his thrust. "God, you feel so fucking good around me,doll"

"Steve, fuck me harder. I want to feel you for days" She rasped and dugged her fingernails into his shoulder.

He growled and rocked into her with more force and Natasha moaned happily. She threw her head back and he kissed her exposed neck. She kicked him with the heel of her foot and he took the hint and grabbed her waist to change his angle and fucked into her harder and faster. He was sure that he was hitting her g-spot when she started to pant his name. He could feel that his orgasm was coming and he knew he couldn't hold it off for much longer , so he moved one hand to her clit and started to scratch his nail gently over it. That sent Natasha over the edge and as soon as her walls started to milk him he followed her into ecstasy. He kept thrusting lazily through their orgasms until they came both down from their high. He couldn't help it and he collasped with his weight on Natasha. She didn't seem to mind though and hugged him and kissed his temple.

"Fireworks, Steve." She giggled. "Fireworks"

He kissed her cheek. "Only with you, Nat"

He tried to pull out off her but Natasha tightend her hold with her legs around his hips. "Stay"

He was already getting hard inside of her again. She clenched her walls to get him going and rolled them onto his back.

"My turn" She smiled wickedly at him, planted her hands on his pecs and slowly rolled her hips. God that felt so good.

He sat up and and wrapped his arms around her waist. "I love you"

She smiled at him and started to bounce on his cock. She leaned her elbows on his shoulders and he was in a perfect position to kiss and lick her breasts. They slowly rocked towards their release and Natasha came with a gasp when he bit into her nipple. He thrust into her two or three more times and then he spilled into her. Natasha kissed his face and pulled herself off of him. She plopped down on the blankets and he laid on his side and brushed his fingers over her body causing her to shiver.

"I love you, Steve." She smiled at him with that dopey grin again and his chest fluttered.

"I love you, Natasha." He took her hand and kissed each fingertip.

She pulled her hand from him, rolled on her stomach and pushed a pillow under her hips.

He swallowed and his cock was already hardening at the side. God that serum was a blessing and a curse.

"Are you sure?" He caressed her back and beautiful ass. He was positive that Natasha had the greatest ass that God ever created.

"I need you." She purred. "I need you inside me. I need you to fill me. I missed you so much. Please" She wiggled her ass at him and he almost lost all control.

"God, Nat. You drive me crazy. Is it normal to want and love someone so much?" He growled and moved to cover her with his body.

He kissed her shoulder and the back of her neck and then he slid back into her warmth. God, she felt so tight in this position. He realized that Natasha couldn't really move like this and gave herself completely over to him. He was moved and aroused to no end. He knew how much Natasha needed control and here she was offering herself to him. He pulled out until only his tip was in her and then slowly pushed into her. He repeated the movement each time harder and faster. They both grunted and he could see how Natasha gripped the pillow next to her head with her fist. Her other hand moved between her legs.

He lowered his head to whisper into her ear.

"You are so beautiful, Natasha." He thrust and she moaned.

"I love you so much. You feel so good." He thrust harder and she moaned louder.

Her walls clenched him harder and her breathing was uneven. "Yes, that's it. Come for me, doll. Come, so I can"

She nodded and he lifted her hips to hit her g-spot and fucked her harder. Natasha cried his name out when she came and the first wave of her orgasm send him over the edge as well and he came with a shout.

He slipped out of her when her cunt stopped milking him and they both moaned at the loss of contact. Natasha was completely spend and sleepy. He couldn't help but be proud that he caused her state of deep satisfaction.

He laid down next to her and pulled her head gently on his chest. He kissed her hair and Natasha drew hearts on his chest.

"Four orgasms." She mumbled. "I feel bad for every woman who doesn't have a super soldier. God, if they knew about your stamina and talent, they would kick the door in to get to you."

He chuckled. "I can assume you would defend my honor and protect me?"

She buried her face in his chest and her voice was muffled. "Of course. You're mine. Only mine"

"Yes, I'm yours. Only yours."

He could feel Natasha smile against his skin. "And I am yours. Forever"

* * *

I felt like I owed you after all the sad chapters hence all the smut.

Leave a comment:)


	31. Chapter 31

Thank you for your feedback on the last chapters!

* * *

XXXI.

Jamie's daughter Lizzie looked exactly like Becca. It was almost like his little sister was standing in front of him. Jamie and Lizzie were wonderful and welcomed Bucky with open arms. His little sister had a full and wonderful life and died ten years ago in her sleep. Jamie assured him that her mother would have been over the moon if she would have lived long enough to see him again. Jamie was a judge at a family court (he was so proud of his niece) and her daughter would be graduating high school next year. She was divorced and shared custody with her husband.

He wanted to sleep in a hotel during his visit in Brooklyn but Jamie practically bullied him into staying in their guest room. God, she had the spirit of her mother. He couldn't believe that he had a family, a niece and a grand-niece. And they accepted him with his ugly past and were happy to see him.

"Uncle Bucky?" Lizzie yelled from the livingroom. She shyly asked him if it was okay to call him that and he was so touched he almost cried. He was someone's uncle!

"Yeah?" He just got out of the shower.

"Captain America and Iron Man are gonna be on Colbert in five minutes. Do you wanna see that?"

Steve on TV? Steve hated any kind of media attention. And didn't he want to use his stay in Manhattan to win Natasha back? He rubbed his hair with a towel, put sweatpants and a shirt on and joined Lizzie on the couch.

Tony lead the conversation and Steve only spoke when Colbert asked him a direct question. He could see that he was uncomfortable but he did the interview quite well. Until Tony announced that he was engaged.

 _"What about you Captain Rogers? Anyone special in your life?"_

 _"Um,no?"_

 _"Are you asking me Captain?"_

 _"No, I'm not. Um, there is someone but I don't want to talk about her. She's a very private person"_

 _"Sorry ladies and gents, looks like Captain America is taken"_

So he and Natasha were back together? That was good. He would call Steve tomorrow to make sure. He took a handful popcorn out of the bowl Lizzie offered him.

"Do you know her?" She asked him with her mouth full of popcorn. Some people might regarded talking with a full mouth as rude but since it reminded him of Becca he couldn't help but find it endearing.

"I think so" Steve better be talking about Natasha or he would kick his ass.

"Are they happy?"

He thought about the time before his past with Natasha was uncovered and the Sharon kiss. "Yeah, kiddo. They are"

She nodded and continued to eat her popcorn. He realized that she didn't ask him who Steve was seeing and he smiled.

* * *

Natasha woke him up in the middle of the night with her hand on his hardening cock and smiled sweetly at him. They both laid on their sides facing each other on the blankets in front of the fireplace and she wrapped her leg around his waist and he slowly pushed into her. They were both sleepy and made lazily love. He was pretty sure that they fell asleep with him still inside her.

When he woke up the next morning the spot next to him was empty but still warm. He looked up and saw Natasha with her back to him roaming around in the open kitchen. He got up, put his briefs back on and walked to her. His blood was rushing to his groin when he noticed that she was wearing his henley shirt and honestly she looked so much better in it than he ever would.

He wrapped his arms around her from behind and buried his face in her hair. "Morning, Nat"

She turned in his arms and kissed him. "Morning"

The kiss started slow but soon tongues were involved and he lifted her on the kitchen counter and their hands caressed each others's bodies. Natasha moved to pull his shirt over her head but he stopped her. It did things to him to see her in it and yes he wanted her to leave it on while he fucked her.

"Don't" He whispered into her ear and she pulled his underwear down and began to stroke his length. God, her hands on him felt amazing. He moaned and rested his head on her shoulder.

"I want to be inside you, doll"

Natasha nodded and guided him into her making them both groan. Her hands held the edge of the kitchen counter while he thrust into her.

"Oh God. Just like that, Steve" She moaned directly into his ear and it made him pound into her harder. He missed her so much, he missed this so much. Being as close to her as possible and bringing her pleasure. The sounds she made, the way she felt and the way she clinged to him.

"I love you so much, Steve" She panted into his ear and kissed his temple. "So... so... much"

He could only nod, fucked into her harder and panted her name again and again. He felt how Natasha's hand slipped between them and she started to rub her clit. Her walls clenched him harder and he groaned and bit into her neck. That sent Nat over the edge and she came with a loud cry of his name. He kept fucking her through her orgasm and when she brushed her fingers over his bare back he followed her with his head rested on her shoulder. They were both panting and Natasha smiled at him lazily when he moved his head from her shoulder to look at her.

"I love you, Natasha." He pecked her lips and pulled out of her causing her to whimper at the loss and he shared the sentiment.

He was still standing between her legs when she cupped his face to kiss him. Her lips moved slowly against his and her tongue sometimes slipped out to tease him. He just enjoyed kissing her, to finally feel her lips on him again. He ran his fingers through her hair and basked in his love and devotion for her. He swore to himself that no matter what would happen he would never leave her again. She was stuck with him for good.

"I only have cereal and milk here." She said when she pulled away from him to catch her breath.

He played with the buttons of the henley when he got an idea. "Let's go have breakfast somewhere. Wherever you want, doll."

"We can't. If we got spotted together, they know it was me you were talking about yesterday." She jumped off the counter and her legs were a little wobbly. He managed to hide his smug grin at her state when she turned around. She was right. The public couldn't know that she was his girlfriend. If HYDRA found out... They would use her to get to him. Not that she couldn't protect herself but just the thought something could happen to her because of him twisted his insides out.

"I'm sorry. I should have dodged the question."

"Don't be. I'm glad the world knows you're not available." She pecked his lips and got milk out of fridge. "I'll place an order at the supermarket later, so they can deliver us groceries."

She patted through the kitchen to get cereal, two bowls and spoons. They sat down at the counter, ate breakfast and talked about the other Avengers. He told her how things were at the facility and that Tony and Bucky got along surprisingly well.

"How are things with you and Bucky?" She asked him with hesitation in her voice. They didn't talk about Bucky at all since they got back together.

"Good. It's okay" He grabbed her hand to hold it. "We talked. I have to live with it. I'm sorry for the way I reacted."

"I know. We're good. Let's never talk about that again. I only love you. "She leaned in and kissed him.

"I know. I shouldn't have doubted that."

The cereal got soggy while they made love on the kitchen counter again.

"Steve?" Natasha pulled his shirt off her and threw it at him. "Did you bring a bag of clothes with you? Cause I don't have anything that will fit you."

He was still panting from their previous activity. Natasha told him to fuck her hard and so he did. "Shit, my bag is still in the conference room."

Natasha laughed. "Well, I guess it's time for your first walk of shame. Oh god, Tony is gonna have a field day."

"Yeah, and Fury is gonna kill me!" He sniffed his shirt but it only smelled like his Natasha. The scent was intoxciating.

Natasha raised an eyebrow and he kissed it. "I don't think he likes it that I'm getting into your pants."

She rolled her eyes, tugged his hand and he helped her off the counter. "That's none of his business."

And then she smirked. "Are you afraid of Nick?"

"Um kinda?"

"Oh honey, I think Captain America can kick his ass any day of the week. Besides, you have me to protect you" She grinned at him and he smiled back. Together they were unstoppable.

They showered, he got back into his clothes from yesterday and he watched Natasha getting ready. He loved it when she let him see how she did her hair and make-up. It felt intimate and domestic. He didn't think anyone else had the privilege before to see it. Bucky probably had... No, don't go there.

Natasha left before him to get to SHIELD and he followed ten minutes later, so no one would see them together in the streets.

* * *

Bucky called Steve first thing in the morning when he was still lying in his bed in his niece's guest room. He picked up after a few rings.

"Hey Buck" He could hear cars and sirens in the background.

"Hey punk. Where are you?"

"Oh my way to SHIELD. Ross is being interrogated by Nat."

Steve said Natasha's name without the usual sadness like he did in the last week.

"I saw your interview yesterday" He could practically see how Steve rolled his eyes. "Everything good between you and Natasha?"

"Yeah, we're together again" He could heard the smile in his voice.

"I'm happy for you. I really am, punk."

"I know. How's the family?"

Bucky felt warm when he thought about Jamie and Lizzie. Of course Steve was his family but it was nice to still have blood relatives. Steve wasn't that lucky.

"Good. It's great actually. We really get along."

"That's amazing, Bucky. Listen, I'm almost at SHIELD. I'll talk to you later."

They said goodbye and hang up.

Natasha and Steve were back together and Bucky had a family again. He couldn't take care of Becca like he wanted but he would make sure that he would look out for her girls. He was back in the States, had new friends and his free will back. And he would use everything HYDRA taught him to bring them down and to protect people.

He heard Jamie yelling that breakfast was ready and got out of bed.

* * *

Despite it being just 8 am Tony was already waiting for Steve in the lobby. He usually stayed up all night to work in his lab and then slept til noon and Steve had really hoped he wouldn't run into Tony until he got his bag and changed into new clothes.

Tony was sitting in an armchair and balanced two Starbucks coffees on his knee. He lit up when he saw him walking through security.

He got up and gave him one cup. "Red already took hers. She's with Coulson and Hill in a meeting."

Steve took the offered coffee and nodded his thanks. He took a sip and grimaced. Tony gave him one of those overly sweet syrup drinks. He hated those. Why didn't people stick to coffee with milk and sugar? He was glad that Nat wasn't here, she would have probably called him an old man and asked him if she should get off his lawn.

He noticed that Tony had put his sunglasses on his head and was glancing at him with interest and looked more smug by the second.

"How was your night, Cap?" Tony asked him with mischief in his eyes.

He walked over to the elevators. "Good."

He did not plan on telling what he did last night or rather who he did last night. And this morning. God, they had sex seven times in the last twelve hours. His cheeks were getting warm when he thought about how good it felt to be finally able to make love to Natasha again.

Tony grinned at him like he knew exactly what was going on in his head. "Where did you sleep by the way? I was worried when you didn't show up at my penthouse!" He had the nerve to fake concern.

Steve rolled his eyes and stared at the screen that showed the on-going floor numbers. Great, they still had 16 floors to go. Why was this building so fucking tall?

"And you're wearing the same things you wore yesterday, Steve."

No shit, Sherlock.

But Tony wasn't done. He could tell how much fun he had. "So did walk around Manhattan all night?"

He suddenly moved closer and was actually sniffing him. What the fuck?

"Tony, what are you doing?"

"You don't stink, so I take it you showered. And you smell lovely by the way. Very feminine. Did a nice lady let you use her shower?"

"Tony, what do you want? Would it make you stop if I tell you where I was last night?" He groaned and Tony nodded happily.

"Fine. I spent the night at Natasha's but you already knew that."

"Did you spent the night at Natasha's or with Natasha?" Tony smirked.

"You can be glad this is not a glass elevator or I would throw you out." He barked. He wouldn't talk about his sex life with anyone besides the one he was enjoying it with.

Tony laughed. "Okay, I get it. You don't kiss and tell. Fine, other men would probably scream from the top of their lungs that they banged Black Widow."

"Tony!" He snarled. He didn't want anyone to talk about Natasha like that. He knew that Tony was just pushing his buttons but after Sharon told him that apparently everyone at SHIELD ,except her friends, thought that she was a whore he was a bit sensitive with that topic. Not that he thought that any woman could be a whore. Women should have as much sex as they want with whomever they want. He hated that word and he wished it would have disappeared during his time in the ice.

"Relax. I think your duffle bag is still in the conference room."

He would get his bag and change before anyone else (Fury) noticed that he was wearing yesterday's clothes.

"Did you check Twitter by the way?" Tony asked him and pulled his phone out of the pocket of his suit.

"You know that I don't have Twitter"

"Everyone wants to know who your girlfriend is. The majority thinks is either Wanda or Natasha because they were like you on the run and some others think you met a nice girl while you were on the run." Tony said looking at his Starkphone.

Of course they would (rightfully) assume it was someone close to him. It was only a matter of time until they figured out it was Natasha because Wanda was too young to be with him or rather he was too old for her.

"Don't worry FRIDAY monitors the whole situation and if pictures of you will show up on social media, she will delete them before someone sees them."

"Thank you, Tony" He sincerely said.

The elevator doors opened on the 27th floor where the conference room was and Steve almost ran into Fury who wanted to enter the elevator. Fuck. Of course he would run into the last person he wanted to see.

Fury eyed him like he knew exactly what Steve did to Natasha last night. And this morning. He almost wanted to say 'hey, she liked it!' but that would probably made the whole thing worse.

"I think this belongs to you?" Fury handed him his duffel bag.

"Um yes. Thank you, sir" He knew he was blushing and took the bag from him.

Fury stepped into the elevator and the doors were already closing. "Oh and Rogers, change your shower gel. You smell like Romanoff."

Tony watched the whole thing with a grin on his face and Steve left him to get changed.

* * *

He was doing Coulson a favour and talked to some of his agents in the cafeteria around 11 am when Natasha suddenly walked it. He didn't expect to see her until lunch. Coulson gave her an office she could use while she was at SHIELD and he wanted to get sushi from her favourite place and eat it with her in private there. Well, he would send Happy to get it since people would probably talk if Captain America showed up and ordered sushi for two.

She looked around the large room and smiled briefly when she spotted him. Good, she looked so good in her white blouse and brown leather pencil skirt. He was almost jealous of Ross that he got to see Natasha for hours in that outfit. She walked over to his table and he was sure that she put an extra sway into her hips when she saw that he was watching her.

She stopped in front of the table. She gave the agents a short nod as a greeting and then looked at him. "They need you in Alcatraz."

Alcatraz was the name of the prison floor at SHIELD. Someone wasn't very creative with that name, it was probably Coulson.

He followed her to the elevators and had the whole way a good look at her behind. They were waiting for the elevator and he made sure that no one was in earshot when he whispered that her ass looked good in that skirt.

She smirked at him, clearly amused. "My ass looks always good."

Who was he to argue?

They stepped into the elevator and Steve was about to steal a kiss when Natasha moved away from him. "Cameras"

He took a step back. Right, there was surveillance everywhere at SHIELD. God, he kissed her yesterday in an elevator.

"Natasha!" He breathed out. "They caught us yesterday!"

He didn't want all of SHIELD to know that they were a couple. And he was certain that Natasha had the same opinion.

"It's okay. Hill threathend the agent on duty and he deleted the footage."

Hill? Did she smirk at him yesterday when she gave him Nat's key because she saw them on tape?

"She happend to be there. Good for us." Natasha didn't seem to mind that Maria knew.

"Why am I needed in Alcatraz though?" He forgot to ask Natasha before.

"The agent who gives Ross his food let it slip that you were in the building. Ross wants to talk to you. Says he's willing to give us info if you see him. I think it's smart to let Ross believe he has the upper hand for now. " She explained and the elevator reached its destination.

"Okay. I'll talk to him." He wasn't good at interrogations but he would try his best to get Ross to talk. He wondered though what Ross wanted from him. Probably nothing good.

They walked to the end of the concrete hallway to the briefing room where he and Natasha got back together yesterday. It was honestly his favourite room in the entire building. Natasha stopped and didn't put her hand on the scan.

She turned to him. "Don't let him get into your head. He'll try to play games with you but you need to be careful."

He nodded.

"Oh, and make it quick. My office is camera and bug-free, I checked. And you know what I realized on my way to SHIELD this morning?" Her voice got deeper and sounded like heaven.

He shook his head.

"That we never made love on a desk before. So I want you to hurry with Ross so you can fuck me on my desk, okay?" She purred and brushed her fingertips over his groin.

He groaned and started to state Baseball facts in his head to not get too excited. Little vixen!

Natasha licked her lips and opened the door with a scan of her hand.

* * *

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	32. Chapter 32

Thank you for your reviews, faves and follows. Means a lot!

* * *

XXXII.

Coulson and Hill were already in the briefing room waiting for them. Maria smirked at the sight of the two of them and Coulson tried to be as disinterested as possible.

Steve would go into Ross' cell and talk to him without any cameras. That was one of Ross' conditions to give them what they wanted. Coulson told him that they wanted to know if Secretary Ross was a member of HYDRA and so far his name sake was quiet.

He didn't want to talk to Ross. He had no real experience in interrogation and he already knew that it would take all of his willpower to not punch Ross through the wall. He got sick to his stomach that Ross played them all so well. He let Ross arrest Bucky, he let HYDRA get their hands on Bucky. He wouldn't be surprised if Zemo and Ross were in it together. Wouldn't it be easier to get into the facility in Berlin with an inside man? Did Ross tell him about the red book?

Natasha walked with him to Ross' cell and hold his hand. She gave it a light squeeze when they stopped in front of the cell. "You don't have to be nervous. Let him set the tone. He'll think he has the advantage. Just let him talk. I'll wait outside and when you're done we'll have lunch. Okay, honey?"

He nodded. "I'll do my best. Even though I'm sure I'm not as good as you at this."

She pecked his lips. "Just remember if you get us what we need, I'll reward you later in my office."

She winked at him and he had to swallow. She entered the code for the cell that only she and Coulson knew and the door opened.

Ross looked away from the ceiling when he saw them. "Captain Rogers, how nice to see you! I can assume that surveillance is offline, Agent Romanoff?"

Natasha pressed the button on something that looked like a USB stick and threw it at Ross. "I take it you know what that is?"

Ross nodded and seemed to be satisfied.

"It stops the camera feed for thirty minutes" She explained to him and closed the door but not before giving him an encouraging smile. He could do this, the sooner they got everything from Ross they needed, the sooner Natasha could come back with him to HQ.

Ross pulled his legs into a lotus seat on his cot and pointed at the chair in the corner. "Please sit down, Captain."

Steve took a seat and crossed his arms over his chest. Ross was surprisingly calm for someone who would never see the day of light again.

"I would offer you something but well... I'm sure you can understand." Ross said and shrugged. "It's a bit funny, isn't it? The first time we met you were the one being arrested. I gave you a glass office and SHIELD gives me this windowless pit. Some thanks I get."

"What do you want from me?" Steve barked and Ross grinned.

"Believe it or not, I just want to talk to someone. It gets tiring to only talk to Romanoff. As beautiful as she is." Ross was clearly baiting him for a reaction. Could he know about him and Natasha? There was no way he could know right? Natasha clearly didn't tell Ross and he had no access to the internet. Steve kept his face stoic at the mention of Nat's name. Don't give him one inch.

"So what do you wanna talk about? Maybe Thaddeus Ross?" Steve asked and hoped that for some reason Ross would give him the answer he wanted and he could get out of this cell. He didn't know why but Ross gave him the creeps.

Ross waved his hand. "We can talk about Thaddeus later. Were you aware that I knew that Sharon Carter was helping you in Berlin?"

Steve tried his hardest to not look surprised. How could Ross have known? Why didn't he sent SWAT teams to bring them back in?"

"I was curious about what you would do. And why bring you in myself if Stark and Romanoff could do it? But then that Russian bitch betrayed me and let you and Barnes escape." Ross spat out and Steve had to clench his fists. He couldn't give Ross a reaction, if he knew what Nat meant to him he would use it against them.

"You knew about the other Winter Soldiers in Siberia, didn't you?" Steve asked trying to distract him from Natasha.

"Of course, I did. They were a failed project. Why not let Captain America deal with it. Normal agents wouldn't have been a match for them." Ross moved to lean aganist the wall and stretched his legs.

"But Zemo knew about them and killed them. Did you and Zemo were in contact?"

Ross smiled. "I knew you'd make the connection. Well, he didn't know who he was talking to. Who do you think led him to the book with the magic words? Zemo may be smart but he would have never found it without my help."

"Why?"

"Isn't it obvious? If the Avengers on your side found out that they were risking their freedom for the killer of Tony Stark's parents, don't you think they may would have changed their mind on signing the Accords?"

Did Ross honestly think that Wanda, Sam and Clint refused to sign because of Bucky? They didn't sign because they disagreed with it.

"They wouldn't have signed no matter what, Ross."

Ross shrugged. "Maybe. But they would have lost their faith in you and that's what makes them vulnerable and easy to manipulate."

He smiled at Steve and it made him uneasy. Why did he have the feeling that Ross still had an ace up his sleeve.

"You were in Yekatarinenburg to rescue Romanoff, weren't you? Tell me did you and her see each other while you were on the run? Did you hide together? She must mean a lot to you. You came to Russia even though you knew you could get arrested. And Romanoff risked her freedom for you and Barnes."

Steve remined stoic, he didn't want him to give one inch.

"So am I right to assume that you and Romanoff are close? She is your second in command, isn't she? You must trust her a lot." He smiled at him like they were old friends.

"I trust all my team mates" Steve decided to tell him. He had no idea where Ross was going with this but he needed to know.

Ross nodded. "Of course you do. By the way did you get a look at the files SHIELD found at my farm?"

He didn't look at them. Tony had them all and gave Steve access but he hadn't had the time to look at them yet.

"Don't you expect from Miss Romanoff that she would give you important intel regarding missions? Your most important mission?Finding Barnes? Like I don't know , mentioning that she knows Barnes?"

He smirked. "She knows him very well."

That was Ross' ace. He wanted to make Steve lose his trust in Natasha so the Avengers would drift apart and HYDRA could take advantage. He decided to play along.

"What do you mean? He shot her in Odessa, I think." He played dumb.

"Oh no, Captain." Ross seemed over the moon that he got Steve. "They go way back. I'm afraid Miss Romanoff has not been honest with you. She was in love with your best friend. She maybe knows him better than you do. Imagine how much sooner you would have found him if she told you the truth."

Steve tried to control his jealousy. It's in the past. She loves you now and doesn't even remember Bucky.

"What makes you think she remembers that? Isn't HYDRA big on memory swipes?" He shot back.

"Well, yes. But a love that grand is certainly stronger than that. I think she let you escape in Leipzig because of Barnes." He grinned at him. He obviously hoped that Steve would freak out and something similiar like Siberia would happen.

Now it was his turn to grin at Ross. "Oh you mean that file with the photo of them kissing?"

Ross' smirk dropped from his face and Steve's grin got wider. "I've seen it."

"So you are already at odds with Romanoff and Barnes?" Ross asked him with some last hope.

"You wanted to tell me about Secretary Ross. I'm listening."

Ross seemed to way his options and gave in. He told him that the other Ross wasn't a member of HYDRA but knew about its involvement in the Accords and used HYDRA's influence to get them signed. He wanted to use the Accords to get Banner and other enhanced beings under his thumb, he didn't care that he had to work with Nazis to get to that goal. Ross told him about a deposit box at a bank in Hoboken where he stored their mail exchange to blackmail him if he needed to. He promised it would be enough proof to prosecute Thaddeus Ross.

The USB thing Natasha gave Ross beeped, she came in a second later and took it from him. "Feed is up again, Ross."

Steve got up and followed Natasha. She took his hand and led him back to the briefing room. No one was in it besides them.

"Hill and Coulson had to deal with something in Chicago." She explained and sat down at the conference table. He took a seat next to her and she turned her chair until she could put her legs on his lap. He pulled her high heels off and began to massage her pretty feet. She gave him a beautiful smile as a thanks.

"So what did Ross tell you?" She asked and moaned when he kneaded her heel.

"He worked with Zemo together from the shadows."

Natasha didn't seem surprised. "Yeah, he hinted that."

Steve nodded and continued. " Secretary Ross is not a member of HYDRA but had no problems to work with them. He knew that the other Ross is HYDRA."

He brushed his fingertips over the bottom of her foot and she squirmed. She was ticklish under her feet. His hands stroked up and down on her calfs. "Natasha, did Ross mention Bucky to you?"

She raised an eyebrow and shook her head. "No. Why... Oh did he tell you about the file we found in Chile?"

"Yup. I think he wanted to use it to cause tension between us. He spun it like you knew the entire time and didn't tell me."

She pulled her feet out of his lap and leaned over to cup his face. " So he was hoping for Siberia 2.0?You know that I didn't know right? I still don't remember James like that."

"I know that, sweetheart." He kissed her softly on the lips. "I hate it that HYDRA wanted to use that against us. Do you think Ross knows we love each other?"

Natasha shrugged. "I don't know. Probably not. He just hoped you would be mad at me and kick me off the team. He probably assumed I would be pissed and return to HYDRA or something."

"I love you" He simply said and she smiled at him. He craddled the back of her head and kissed her again.

They were so lost in their kiss that they both missed the sound of an opening door.

"Oh my god. I'm so sorry." Coulson yelled and slammed the door.

Natasha giggled and Steve couldn't help but join her. Would everyone walk in on them?

"I'm glad he's not my handler anymore. I'm sure he would send me on the most boring mission for making out with his Captain America." She pecked his lips.

Steve rather had the feeling that he would get another shovel talk today. Did anyone give Natasha one? Did maybe Sam take her to the side and tell her to be good to him? Well probably not, Sam was afraid of Nat.

"Can I come in?" Coulson must have buzzed the intercom.

Natasha laughed and pressed the intercom on the conference table. "Yeah, no one's naked, Phil."

Steve and Coulson both groaned and the door opened and he walked in.

Apparently the Director decided to ignore what he just saw and went straight to business. Natasha put her shoes back on and Steve tried not to stare too much. She already once mentioned her suspicion that he might have a light foot fetish. He didn't have a fetish, her feet were just really delicate and pretty, okay? Maybe he just had a Natasha fetish? And didn't she promise him that they would make love in her office after his talk with Ross?

"What did Ross give you, Rogers?" Coulson pulled him back from his thoughts about fucking Natasha on a desk. God, was he glad that SHIELD didn't know how to read minds yet. But Natasha gave him a look like she knew exactly about what he was thinking.

"Um, he told me about a deposit box in Hoboken. Said it would contain incriminating evidence about Secretary Ross. According to him the other Ross knew that he was HYDRA."

Coulson nodded and looked at Nat. "Natasha, would you mind telling Hunter and Mack to go to Hoboken to retrieve the box?"

"Not at all." She stood up and straightend her skirt. She leaned down to whisper in Steve's ear that he should come to her office after he was done here. He swallowed and nodded. He sure hoped that Coulson didn't need him for that long. His mind was starting to get clouded with Natasha moaning under him on a desk. Maybe she would bend over for him and he would...

"Steve?" Coulson never used his first name before. Oh here comes the shovel talk. He knew how amazing Natasha was. How brave, kind, smart and funny she was. He didn't need to be reminded of that. He would never hurt her again. He would rather join HYDRA before he caused her anymore heartbreak.

Steve looked at Coulson to signal him that he was listening.

"I'm happy for you two." Coulson smiled. That was not the direction Steve thought this conversation would take. "I really am. I always hoped Natasha would find someone. She's... I'm quite fond of her. I'm glad she found someone worthy of her love. And I'm happy that you found someone as well. Thinking about it you two are the perfect match."

Steve's cheeks were getting warm. "Um, thank you. That means a lot. I know how important you are to Natasha. You are one of the first to believe in her."

He would be eternally grateful to Clint and Coulson that they decided to give Nat a chance at SHIELD. And to Fury. And to Peggy. Peggy didn't know it but when she told Fury to give Natasha a chance, she gave him everything. He didn't think that he would have fallen in love with anyone else besides Nat. He knew that his heart was meant for her. _Thanks, Peg._

* * *

He was already on his way to Natasha when he ran into Hill on the corridor. She was followed by a few low level agents in uniform who seemed to be very excited to see him. Maria just seemed annoyed and told them to get lost. Steve gave them an apolgetic smile when they left.

"That's not very nice, Maria" He chided her mockingly. He was actually glad that she sent them away. He wasn't in the mood to deal with admirers and he honestly still didn't get it why some people were so enarmored with him.

Maria rolled her eyes. "I heard your talk with Ross went well."

"Yeah, let's hope he gave us actual intel and wasn't just messing with me."

She shrugged. "He wants to have some books to read. He knows he won't get them if he plays with us."

She gave him a nod and walked away. He was just around the corner to get to Natasha's temporary office when Maria called his name.

"Congrats by the way"

"On what?"

She smirked. "You know what. It's a good thing."

So now everyone had said their thing about his relationship. He really hoped that was it.

Natasha's office door was open and he just walked in. She smiled at him brightly and his heart fluttered. She signaled him with her finger to wait since she was on the phone.

"Yes...wonderful...I know it's a bit late...Thank you!" Natasha laughed. She had such a beautiful laugh. And he loved the way her nose wrinkled when she was laughing. "Thanks, I owe you." She hang up and smiled at him.

"Someone is in a good mood." He noticed and had to grin at her giddiness.

"Did you bring a suit with you?" She leaned her elbows on the desk and braced her head on her hands.

"No, I didn't think I needed one. Why?"

"Because you and I are going to Lunelle's this evening. I got us a private room where we can have our first official date." She beamed at him proudly.

Oh no. He should have booked them a table at a nice restaurant. They weren't hiding anymore. They didn't need to worry that they could get arrested. Okay, they needed to keep a low profile so the public wouldn't find out that they were a couple but still he should have done something. He was a terrible boyfriend.

He must have been lost in his head for some time because the smile left Natasha's face and she looked nervous. "We don't have to go if you don't want to. I just thought that you might like that.I'm sorry."

Why was she apologizing? He should apologize. "No, Nat. I love to go with you to that restaurant. It's just I should have done that. I've been talking for months that I would take you on a real date when we're back in New York and then I completely blow it."

Natasha got up from her chair and walked around the desk to sit down on his lap."It's okay. I thought that you didn't like my idea. It doesn't matter who booked a table. I just want to go on a date with my boyfriend." She gave him a sweet kiss that made his butterflies dance.

"I'll get you a suit and then we change at my place and drive to the restaurant. It has a back entrance. No one will see us and the staff is very discret." She murmured against his lips.

He kissed her and Natasha smiled into the kiss. God, he loved that woman so much. But he had a different idea. "No, I'll get a suit and then I pick you up at your place. We are doing this the right way." He kissed her again and moved one hand to the hem of her skirt to stroke her thigh.

Natasha nodded and raked her fingernails over his scalp. "Sounds great. I can't wait."

He stood up and placed Natasha gently on the desk. "I remember you said something about a reward..."

Natasha smirked and began to unbotton her blouse to reveal a ivory lace bra. "I think that rings a bell. Make sure the door is locked, honey."

He licked his lips at the sight of her and walked to the door to lock it. When he turned around Natasha's blouse was gone and she hiked her skirt up to her waist. He got a nice look at her matching panties and his arousal quickly hardened. It honestly took not much to get him going when Natasha was involved.

"Strip, Captain!" She ordered and pulled the cups of her bra down. He quickly removed his shirt, shoes and pants. He was only wearing his briefs when he moved to stand between her legs. She immediately wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. The kiss was messy and dirty, all teeth and tongue. His hands were on her back to press her tight against him but Natasha somehow managed to snuck a hand between them to slip it into his underwear and stroked his length. He groaned into the kiss and she pulled his briefs down with her feet. He wanted her so much, it was insane. He took a step back to slide her panties down her legs and stepped back between them to kiss her neck. He slipped one finger into her to see if she was ready for him. She was wet and so warm. She felt like heaven.

"Steve" She whined and pushed him with her legs closer to her.

"I know"

He pulled his finger out of her and pulled her to the edge of the desk and slid his cock into her. Natasha moaned into his mouth and braced her hands on the desk when he started to thrust into her. He could feel how the tension he had since the interrogation left his body while he made love to her. Natasha bit into his shoulder to muffle her sounds and he tried his best to keep it down so no one would hear what was going on in this room. He wasn't sure if SHIELD provided its offices with soundproof walls. They both came almost simultaneously and Natasha dropped her head against his shoulder and laughed.

"What's so funny, doll?" He asked her when he pulled out of her.

"I can't believe Captain America just fucked his girlfriend at SHIELD." She kissed his chest and looked up to him.

He rolled his eyes at her and brushed his lips against her forehead. She leaned back and pressed the home button of her phone. "I have to be in 20 minutes down at the gym to train some of Coulson's agents. May wanted to spar."

He pulled his briefs up and gave Nat her panties that he had thrown on a chair earlier. "Didn't I just give you a good work out, doll?"

This time she rolled her eyes and jumped off the desk. "Don't get too smug, Rogers."

He picked the pile of his clothes up while she pulled a bag out of a cabin of the desk and began to change into sports gear.

"I don't know how long it will take and I may have to talk to Ross again." She told him and changed from her lace bra into a sports bra.

He was in his clothes now and nodded. "Okay. When do we have the table?"

"7.30"

"Okay, I'll pick you up at seven." He walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her waist. She looped her arms around his shoulders and kissed him.

"I love you, Steve"

"I love you, too. I can't wait for our first date." He smiled down at her.

"Me too, honey. Me too"

* * *

Let me know what you think:)


	33. Chapter 33

**Did you hear that Marvel hired a female screen writer for a Black Widow movie?! I never thought that movie would be made in my lifetime**

* * *

XXXIII.

Since Tony was a vivid suit lover himself, it took him only ten minutes to get Steve a private fitting at a Tom Ford store. He chose a dark blue one because he remembered that Nat once told him that that was his color. He wondered if Natasha sent Tony a death threat because he didn't tease him at all. He even let Steve borrow one of his cars so he could pick Natasha up from her apartment.

It took Steve some time but he found a florist that had roses that actually smelled like roses which was rare this time of year. He bought a beautiful boquet with white and pink roses. He couldn't believe that they were actually going on a real date. He was so nervous which was kinda funny since they were already in a relationship. They already told each other "I love you" and had already had sex. So why was he so nervous? Maybe because he never thought that Natasha Romanoff would go on a date with him. The serum may made him bigger and stronger but inside he still felt like that kid from Brooklyn. And he still couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that such a beautiful, strong and amazing woman would want to be with him. He really was the luckiest guy in the world.

He took the elevator to Natasha's floor and checked his pocket if his gift for her was still there. He knocked on her door and after a few moments she opened it. She smiled at him brightly and he had to swallow. She looked breathtaking. She wore a black neckholder dress (he thought that's what it's called) that stopped over her knee and strappy high heels that showed most of her feet. Her lips were painted dark red and she put her hair up in some kind of fancy bun. She was a vision.

"Wow... you... You look beautiful!" He stuttered out. God, how embarrassing. But Natasha didn't seem to mind and her smile got even wider and he was sure she blushed a little bit.

"Thank you. You look very handsome yourself. Are those for me?" She pointed at the flowers.

"Yes, of course. I hope you like them." He gave her the roses and she kissed him on the cheek.

"Come inside for a minute so I can put these in a vase" She turned around to walk to the kitchen and he could see that her dress was backless and ended on her waist just a few inches over her ass. Holy hell, he really wanted to drag her to the bedroom.

He followed Natasha to the kitchen who was cutting the ends of the roses off and put them in a vase. She looked over her shoulder and smiled at him.

"Thank your for the roses, Steve."

He stepped behind her and pressed a kiss to her shoulder blade and her breath hitched. He had to smile against her skin. His hands moved to her waist and she patted them away.

"Later, Steve"

He pressed another kiss on her shoulder and then turned her around. "I have something for you."

She placed one hand over his heart and the gesture made his knees weak. "I have everything I want."

He pulled his gift out of his pocket and tangled it on front of her face. "My necklace!"

"I hope you want it back?" He actually wasn't so sure if she would wear it again when he went to a jeweler this afternoon to get the chain fixed.

"Of course I want it back!" She kissed him softly and then turned around so he could help her put it on.

"Thank you " She played with the pendant and then took his offered arm.

"Let's go, Miss Romanoff." He grinned at her and led her to the front door.

"I'm all yours, Mister Rogers" She replied with a coy smile and leaned against his arm.

* * *

The private room at the restaurant was lovely. A paper wall separated them from the rest of the restaurant so they could still hear the other guests but no one could see them and realize that Black Widow and Captain America were on a date.

He helped Natasha out of her coat and pulled the chair out for her. His mother always told him to treat a lady right. She was always so sure that he would find a girl one day when he told her that no one could ever want him. He hoped that his ma could somehow see him now. He hoped that she knew that he found a girl he wanted to spend his life with.

The waiter came in with menus and a bottle of champagne. A gift from Miss Potts as he explained when he caught Steve's confused look.

"She's the one that got us this table." Natasha explained when the waiter left. "I don't really have any connections to the New Yorker culinary scene. But if you need a good deal on weapons, I'm your girl."

Steve shook his head in amusement and filled their glasses. "To a wonderful evening."

"To a wonderful evening."

The waiter returned shortly after their toast and took their order. As the first course they would both have the lobster soup, Natasha chose the grilled tuna with vegetables for her main course while Steve couldn't resist the porterhouse steak. She wanted to share with him chocolate soufflé as dessert and he happily agreed. Sharing dessert was romantic, right?

Natasha told him over the first course that they secured the deposit box and it had enough to get Secretary Ross arrested.

"So my talk with Ross wasn't for nothing?" He hoped that Ross didn't want to talk to him again. He was disgusted that he tried to manipulate him with the knowledge he had over Natasha and Bucky's past.

"Steve." Natasha dabbed the corner of her mouth with a napkin and looked at him cautiously. "I think we need to have a talk. You, me and James. We need to sort this out once and for all so it can't be used against us."

"I know." He nodded. He knew she was right. They needed to have this conversation. All three of them, no matter how dreadful it would be.

She twirled the spoon in her soup. "Didn't you say that James was in town? To meet his family?"

"Yes, he's in Brooklyn."

"Could you ask him to meet us tomorrow at our apartment? Around noon to talk?" She took a spoon full of soup.

He didn't think she noticed that she said 'our apartment' and not 'my apartment' because she furrowed when she saw the grin on his face.

"I didn't think that conversation would make you so excited, Steve."

"Could you please repeat what you just said?" He knew he was being an ass but he wanted her to say it again.

She gave him a funny look. "I asked you if you could tell James to meet us at our apartment around noon."

His grin got even wider and she blushed. "Oh, I didn't notice... I didn't want to make assumptions. It just slipped out. "

She was so flustered it was so charmingly cute.

"So you want me to move in with you, Nat?"

She looked down at her lap. "Um, yeah. I mean we were talking about it before. Only if you want to."

"Natasha" He leaned over the table to place his hand over hers. "Hey. I would love to move in with you. We can stay at your, _our_ apartment when we're in town and look for a house near HQ."

She finally looked up and smiled at him shyly. "I've never lived with a man before. I don't know how this works."

"You lived with me and Bucky in Sweden." He responded and squeezed her hand. It was a bit sweaty like it made her nervous to talk about moving in.

"That's different."

"Well, if it's any consolation, I never lived with a woman before. Well, except my ma but I don't think she counts in that context. " He smiled at her and she gave him short laugh.

"So I guess I'll be moving into your quarters at HQ until we find a house?" She asked him and he could see that she found her confidence again. It broke his heart that she thought she was so undeserving of a relationship.

"Yup, you're stuck with me."

Dinner was lovely, the food was delicious and the company, well he might be biased, but the company was what made it the perfect date. Natasha told him a story that involved her and Clint on a mission in Dubai and Clint ended up with an actual hawk as a gift from a Sheik. Apparently he literally begged Coulson on his knees to take the bird back to the States. But then his wife forced him to give the hawk to an animal welfare project.

During dessert Natasha disappeared under the table and he was about to ask her if she lost something when he felt her hands on his zipper. He almost tore a hole in the table with his hand when she gave him the blow job of his life. And of course he blushed furiously when the waiter asked them if the dessert was after their liking and Natasha smirked at Steve and said it was very delicious while licking her lips.

"I can't believe you did that." He hissed while they walked out the back entrance to their car.

"Well, you seemed to enjoy it." She gave him a sly smile while he hold the car door open for her.

He rolled his eyes at her when he got into the driver seat. "What if someone walked in?"

"Oh please, like we're the first ones who have a little fun in that private room." She winked and her hand moved to his crotch.

"Natasha!" He exclaimed. "I'm driving!"

She just grinned at him and placed her hand on his knee.

* * *

He had send Bucky a text asking him to meet them the next day before they left the restaurant and his phone beeped with a new message when they were in the elevator of the apartment building. He wanted to pull out his phone out of his pocket when Natasha suddenly pushed him against the wall and attacked his lips with a deep kiss.

He was about to slip his hand into the back of her dress to caress her ass when the elevator door opened and an old man was standing in front of them. He shook his head grinning while Natasha grabbed Steve's hand and dragged him to their apartment. He kissed her shoulders and pulled her against his growing arousal while she fumbled with the keys.

They stumbled kissing into the hallway and he tried to kick the door shut but had to kick it again until it finally locked. Natasha threw her head back laughing and he couldn't help but stare at her. She was so beautiful and she loved him. He thanked the universe for having Natasha in his life. Adjusting to the future after 70 years of ice would have been easier if someone would have told him that he would meet the love of his life very soon on a hellicarrier.

"What?" She was still smiling and stepping out of her high heels.

"I love you." He grabbed her waist and kissed her.

"I know."

"Don't go Han Solo on me, doll." He playfully bit her lower lip.

She laughed and pushed him away and made her way to the bedroom while unzipping her dress and then let it fall to the floor. She was only wearing a thong and looked over her shoulder. "You need an extra invitation, soldier?"

* * *

let me know what you think


	34. Chapter 34

XXXIV.

Natasha got him fake glasses and a beanie so people wouldn't recognize him when they went furniture shopping this morning. She wore a short brown wig to cover her flaming hair and held his hand the entire time they walked through the stores in their neighbourhood. No one seemed to notice who was walking into their stores and they picked some things out for their apartment.

After their shopping trip he invited Natasha to a milkshake at a cute little café. He kept smiling at her while she sipped on her straw and her eyes were sparkling at him. He couldn't believe this was real. They actually made it back to the States, they didn't have to look over their shoulder anymore and fear to get thrown into the Raft. He could just sit here with his girl and buy her milkshakes.

"We should take burgers and fries from here for lunch." Natasha said slurping the rest of her milkshake.

Right, Bucky would come to their place to talk to them about everything. He looked at his watch, they needed to leave soon to get home before Bucky came. Natasha called Coulson this morning to tell him that she was the entire day unavailable for him. She wanted to go to more stores in the afternoon after they had lunch with Bucky. She seemed really excited to furnish the apartment. She said everything he didn't like of her old furniture could go. He honestly didn't care how the apartment looked as long as he got to share it with Nat.

"Yeah. I'll go order. What do you want, doll?"

"A cheeseburger with sweet potato fries."

"I'll be right back." He got up, kissed her cheek and ordered enough food for Nat, Bucky and him.

He was waiting for their order at the counter when Natasha came behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Thank you for the milkshake."

He turned to face her and gave her a short kiss. Her lips tasted like strawberries. "You're welcome."

He took the bags with their food and Natasha looped her arm around his the way back to their apartment. He finally felt like they were a normal couple.

Back at their place, she pulled the wig of her head and shaked her beautiful red curls into place. He put the bags on the kitchen counter and removed his fake glasses and beanie. Natasha jumped on the kitchen counter and pulled him to stand between her legs. Happy that he could finally touch her hair again, he let his fingers wander through her curls and she grabbed the collar of his hoodie and kissed him. She hummed into the kiss when he started to massage her scalp. Her hair was so smooth and glossy. In the end it didn't matter what color her hair was but he thought that the red fitted her perfectly. He was tempted to unbotton her blouse when the doorbell rang.

Bucky was here.

She gave him one last peck on the lips before she got off the counter and walked to the door to let Bucky in.

* * *

When Steve sent him a text asking him to meet him and Natasha, Bucky almost didn't answer. He could guess why they wanted to talk about. He didn't really want to have that conversation and he was sure that Steve and Natasha shared the sentiment but if they wanted to move on they all needed closure.

He called Dr. Meyers after breakfast with Jamie and Lizzie and talked to her about Steve and Natasha. He knew that he could trust her and that she wouldn't tell a soul about their sessions. She encouraged him to go to them and to tell them everything they wanted to know. She also suspected that Natasha didn't remember their relationship because HYDRA forced her to watch his memory wipes and his return to cryo and she protected herself from the trauma. He couldn't hold that against her but just because she didn't remember him didn't mean that their time together meant less to her.

He looked at the door bell nameplates for Rushman and pressed the button.

"Third floor. The apartment at the end of the hall." Natasha's voice told him through the speaker.

He hadn't heard her voice in almost two weeks and he didn't affect him as much as he feared it would. Maybe he could finally separate Natasha and Natalia.

He got to the third floor and knocked on the door. Natasha opened the door a few seconds later and gave him a small smile.

"Please come in, James." She stepped aside and he nodded a hello at her.

Natasha led him through the hallway ,where he noticed Steve's shield leaning against a dresser, to the kitchen where Steve was putting burgers on plates.

"Hey Buck. I got you one with extra bacon and cheese." He slid the plate over the counter towards him.

"Thanks." He sat down on the bar stool and Natasha and Steve took a seat on the other side of the kitchen isle.

"I'm really happy for you that you got back together. I really am."

Natasha nodded. "We know that. We also know that the last months must have been very confusing for you, James." She gave him a sympathetic look and took a bite from her burger.

"I am sorry that I didn't tell you sooner about it. I didn't know what to say or how to approach it. You two were so happy and I didn't want to get between that."

"I know, Buck. You were just trying to protect us. I already apologized to Nat." Steve looked at her with a warm smile. " I completely overreacted. I was scared and jealous and took it out on you two. I'm sorry, Bucky."

"Natasha?" Bucky needed to make sure he had her full attention. "I loved you. I loved Natalia a lot. I know you don't remember that and I was mad at you for it but maybe it's better that way. You were the one good thing in all of it. "Natasha just looked at him and Steve squirmed uncomfortably on his stool. He needed to tell Natasha this and it was probably for the best that Steve would hear it too. So all of them could get closure. "I will always care about you, Natasha. You loved me when I was nothing. I'll always be thankful for that. But I know that's the past and I'm okay with it. I'm not in love with you Natasha. I know that now for sure."

He didn't even realize that he almost smashed his burger with his bionic hand while he was rambling. Steve visibly relaxed and Natasha reached over the counter to grab his human hand. "I'm sorry that I don't remember us. But I'm glad that I know that I was capable of love even in my darkest hours. I'll always care about you too, James."

She pulled her hand back and picked up some fries.

"So we're all good now?" Steve anxiously looked from Nat to him. Bucky glanced at Natasha who nodded.

"Yeah, punk. We're all good now."

"Thank god. I never thought I end up in a fucking love triangle. " Steve huffed out and stuffed the rest of his burger into his mouth.

"Love triangle?"

"I guess James hasn't discovered The CW yet. " Natasha laughed.

He had no idea what she was talking about but he was glad that he had his two friends back.

"I think this went way better than all of us expected." Natasha stated and grinned at Steve.

Steve smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, I couldn't really sleep last night because I was so nervous. I guess a part of me was still scared that you two would run away together."

"Steve..." Bucky began but Natasha stopped him.

"Honey, you're stuck with me for good." She pinched him in the waist and Steve squirmed and made a funny noise causing Bucky to laugh at him.

"Hey, she's really strong!" Steve barked at him.

Natasha just smirked into her burger and contiuned to eat.

* * *

 _Ten months later_

Steve was walking through the front door of their house in the middle of the night careful not to make any noises. He just got back from a mission in Pakistan with Bucky, Wanda and Sam. They were able to free the hostages without any causalities and handed the terrorists over to the local authorities.

The wood floor under his feet creaked and he carefully tried to avoid the other spots on the floor that made noises.

It took them some time but four months ago they finally found the perfect house for them. Only a thirty minutes drive away from HQ and the backyard was big enough to land a Quinjet there for emergencies. The house had enough rooms so that he could have a studio for his art and Natasha could have a dancing studio in the basement. He put his keys and wallet in the bowl in the hallway and hung his shield at its place on the wall.

He walked up the stairs and quietly opened the bedroom door. Natasha was asleep under the blankets. She came yesterday back from a mission with Tony and Rhodey and complained on the phone earlier that it took all her willpower not to kill Tony. He got out of his shirt and pants and crawled under the blankets to her.

Natasha rolled over to face him and opened her eyes. "Hi." She smiled at him sleepily.

"Hey, sweetheart." He replied and brushed her hair behind her ear. "I missed you."

"I missed you too." She leaned over to kiss him and wrapped her arms around him.

God, he loved her so much. The last months with her were perfect. He wanted to be with her for the rest of his life. Saving the world together, training together, dancing together and laughing together. He now knew that he had to sleep for seventy years to wait for her. And it was all worth it.

Natasha looked at him and he could see her love for him in her eyes. "Steve?"

"Yeah?"

"Marry me" She whispered, her face only a few inches away from his.

He smiled and rolled onto his back to get his hand into the drawer of his nightstand. He needed to roam a bit but he found what he was looking for. He grabbed it and turned to look at her.

"Steve? Say something?" She chewed her lip and was clearly nervous.

"Yes, I'll marry you." He answered and held the small black box in front of her face. She was confused for a second and then beamed at him.

"Oh my god, I thought you would say no!" She smacked his arm and he kissed her until they were both out of breath.

"I want to do this right." He bought the ring a few weeks ago when he saw it in the window of an antique store. It was a simple white gold band with a round sparkly diamond. The moment he saw the ring, he knew it was the one.

He pulled Natasha into a sitting position on the edge of the bed and got down on one knee in front of her. He opened the box and Natasha gasped.

"Natasha, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife and making me the happiest man on earth?"

"Yes, of course. But I want it to be known that I proposed first." She slid of the bed and kissed him.

He took her left hand and slid the ring on her finger.

"I love you, Natasha. I always will."

"I love you, Steve. Forever. And now make love to your financé."

He laughed and carried her back to the bed. "Yes, my love. Anything you want."

 _THE END_

* * *

And that's it, folks. I hope you liked this story! I'm already working on my next Romanogers story. It will be an entirely new one. No sequel to this. Stay tuned:)

 **And thank you so much for your reviews, favourites and follows! It means a lot that you seemed to enjoy this story even though there was a bit of heartbreak here and there. THANK YOU**


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